MY DARLING! MY DARLING! WHERE ARE YOU?

(Write a story about a relationship where one person is always running late and the other is constantly kept waiting.)

My Darling!  My Darling!    Where are you?   I’m waiting!   We will be late!

This question or these questions have been asked over and over through the years and here we are again,  me dressed to the nines and waiting, and him among the missing!

~~~~~

In the early years it precipitated some lively arguments as I interpreted his behavior as a “power play” of sorts.  He wanted to prove he was his own man and would come in his own good time,  he refused to be herded like a sheep.  In my mind, it is just a common courtesy to plan your own personal needs to fit the pre agreed plan.  But it seems he was very casual in his hearing, remembering and agreeing to any plan.

By our fifth anniversary, I was tired of the constant battles about lateness and I found myself accepting fewer and fewer invitations,  it was just easier to avoid the situation than it was to deal with it all.   This pleased my husband as by year five I had also come to realize he was a bit of an introvert and was pleased with fewer times with friends and family.  This didn’t eliminate the problem,  just minimized the arguments.  Of course they occurred daily for everyday things,  going to the grocery or the doctor or the movies,  he would agree upon a departure time and then he just seemed to forget or disregard his earlier statement.   Grrr!   Just writing this makes me angry!

I found myself going places with friends and he didn’t seem to mind remaining behind.  This, in itself, was the beginning of a new problem,  I mean in retrospect, looking back, we were spending less and less time together, and I realized it was the beginning of how couples grow apart.   Well I was thankful his “other woman” was only lateness, nothing as serious as infidelity!  

My Darling!  My Darling!    Where are you?   I’m waiting!   We will be late!

By our tenth anniversary,  I had given up all hope of ever agreeing on times or schedules and I had begun to adjust the departure time to factor in his rudeness!  Yes, it is rudeness,  to disregard everyone and everything,  your partner, the host or hostess, others depending on you for a ride, those kinds of things, just to keep your own schedule or non schedule, in his case.  I became devious or smart enough to subtract time from the schedule.  If we needed to leave at seven,  I’d tell him we needed to leave at six-thirty.  He was none the wiser and even with his casual approach,  his “I refuse to be rushed attitude”, we often left on time in the actual correct sense.

My Darling!  My Darling!    Where are you?   I’m waiting!   We will be late!

As our twenty fifth anniversary approached,  we knew there would be a family celebration, one that my introvert,  turned antisocial, husband could not ignore so the eternal problem was back again.  How to be on time?   How to be polite to a group waiting to help you celebrate a lovely milestone?  By this time in our marriage I needed to subtract forty five minutes from the actual departure time.   I would love to tell you we were on time but I would be telling lies.  Of course our lateness was the joke of the family but my husband seemed not to notice their pointed comments couched in humor,  while my nerves were on edge and I had real anger just below the surface of my being!  Can you imagine how much fun that party was for me?

I will admit and agree to one mitigating thing,  we both had a problem with this!  We were polar in our feelings about keeping polite appointments,  he cared too little and I cared too much!   It was a fact of our marriage...a large bone of contention!

My Darling!  My Darling!    Where are you?   I’m waiting!   We will be late!

Yes I repeat this line again and I know I will ask him several more times before we actually leave for this celebration but now my anger has been dulled and beaten into acceptance by other factors.

Today we are celebrating our sixty fifth wedding anniversary and most everyone we know, who are still alive, will help us celebrate at a large party.  There will be jokes and a few off hand comments about lateness but I feel no anger.  Acceptance maybe, a realization that old dogs rarely learn new tricks and my husband has become an old dog!   

I sit here trying not  to crease my skirt or mess my hair while I wait but in my mind’s eye,  I see him shuffling along from bedroom to bath,  and back to bedroom, adjusting his clothing,  combing his hair.  His gait is hesitant, his step unsure.   Now he has gone back to checking the door locks for the second time ,  checking the thermostat for the second time,  shuffling into the kitchen to check the stove burners to see all is off and safe to leave the house.  His routines these days,  check for drivers license and wallet, keys for car and doors.  He double checks most everything in life.

Finally, I think he is ready to leave.  I understand he is not trying to make a statement or that his behavior is any form of power play.  It is just how he is, and now time has slowed him down even further.

As I wait,  I reflect on our many years together,  they have been good years and not much has changed about my husband's approach to life except now he must deal with the things life gives you to deal with in your eighties!  Things he has no choice about,   I know I have changed,  he and time  have  worn me down to acceptance.  

He really does very well, his “other woman, lateness” still lives with us but I have given up trying to master either of them.   Friends and family must just accept us as we are and always have been, I guess!  

“Well my darling,  here I am,  I hope you haven’t waited long?”  He seems oblivious to it all!