Counterfeit

Meeting longtime friends from her college days, Bonnie entered the club head held high. She saw pals, Chelsea, Nicole and Eileen sitting in a booth against the back wall. Bonnie’s emotions soared and dove. Navigating her way toward them, she felt drawn like a balloon in the wake of a cruise ship.

Friends can be brutal. Would they notice the changes? Would they approve? Could they be honest?

‘Do I want the truth?’

She hadn’t seen any of them since before her surgery. This could be an ordeal.

Unless one knew, the work she’d had done was invisible. They knew.

‘At least I don’t have duck lips, like so many…’

She stepped up to their table and smiled. No one noticed her until everyone realized.

Screaming, Chelsea jumped up. “Bonnie! You’re amazing! Hardly recognized you… well, you know what I mean…”

She laughed. “I do…” She did.

They group hugged. Eyes watched. Looking for flaws.

All agreed Bonnie looked great. Better. Wonderful.

Tracking their glances, she knew they meant it. Friends since college, who could believe twenty years had passed?

Listening to them, Bonnie wondered, ‘Are they admiring a stranger at another table? Or addressing a third person within whom I happen to exist?’

Signaling the waitress, they pulled Bonnie into the booth.

They always called themselves ‘the Rummies.’ Had the nick name come from all-night bouts of Gin Rummy? Or from their favorite liquor? Chelsea insisted if cards were the source, their name should be ‘the Ginnies.’

Four mai tais arrived. Chelsea toasted Bonnie while twirling a paper umbrella over her head.

“To our new, old friend!”

They drank and cheered.

“Thanks, guys. I’m getting used to my new face.”

Eileen said, “You look great.”

“She might. But I don’t feel it.”

Confused, Nicole whispered to Chelsea, “She?”

Bonnie clarified. “You know. That stranger who observes from inside the mirror.”

Chelsea guffawed. “You got me! Hilarious. Same old Bonnie.”

They clinked glasses and drank. The conversation shifted, but always returned to ‘the work’ Bonnie had done.  

Chelsea finally said it. “I’m thinking of getting work done too. You know, a little tuck here and there. You inspire me, Bon.”

Bonnie said, “I’ll give you my guy’s number. He’ll love a referral.”

“Sure…”

“Don’t worry. He’s not a Pygmalion – doesn’t fall in love with his work. But he is an artist. Won’t rubber stamp you.”

Nicole said, “I’d never do it.”

Chelsea looked shocked, “Why not?”

“I just wouldn’t.”

“Not that you need it. But… I mean, who doesn’t need an occasional touch up?”

“Isn’t that what make up’s for?”

Chelsea leaned in to Nicole. “What’re you doing, girl?”

Nicole looked confused.

Chelsea pressed. “Why are you here?”

“To celebrate Bonnie.” She raised her glass.

“Then do that. Don’t embarrass her.”

“I’m not. She chose well, for her. All I’m saying is, it’s not for me.”

Chelsea shook her head and gave Bonnie a sympathetic look. Bonnie smiled and said nothing.

Eileen weighed in. “Sooner or later every house needs fresh paint.”

Nicole shook her head. “Look at some of the stars who got work… Sheesh!”

“But…”

“Whatever anyone thinks of my face, I earned every wrinkle.” Nicole made her best vampire face.

Eileen said, “Sure. But these days, nature’s provision isn’t final.”

Chelsea said, “I don’t have to accept the cards I’m dealt. I’ll take three…”

Eileen added, “Right. People dye their hair. Cut it. Style it…”

“…Paint their nails.”

Nicole shrugged. “Cosmetics is one thing. Go for it. Decorate all you want. Call me a wuss, but I’m shy around knives.”

Eileen said, “You’re a wuss.”

Everyone cracked up.

Chelsea said, “Why live with your father’s nose?”

Nicole paused. “That’s all he ever gave me.”

“Oh, sorry.”

Nicole laughed.

Chelsea and Eileen riffed.

“Who picks flowers but doesn’t arrange them?”

