I Don't Know! You Won't

Dear Future Self,     

When you look back on your life, don’t you want to have lived it to the full? Life can be so much fun and joy when taken “for granted.” I think life has its challenges only when we’re focusing on those hard times. I’m not saying those challenges aren’t happening, as in challenges themselves don’t exist. Rather, I believe people focus too much on the fact that life needs to hurry up, that they’ll run out of time before they die to do what they’ve needed to do.

You can’t unwind the clock of time because you’d have to go on top of the Big Ben or some other huge clock. And even then you wouldn’t be able to unwind the hands of time; it wouldn’t allow you. But please, know I had it hard in my days. I wanted to do this and that; I wanted to just be this person and be that person, knowing full well that’s what people did. But, I can’t just focus on what I’d do at this age or what I had achieved by this time. I need to focus on the fact that I’m here, living the life I have. And I’m not constrained to the past or the future or anything because I’m doing what I am doing. I don’t always need to grow up. I am growing up. I just need to keep going.

Fear holds us back. And we must overcome it. So, please, Future Self, don’t dwell on whether you’ve accomplished any of the things you wanted (more importantly, needed) to have accomplished. Comparing ourselves doesn’t do anything but trap us in the thinking we’re not doing anything right or well or anything at all because we’re looking at someone else. That person, well, is looking at someone else. And, well, that person’s looking at, well, you!

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of ‘What if that’s me?’ or, better yet, why isn’t that me? Well, it’s not like it should be, because I know who I am. I know, I know, I’ve said the same things. But I’ve learned so much about the comparison game. Why can’t I…? Why am I not…? Am I supposed to have…? Did I miss something? Sometimes, we fall into this, yes, I know, pitfall. But remember you can always see the reality of the matter—that you’re you, and he’s him. And she’s her. And it’s it.

You may be thinking at this point that you don’t need your past self telling you what your past self had done before. But it’s not hypocrisy. It’s teaching you something else. It’s opening your eyes to the fact of realizing something—that life is not just meant to lived and done and over. What if the life you’re living now is something you’ll get to live fully once you’ve achieved what you’ve always wanted to?

Don’t always think of the negativity in your life. Negatives suck out all the positivity. It’s like a poison—it kills your ability to be positive. It tells you that you’re nothing because you haven’t done what someone else has, and even if you have done anything, you’re still where you don’t want to be because you’re not that person. In other words, you’re not where you should be, because you’re not able to be someone. Well, I want you to know you don’t have to dwell on the past—I’ve done that, and I can say it’s not worth it. Worrying, complaining and wishing are all things we do when we’re, ironically, not making it to where we want to be because we’re too busy wanting to be there instead of getting there.

What if what you’re doing now isn’t not getting you anywhere? What if you’re thinking these thoughts because you’re so focused on getting there (amidst the fear you’re not going to because you haven’t already) that you won’t? You know how you’re feeling worthless because you’re…

You know what? I’ll let you decide whether you’re going to listen to me. You’ll see for yourself. I’m not going to try to convince you. That’s another thing. I won’t convince you. I’ll just see whether my letter has made it to the point of conversion. Because if it has, GREAT! I can rejoice! But if it doesn’t, remember: my words. I don’t see what’s so hard about learning if I don’t have to say anything because you won’t listen to me. If you just want to go ahead and burn this note, fine. Go ahead and deny me my right to give you something worthwhile. But I hope in the long run, you’ll thank me for my advice. Because you’ll need it when you’re down looking up at the Big Ben, wishing you could either rewind time or paralyze yourself into a frozen state of despair because you’ve never achieved when you thought you should’ve?

I don’t need to waste my breath. Do whatever you want with this letter. Don’t say I didn’t warn you about falling off that clock tower. Maybe you’re not about to crumple this letter and let its breath—

Oh, okay. I see how it is. I already read your letter. You’ve climbed up that tower, turned back time and now you’re a different person, living life to the best, a huge grin on your face. All the most adorable outfits for every fashion worn every season, a stellar dream job, a family and an ability to have it all, take it all and do it all. Well, you wanted it. Now, you’re going to have to conquer the Time Creatures—those spiky lizards all violet scarfed and emerald bow-tied and black silk top hatted—so you can realize I’m right. Well, what weapon do you have against them? How are you going to defeat them?

What do you want me to do?

You go, girl.

Just don’t die. They’re waiting. And they’re going to win if you don’t win over them.

So what are you waiting for? Go ahead. Try to convince them. They’ll just convince you you’re okay.

Because you’re not!

Well, so long. See ya, see ya, wouldn’t want to be ya.

Or do I?

You tell me.

Who’s in the wrong, and who’s in the right?

I guess we’ll find out. If you realize something. Something that you can reverse.

Just minor clock work, and you’ll be all set.

So are you ready to set the clock right to go do what you need to? If not, why not? You have time!