"Only in Fairy Tales"

Sunlight is dappling through the autumn colored leaves, soothing my mind as I travel from Alabama to Tennessee. Purposefully, I chose traveling country roads so I could better enjoy the splendor of the leaves changing. The inspirational talk in Nashville is free so I rationalized the extra gas expense, skipping all interstates. After all, it is my thirty fifth birthday and I am intent on having a good weekend. My favorite author, Lynn V. Andrews is giving a talk in Nashville and her books have been instrumental in feeding me spiritually.

    When I first read Lynn’s book, “Medicine Woman”, I thought I had picked up a fiction book from the library book sale. It was only after finishing the book and looking to see what other books Lynn had written that I discovered I had just read a non-fiction book. I remember the shock I felt and looking back at the inside cover more than once as the knowledge of the book being non-fiction opened up doors in my heart and mind. I wanted to be her. Have her experiences. Learn from other women shaman healers and seers as she did. Now, I have read all of her work and can’t wait to hear her speak in person.

    However, my mother’s voice keeps creeping in repeating the same message from our earlier phone conversation. “Happy Birthday sweetie. Maybe 35 will finally be the year and you will find a good husband”. That message is implicit with the messages in my mind that drive me insane. I do not want to find a good husband. I want a good husband to find me. Also, living in the south being single at 35 is the same as having the plague. Something must be wrong with me, right?

    My best friend Rosalee and I try and lift each other up when it comes to romance. She is also 35 but divorced. Any man that would let her go is crazy. Tragically, he was crazy. Abusive crazy. In comparison, I would listen to her angst and terror and consider myself blessed to be single. Divorced or not, he keeps breaking the restraining order and I might have to run him over with my car. Scary thought is that I know I have it in me. I am the mamma wolf when it comes to protecting the people I love. Frequently, Rosalee and I assure each other that we are worthy of healthy love. Life hasn’t beaten the passion out of us yet and our hearts aren’t black. We both consider ourselves natural born empaths and healers with so much love to give. Still, there are those dark moments when you wonder…will true love find me?

    Hopefully, I can finally get my mind off everything this weekend and…agghhh I am not going to be able to stop in time. I slam on my breaks just as the deer barely makes it across the road. I look in my rear-view mirror and am astonished that I was not hit from behind as I see a man in a truck getting out of his vehicle. I get out to meet him, feeling less vulnerable standing. My heart is pounding and I look but see the deer nowhere through the thicket of oak and pine.

     “Are you okay?”

    “Yeah. I can’t believe I didn’t hit him.”

    “I am glad you didn’t. He was massive and your Ford would not have liked that so well. I am glad I didn’t rear end you. I saw him coming before you did and all I could do is grip the wheel.”

    “He was beautiful.”

    “Deer hunters around here would have bragged about him for years if he had been caught in their scope.”

    Mesmerized I am looking into his grey eyes. His eyes are almond shaped and bright. He looks too tan for it to be early November. Jet black hair with a few strands of grey.

    “I guess we better move our cars out of the road but I find myself not wanting to drive away.”

    He just spoke what I was thinking. I look down quickly searching for a wedding ring on his hands and then I worry that I am appearing too obvious and I jerk my head up too fast, becoming more obvious. The smile that is splitting his face wide open reveals teeth that are not perfectly straight, but his smile is contagious.

    “I have a house just up the road. Would you like to join me for some hot chocolate, maybe an omelet?”

    My mind thinks of Rosalee’s ex-husband, Blake, and how he probably didn’t seem dangerous when they first met. Too many crime novels have filled my boredom these past years and I hesitate.

    “Trust me. I am not in the habit of asking women to my house. I just realized how scary that must be to you. Tell you what. There is an IHOP about 7 miles down the road and a couple of short turns. Want to follow me there?”

    My heart is still pounding. Is it still from the deer or from his presence? It is as if I am standing in a force field. It feels like the air is literally crackling around me. I dressed casual this morning. Jeans and a sweater with my long dark brown hair straight and loose. I wore my hiking boots but they are new replacing my old ones that I finally wore out. People have told me I am pretty but I am suddenly too aware of the extra weight I have allowed to accumulate on my body these past years despite the long hikes I love.

    His insecurity now shows as he bends his head down waiting for my answer and his hiking boots kick a stone across the road. The laughter bubbles out of me before I can contain it and it feels so good.

    “We have the same hiking boots!”

    I always like the men’s hiking boots because of my Dad getting me ones like his since I was a child. 

    “I will follow you to IHOP.”

    “I will try and not hit any deer on the way.”

    I get back into my car and let him drive in front of me before pulling off. This whole time there has not been one car to go by. He takes the lead and my mind muses at how I will miss seeing my favorite author and I don’t even care. It is not just that this man is ruggedly handsome, it is the feeling I got when I looked into his eyes. It was as if I was remembering him instead of meeting him. The feeling that washed over me was a feeling of love. I have never truly argued for or against the reality of love at first sight. What I have believed is that yes, there can be an instant connection upon meeting someone that can throw the door wide open for love.