“Rivers get bridges...”

“Teeth get capped.”

“…Tattoos…”

Nicole tapped the table. “Again, adornment. Knock yourselves out.”

With an uncomfortable pause, they turned to Bonnie, who shrugged.

Nicole added. “Remember, it’s not like upgrading the kitchen. Once and done. No redos.”

Bonnie’s boyfriend, Blake, approached. Bonnie smiled up at him. The others nodded.

He said, “Hey, beautiful… You ready? No rush…”

Bonnie slurped the last of her drink and grabbed her purse. The others gave her farewell hugs.

Chelsea said, “Sorry about all the debate…”

“Forget it. Comes with the territory. What we do.”

Nicole touched her arm. “So glad to see you, Bon. You look great. Promise me, though, don’t make it a habit.”

Bonnie smiled and nodded.

She waved good-bye, took Blake’s arm and left.

He kissed her and opened the car door. She slid into the front seat.

He got in and turned to Bonnie. “You know you’re the love of my life?” She nodded and pointed at him. “How was the reunion?”

Bonnie didn’t hesitate. “About as expected. Think they approved my new look.”

“How could they not? You look fantastic.”

“You serious?”

“Bonnie… You’re beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful.”

She looked down. “I don’t know. Am I trading one obsession for another?”

“You’re perfect.”

“You think?”

“Everyone agrees.”

“Now? Or before?”

“Both. Your beauty isn’t superficial.”

“Why can’t I see it?”

He started the car and pulled into traffic.

Bonnie said, “Feel like I’m wearing a mask.”

“Then it’s a gorgeous one.”

“But it’s not me.”

“You think you’re alone? That’s everyone’s secret fear. But if you must wear a mask, let it be pretty.”

“I don’t recognize me. Am I hiding from myself?”

Blake grinned. “C’mon, Bon… You were perfect before. Except for the tiniest bit of vanity… oh, wait… you still have it.”

He laughed.

Bonnie frowned. “I get it. Vanity’s my essence. Of course…”

He sighed at his failure to lighten her mood.

“Blake, I’m not talking about a suit of clothes or a lost earring… I’m talking about me. Bonnie. I know me. But where am I? Wish I had GPS…”

He pulled over, killed the engine and turned to her. “I’m all ears.”

“I admit I was never crazy about my face. Hated it. It depressed me for years… But now… I miss it.”

He held her hand to be there for her.

She continued. “When I see ‘myself’ in the mirror, it’s not me. A caricature is mugging back.”

He looked into her eyes and saw the woman he loved.

She said, “I want to see the smile I know. Not a counterfeit.”     

“So, smile.”

She smiled. It felt like trying on a hat that didn’t quite fit.

“You’re great. It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful. What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know it. It’s ragged. Not mine.” She stifled a tear. “I’ll never see it again.”

“Well, you’re still beautiful.”  

He hugged and kissed her. She began to sob. He held her until she calmed.

She dabbed her eyes. Resisting the urge to cover her mouth, she smiled.

Bonnie feared he would tire of her anxiety.

He said, “You know, Bon, it could be worse… Long day. Let’s go home.” He started the car and pulled into the street. They rode in silence.

Preparing for bed, Bonnie peered into the mirror, searching for someone no longer there. ‘I’ll never see her again.’

Even when a child, she hated her looks. But she always recognized herself. No more.

‘Everyone says I look better.’ She couldn’t see it. ‘Now that she’s gone…’

She thought, ‘the real Bonnie’s a ghost, lingering… just out of sight.’

She thought of loved ones gone forever. ‘Life does that. People lose touch. They move on or pass away…’

Bonnie examined her reflection. ‘This ‘Bonnie’ is present. She knows my every thought. Why can’t I see her?’

She knew why.

‘Will this masquerade be my life? I miss my smile.’

She climbed into bed beside Blake. Already asleep, he murmured at her kiss. She scanned the room. It hadn’t changed.

The true Bonnie hadn’t changed.

‘I can still smile inside.’