Casper Collins and Lola James

We were laying on the football field at school. We always did this on Friday nights, it was our tradition. Casper would grab food from the vending machine and I would grab blankets from the teachers lounge and we would just camp out and talk. Sometimes we would watch a movie and sometimes we would just sit in silence, but usually we talked.

Today was a talking day. It was so pretty outside. There was a nice breeze because it was about to be Fall and the sunset was amazing. The sky looked pink. We were laying next to each other under a Minnie Mouse blanket and talking about our math test on Monday. I stopped to take a drink of my coffee.

"I think I have to tell you something Lola" Casper said, in a serious voice. I put my coffee down to the right of me, sat up and looked down at Casper.

"Okay" I said.

"Um okay. So uh. Oh God um."

"Would it be better of I turned around?" I asked, he was staring to scare me. Casper was always a sensitive guy. He liked reading and had no athletic ability whatsoever. He would give me poems before I went to bed and he would quote philosophers on the daily. Usually when he had something serious to say it started off with him crying and sobbing out something I could barley understand, but this time he just seemed nervous.

"Ya, maybe that would help," he said.

I tuned around. There was silence for a little bit and then he started to talk.

"Okay, so we've known each other for a really long time. And we're like friends and all that. And um we know each other really well so uh." He was losing me. "okay you know what I'm just going to be really bold and direct because ya. Okay." He took a breath, I held mine. I really didn't know what to expect.

"You're amazing." What was going on? He continued, "I mean you're smart and funny and you are so cool. You are so kind to everyone and you are one of the few teenagers who doesn't hate the world. You are always willing to listen to me and you would probably listen to a stranger talk for hours. When you walk into a room you make me smile. Heck, you probably make the whole room smile. Your presence alone makes everything so much better. You are so beautiful. From the way you braid your hair back and it makes you look like a freakin' princess. And your eyes, God your eyes I could stare at them forever because they are just so green it's magnificent and gorgeous. And I know we're best friends and you probably don't see me as anything else but I have to tell you and ask because maybe there is a possibility. Lola, I like you. Like really like you. Not in the friend way, but in the way that makes me want to kiss you every second I am around you. I like you because of all the reasons I just explained and so much more. You're amazing and I like you." He pauses and I don't turn around. I'm so glad I am looking the other way because I don't even know what my face is doing.

"So um, do you like me?" I still don't say anything "like like me?" He asks. I stay silent. This could not be happening. We were best friends he wasn't supposed to like me. I was supposed to be able to be goofy and ugly around him. He wasn't like anyone else in the entire world because he got me in a way that no one else did, and I didn't have to try and impress him.

"Lola, you can turn around now" He says in a low voice. I stay facing the other way. How am I supposed to respond? All I can think about is this one memory of us.

We were eight and had know eachother for like 3 years. I was swinging on the little kid swings and he was swinging on the big kid swings.

"You know what's crazy" he said looking forward at the big oak tree as we swung, I turned my head to look at him "you can never meet everyone. There are so many people on this planet and it would be impossible to meet everyone, but without meeting everyone there could be this perfect person out there for you and you just wouldn't ever know them. You would never meet that perfect person. You might meet good people and think that's the best it gets but you have no idea that you are missing out on. You have no idea that perfect person exists"

"Woah" I say not really understanding where he was going with it. after all I was eight. But he was right. I never thought about it, but we can never meet everyone.

"The thing is" he continues, still looking forward and swinging "I've met you. And I think you are my perfect person. Out of all the people on the entire earth, we met. That is even crazier, and I feel so lucky. There are people who will never meet that perfect person but there are also people who will meet that perfect person. I am one of those people. And that is awesome." He's still swinging and looking forward but now he has a huge grin on his face. I roll my eyes.

"I'm your perfect person?" I laugh "did you just confess your love for me Casper Collins?" I'm still laughing when he interrupts me and says

"Ya, I do love you Lola James." He looks at me as he says it. I stop laughing and meet his eyes.

"What" I say shakily. He laughs. I'm so confused.

"Not like love love, you crazy. Like friend love. You are my best friend of course I love you." I don't even know how to respond to this. He's still looking at me,

"Do you love me Lola James?" He asks. I take a second to think.

"You know what Casper Collins I think I do love you." He laughs now. We spend the rest of the day swinging and laughing. It was one of the best days I ever had. It was the first time we said we loved each other.

He starts talking again to fill the silence.

"I've been kinda thinking about it for a while. I wanted to tell you because we don't usually keep secrets from eachtother and it was kinda tearing me apart so I just thought I would tell you..." He keeps talking but I tune him out. How am I going to respond? I can't mess this friendship up because I care about him too much, but I don't like him like that. I mean he's Casper Collins, the guy I've seen shaving. He's seen me pop my pimples. We aren't supposed to date. We are supposed to be best friends. How is this happening?

"I guess it really all started at the beginning of the year..." He's still talking but stops when I turn around. He's rubbing his thumb back and forth against the blanket, one of his nervous habits. Oh God, I'm making him nervous.

"Casper-" I start but he cuts me off, he knows me to well. He knows my let down voice and my good news voice and he can always tell the difference.

"You don't like me." He mumbles and looks down. I can see his hurt in the way that his shoulders hunch and his hair flops forward. He is deflated. I can't do this to him.

"You didn't let me finish," he's still looking down "Casper, you really like me?" I try and change my voice to seem happy, I don't know if he hears the change.

"Ya Lola, I do. I really like you." I take his hand. I can't believe I am doing this.

"Well, that's a good thing." I pause and take a breathe, "I like you to Casper. I just never thought you felt the same way. I like, like you." He looks up. He doesn't believe me, he knows he too well.

"You don't have to say that-"

"No!" I say a little to quickly. I can do this. I can do this. "No Casper I do like you, like that. I was just really surprised at first that's all." He raises his eyebrows, he still doesn't believe me. God he's going to make me work for it.

"Casper," I start, I can't believe I'm doing this. "I like you because you quote philosophers and give me your poems to read and you think so hard about everything. You always have something thoughtful to say and you never disappoint me, ever. You read to me when I'm sad and you let me cry on your shoulder..." he starts to smile and he squeezes my hand. He believes me. "...so ya I like you."

He's smiling now. And then we reaches over to hug me. He takes a deep breath, I can feel his belly rise and fall against me. I'm a terrible person. I just lied to my best friend. I mean I guess it was to make him happy, but still. "Dating" him can't be that bad right? Oh god we're gonna date. I'm a terrible person. I just lied to my best friend.