I remember when

I remember when life seemed beautiful and inspiring. Hopeful even. I remember when I believed dreams could come true, the possibilities were endless because I could be whatever I wanted to be, and that someday I would finally have my own opportunity to live.

Hold on; But aren’t I living? Of course, if by living you mean blood is flowing through my veins like water through a steady river.

It seems like the act of living ends when our remaining childhood dies. For many of us, that was far too young. We figured that maybe, once we became adults, we could change our situation and finally live! Because after all, life is what we make it, right? That means once we escaped this dreaded prison we came to know as childhood, life should be better, right?

That last glimmer of hope we carried into adulthood was all we had to cling on to, the very last of our childhood innocence. We carry it into adulthood cherishing it, cradling this idea in our hearts that we can "make a life" and live.

Then suddenly, without a moment's notice the last of our childhood dies. Crushed in heartbreak, disappointment, abandonment, confusion and darkness, we bury our murdered innocence and attempt to move on and be strong about it because this is life. We are now officially "all grown up" now, and this is living.

Since the murder of our remaining innocence, we have become a robot-like machine operating on their command: smile for the camera, wear this shirt but not those shoes, be on time to work and be sure to work hard, then come home and watch T.V. followed by a cheerful yet vague social media post portraying life as mildly enjoyable.

Our daily routine consists of a series of repeated actions and behaviors that go on day after day, generation after generation becoming more and more constricting as time goes on. It is a daily routine that none of us have really thought about, but I guarantee I can describe since we all do the same thing for the most part, after all. We wake up early scrambling out of the door before work in the morning, managing our children as if they are employees, caring for our spouse as if we were their personal secretary all while maintaining attractiveness and a smile. We absolutely must provide for our family even if that means giving all of our time to providing, instead of our family. I mean; After all, who’s going to pay the bills? Now hurry up we are going to be late! And we still got to get the kids to school! And don’t forget about that social event we committed to last week that we are going to be way too exhausted for later, but we will still drag ourselves to anyway, because this is living. Right?

“Shhhhhhhh! Do not say that out loud!” Didn’t you know, silly? That may offend someone’s false idea of reality; you may destroy the imaginary world they have created in their minds in order to cope with the same madness we have become numb too. Are they really any different from you? Am you really any different from me? Are they really any different from us? Who are we? Are we living? Of course, we’re living! If by living, you mean the branches of our lungs inhale the oxygen produced from the branches of earth's trees being cut down in the name of brand-new Ikea dressers. . .

Turn on the news, tragedy followed by more tragedy but that’s okay just look at these cute puppies! Oh wow, look at what our friends just posted! Now that’s crazy. Go ahead and comment and like. Speaking commenting and liking things, and have you seen the newest cell phone? We just got to have it, because anybody who’s anybody has it.

Now relax, why are you so uptight? Anxiety? ADHD? Manic Depression. Here, take this prescription they just wrote. It will help mask your inner turmoil and pretend that this idea of living is so much fun! How do you not see the joy in spending 30-60 years of your life on an employers time clock hoping to earn enough money to live a life you'll be too tired too enjoy by the time you can even think about retiring.

How are the tourist going to enjoy tourism if you are not on the clock Christmas day preparing their meals or cleaning their hotel rooms? How will your manager spend time with their family this Christmas, if you take off? Huh? Answer that for them! How dare you request that holiday off, you selfish swine!

Oh no, Did you just get injured? tsk. tsk. Here's a social security check that wont even cover the cost of your rent or mortgage to thank you for destroying your body for the work force, but only after they have denied you once or twice. And most of that lawsuit money will go to your lawyer, and medical bills, so yeah. there's that.

After all silly, how can the fortunate enjoy living their life if the unfortunate aren't damned to living their life performing manual labor and chores while gaining injuries, wearing down their bodies, missing tons of time away from their babies, or even loosing the occasional limb due to faulty machinery, inattentive staff, or unsafe working conditions.

Is this living? Is this really all Mother Earth has to offer us? Did she not provide everything we need for a successful life on this planet freely? Has Our Creator designed us for the sole purpose of paying taxes and going through the motions hoping that someday we can live a life where just our basic needs are met? Do we bear children just to hand them over to the workforce so that they can then spend their entire life serving the children of the "more fortunate."

I remember when life seemed beautiful and inspiring. Hopeful even. I remember when the possibilities seemed endless, and that dreams do come true. But then, I remember when that all changed once I finally got my own opportunity to live.

But Aren't I living? Of course, if by living you mean my heart is beating, like that of a slow thunder. But are we actually living?