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Suspense Horror Crime


Sirens can be heard in the distance as Henry curses for the fifth time in the last two minutes.

“Shit Emily, What did you say?” Henry asks as he walks around in circles trying to get better reception. 

“Can you hear me now? You’re breaking up. I can’t hear you.” Henry says before the phone disconnects from the call.

Henry looks down at his phone and notices he has no signal.

“Shit.” Henry sighs as he puts his phone in his pocket. 

The park seems a lot busier than normal Henry thinks to himself as people rush by him, paying him no heed.

"Where's the fire?" Henry asks someone as he giggles to himself. 

Monday mornings at the park are usually quiet and this is the day Henry likes to take his walk before he starts his workweek. It helps him clear his head from the daily stress he receives from his coworkers who are always wrong about everything and they like to contradict Henry every chance they get.

People at work don’t realize how important I am. Henry thinks to himself as he continues to wander around the park.

 “I don’t make mistakes, I am the best worker there. How can they continue to show me such disrespect.” Henry says as a man rushes by with a camera in his hands and a press pass dangling from around his neck.

“Hey, buddy, where you off to? What’s the rush?” Henry asks the man but he continues running by without answering. 

“How rude. I’m talking to you, buddy.” Henry yells at the newsman. 

Henry hears the sirens in the distance but they seem much closer now.

“Maybe there’s a fire or something that the man is running to. I’m much more newsworthy than a stupid fire. He should have stopped to talk to me instead. I can see the headlines now.”

Henry stops and puts his arms up in the air and spreads them apart like he is skywriting the news headline. 

“Henry Miller, Lifetime achievement award for Greatest Employee ever at Dumbar’s Packing Company”

“I could educate his readers on the finer points of packing. Most people don’t know what they are doing when they pack things. There is a proper way to do it.” Henry says as he begins walking his route again. 

“I could teach them the Henry Way to do things. This way they would always have the perfect packing.” Henry chuckles to himself. “The Henry Way. I like that.”

Henry walks the path around the park admiring the various foliage on the trees. Autumn is Henry’s favorite time of year usually and this year was no different. 

I wonder if I’m going to get that promotion? Henry thinks to himself. 

“Emily knows something about it. She hinted at it while I was talking to her.” Henry says as he comes up to the doggy part of the park.

A few women were walking their dogs around the enclosed doggy park. As Henry walks by, one of the dogs turns towards him and sniffs the air before barking in his direction. 

“Shut up, you mutt.” Henry says as he shakes his fist at them. “Control your dog lady.”

The woman looks down at her dog and follows its gaze in Henry’s direction before pulling on the leash. “Shh. Stop barking.”

The dog looks up at the woman and back in Henry’s direction before he stops barking. It sniffs the air one more time and growls before going back to playing with the other dogs.

“Stupid dog. Why are you growling at me? I should call Animal Control on you.” Henry says as he walks a little faster to get away from the dog. “That dog probably has rabies. I should call the Police and have them take it away. It was going to bite me. I’m sure of it.” 

Henry pulls out his phone but gets no dial tone. He notices he still has no service.

“What’s up with my phone today. Someone needs to get the Police about that dog.” Henry says as he looks back at the dog staring at him.

The Sirens stop outside the park as Henry makes his way towards the entrance. He sees a Policeman get out of his car and rush into the park. 

Henry smiles and rushes over to him. “Officer, I want to file a complaint. A rabid dog almost bit me at the Dog Park. You need to do something about it.”

The officer runs by Henry and follows the path to the right.

“The Dog park is to the left officer. You’re going the wrong way.” Henry yells as he begins to follow the policeman. 

Henry can hear words coming over the policeman’s radio but can’t make them out as he continues chasing the policeman.

“It’s the other way officer. Follow me. That dog is going to kill someone.” Henry says as he points in the other direction.

More sirens can be heard now outside the park as Henry follows the policeman.

“You clearly don’t know your way around the park sir. Follow me.” Henry says to the policeman again. “I’m going to call your supervisor. You obviously aren’t listening to me. I could’ve died back there. One bite and I would’ve been infected with rabies.”

Up ahead a large crowd gathered and was looking at something.

“Make room.” The policeman yells as he rushes past the people.

Once the people moved aside for the policeman, Henry could see a body laying on the ground face down. A pool of blood is centered around its head. A wallet lay on the ground next to the body and the man’s phone is a few feet away from his outstretched hand.

The officer bends down and checks the man’s pulse and shakes his head. He grabs his walkie-talkie and pushes the call button.