    We pull into the IHOP parking lot and I feel shy. When was the last time I ate in front of a man that wasn’t my father? College I guess. Truth is I got my heart broke. He proposed. I accepted. He cheated before the wedding and I broke it off and closed my heart. Got my psychology degree, became a behavioral analyst and tried to tell myself that I was too busy to date. Deep inside always pining for true love but never putting myself in a position to really find it. Come on, Jacquelyn, it is just breakfast.

    The IHOP is crowded and loud but not so crowded that we have to wait for a seat. We sit in the booth and I forget to look at the menu the hostess sets down because I am too busy looking at him. His next words could be described as one of the worst pick-up lines ever or he could actually be a sincere person.

    “Why do I feel as if I already know you?”

    “Funny you should say that. It feels as if I am remembering you instead of just meeting you”.

    The waitress comes up and we both order water. I ask for lemon and we both look at the menu. Only in fairy tales is it like this. I would think I have gone insane but he is commenting on the connection between us. Rosalee might laugh and tell me this is just lust but this is not lust. Sure I am highly attracted to him. He is good looking, but it is his energy. It is like coming home, like kicking your shoes off after a hard day on the job, like the wind on a hot day. The waitress is back too soon and although I am now looking at the menu I have forgotten how to read. Doesn’t matter because I know what I have ordered in the past.

    “I will have the southwestern omelet with salsa and a side of grits.”

    “I will have what the lady is having but make mine a side of hash browns please.”

    The waitress gathers our menus, leaves and he reaches across the table offering his hand to shake.

    “My name is Heath. Nice to meet you.”

    It is so easy to laugh in the presence of his energy.

    “My name is Jacquelyn and it is very nice to meet you”. We shake hands and his hand is warm and a little bit rough.

    “Jacquelyn, I will go first. I am a 4^th generation farmer and I also build furniture. I sale most of my goods at the flea market and I call myself a painter but mostly painting is just for me. Although I have sold paintings, I prefer to give them away.”

    I am listening with ease and am not prepared for what comes next.

    “My wife died of breast cancer four years ago and I haven’t dated a woman since. I have lost myself and told myself that the company of horses and cattle is all I need. I have been angry at God but I am over that now. It took years. I was driving this morning coming back from paying a veterinarian bill and thinking maybe it is time to try and get back out in the world a bit and quit shutting myself off so much. Then I see a white Ford almost kiss the biggest buck I have seen in ages and out steps this woman whose hair shines in the sun and feel like I already know her. Now. Your turn.”

    “I hate to hear that about your wife. I lost a great friend to breast cancer just last year. We went to college together. I was engaged in college but of course that was years ago and he cheated right before our marriage. I felt sorry for myself and shut down my heart while all along wishing true love could be found but not so sure if it would ever happen because I didn’t really feel like trying. I thought he was the one. We got each other and both had a huge passion for the outdoors and animals. I finished my degree and became a Behavioral Analyst. I love my work. Most of the time. I was taking back roads from Huntsville to Nashville to enjoy the autumn foliage. I was on my way to see one of my favorite authors when I almost kissed a deer with my car. A man with steel grey eyes and a force field of warm energy stopped to check on me and now I am wondering if there is such a thing as love at first sight.”

    I can’t believe I said the last sentence but I did. It is out and he is smiling back at me with no fear and an openness that makes his eyes dance. The food arrives and for the first time in my life I feel as if I am floating in the air and wonder if I will be able to eat. My cell phone is ringing inside my purse. I take the call because it is Rosalee and what if she is in trouble? Blake is so dangerous.

    “I am sorry to call but he was banging on my door and I called the police. He broke my door down before the police arrived. I am in the hospital and…”

    “Rosalee. Stop right there. I am on my way.”

    “No. I just wanted you to know in case you called and worried. Keep your plans.”

    “Of course I am coming. See you soon.”

    Hanging up on her, I don’t give her a chance to argue. If she tries to call back, I will ignore the call. Concerned, he looks even more handsome.

    “That sounded serious. Everything ok?”

    “I am sorry I will not be able to eat this meal. My best friend is in the hospital. I need to go.”

    “Sure. I will drive you.”

    “What? No. She is in the hospital in AL.”

    “I figured as much. I have seen your license plate remember?”

    “How do I know you are a good guy?”

    “You don’t but you really don’t need to make a long drive when you are this visibly upset.”

     My hands are shaking as I reach for my water. The room feels as if it is tilting. This is a turning point. Do I trust? It would be absolutely insane to trust a stranger that I just met. This is a crazy world we live in. I have always trusted my gut. Always.

    “What about my car?”

    “You can follow me to my house and we can come back for it later.”

    “Why are you doing this? You do not even know me.”

    “I don’t believe in coincidence. I was thinking about expanding my life when you almost hit that deer. The deer is one of my spirit animals. I believe the deer led me to you. Now, you can think I am crazy or not but that is the absolute truth. We are supposed to get to know each other and let’s see where that goes. Forgive me for sounding forward but you asked.”

    And just like that I am in complete trust of the universe. Lynn Andrew’s writes about spirit animals in her books. Like hers, my spirit animal is the wolf. Hers is the black wolf and mine is the white wolf. But I don’t tell him about my white wolf dreams and obsession…yet. I know people with the deer as their spirit animal are usually sensitive and intuitive. There will be plenty of time for conversation on the long drive ahead of us even though love at first sight only took moments.