“Officer Johnson is now on scene at the park. One man down, not breathing at this time.” The officer says as he picks up the wallet from the ground.

Henry makes his way through the crowd to get a closer look. He’s never seen a dead body before except for on TV. He can hear the officer talking into his walkie-talkie.

“Oh my god.” A woman yells as she rushes by Henry.

“Emily is that you?” Henry asks as he sees Emily run past him. “I’m over here.”

The officer stands up and stops the woman from getting any closer.

“Excuse me, ma'am. Don’t get any closer please.” The officer says to the woman.

“My name is Emily. I was just talking to him on the phone.” Emily says to the officer.

The officer looks down at the body. “This man? Are you sure?”

Emily nods. “His name is Henry Miller. We were talking and I heard a gunshot and then our line went dead. The gunshot sounded like it came right through the phone, so I rushed over here. I know Henry walks this park every Monday.”

“I’m right here Emily,” Henry says as he walks towards Emily.

The officer opens the wallet and shows it to Emily before they both look down at the body. Emily falls to the ground crying.

“Victims name is Henry Miller.” Henry hears the officer say into his walkie-talkie but doesn’t hear the rest of it.

“That can’t be,” Henry says. 

“Emily, get up off the ground. You’re making a fool out of yourself.” Henry says as the police officer turns the body over.

Henry looks down at the body and sees himself. His lifeless eyes staring up at him.







October 11, 2021 14:47

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17 comments

Patrick Samuel
07:52 Oct 23, 2021

I like to brag that I usually can see this kind of thing coming a mile off but you completely got me here. Congratulations for pulling it off so brilliantly. *Update* - I've just finished reading your new story "Forgive me Father" and I suggest to anyone who enjoyed this one to read the new one pronto. That's all I'm gonna say.

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Jaime Metcalf
10:09 Oct 23, 2021

Thanks. I'm glad you liked them.

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William Snesrud
00:19 Oct 18, 2021

Now that was a near unexpected ending, though when the officer found the body my gut said the main character was a ghost or spirit.......I write the same way sometimes......thanx for sharing your talent with words.....

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Jaime Metcalf
00:26 Oct 18, 2021

Thanks for the praise. First time I ever entered a contest. Not used to writing shorts. It was satisfying. Glad you enjoyed it.

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Tommie Michele
23:06 Oct 17, 2021

Nice story! I loved the ending, and the quick pace. Only one suggestion (and this is purely a stylistic choice): consider italicizing Henry’s inner thoughts (for example, when Henry thinks “I wonder if I’ll get that promotion”). It might just add a little more clarity and distinction between the narration of what’s happening/what Henry’s doing and his literal thoughts. Also, just curious, but I would love to know how Henry died and how he’s seeing himself now! I love the backstory and details of stuff like this. Best of luck in the contes...

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Jaime Metcalf
00:23 Oct 18, 2021

Thanks for the input. In my writing program I used, I did have his thoughts in italics. I guess when I transferred it over something happened. Poor Henry. You want some backstory on Henry Miller, self centered, egotistical, arrogant prick? My story entry for this week's contest will give you some lol.

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Tommie Michele
01:07 Oct 21, 2021

I just got the critique circle email today and laughed when I saw your story on it—I’d already read it and commented! Ugh, transferring work between word processors is a pain—try copy-pasting an 85,000 word novel from Google docs to Microsoft word so your editor can collaborate with you. I can’t wait for this week’s story!

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Jaime Metcalf
01:36 Oct 21, 2021

I use Scrivener when I write usually. I got your story and one other. I'm going to read them tomorrow. I've been writing the new story for the next contest. It's coming along so far.

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Tommie Michele
01:45 Oct 21, 2021

Cool! I can’t wait to read it!

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Javier Gonzalez
18:27 Oct 17, 2021

I love this

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Jaime Metcalf
18:36 Oct 17, 2021

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you.

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Kate Winchester
13:51 Oct 17, 2021

I liked the pace of your story. It kept me interested and wondering what was happening. I really liked the twist at the end. Kudos!

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Jaime Metcalf
14:39 Oct 17, 2021

Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

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Kate Winchester
17:40 Oct 17, 2021

You’re welcome 😉

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Tuvy J L
08:56 Oct 17, 2021

Great story! It left me wondering: What’s going to Happen next?

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Jaime Metcalf
09:20 Oct 17, 2021

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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Tuvy J L
17:29 Oct 19, 2021

No problem! Have a nice day!

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