A Simple Yes Would Have Done I, and It Did

           Why did I not say ‘yes’ so long ago? Why did I say, ‘I don’t know’?  It immediately took negative effect, causing Henry to turn and walk quickly away, cursing under his breath the words still discernible, and slamming the door once he had left the room. If I had said ‘yes,’ my life would have been so different from the way that it is now.. Instead of my finding and losing a long knotty string of commitment fearing boyfriends as I did in my late teens and in my twenties, I would be happily married to the recently elected mayor of town, a man who still looks strikingly handsome 15 years after his failed proposal to me.

            To be fair to myself, though, I wasn’t sure then if marrying him would be right, although to this day I don’t really know why. I remember the words ‘bad-vibes’ floating through my head in what seemed like my mother’s voice, for a few heavy-hearted seconds. Then I uttered my fateful answer. But who knows what ‘bad vibes’ means when you are just 17 and a man in his mid-twenties proposes to you after three rather intense dates? I had never been in a hotel before. You don’t know what to think. I certainly did not at the time.

           Now both Henry and I work for the city, in the same building and on the same floor, often in sight of each other. We usually exchange a few words with each other at meetings. I feel that the gods of love are rubbing my nose in the poop of my “I don’t know”. Henry winks at me, when we first see each other on a day, and touches my hand when we are talking up close. But he is married now, and not someone that can be mine. 

           There’s another guy at work that it would be good to be interested in.  His name is Harold.  He is attractive, always treating me with respect like I’m more than just a secretary, and he is less lofty than one of the big shots (which he happens to be). He even shares the office gossip with me sometimes. But as long as Henry is within sight and sound, I find it hard to think of another guy in a romantic way and of the morbid thoughts that my “I don’t know” cursed me with, forever to be alone, being a spinster before my time at 33. What is the minimum age limit for that?

           Yesterday, both Henry and Harold kind of propositioned me. Henry and I rode in the elevator down to the first floor, without either of us saying a word. Then, when the two of us approached the front door, he invited me to go first, signaling his intent with a deep bow. I, of course, accepted.  When we were both outside, Henry looked at me, took my hand and asked me if I would like a ride home. He knew that my car was being repaired, as I had been complaining rather loudly in the office earlier that day about how long the mechanics were taking. He knew that I would have to take the bus, something that I mentioned several times in the same loud complaint session. I politely turned him down, coming up with a weak excuse, saying that I had to go to the drug store down the road, not saying why, because I couldn’t think that fast. 

           While walking down the sidewalk about half a mile to the drug store, I was trying to come up with something that I might need to buy there, so I wouldn’t be completely lying. I had almost reached my destination when I heard the honking of a horn, and looked to see the other guy, Harold, from the office. When our eyes met, he asked me whether I needed a ride. He must have heard my loud complaint as well. It would have been hard not to. I didn’t want to say ‘no’, but I didn’t want to be caught in a lie the next day if Henry heard about the ride Harold gave me today. I repeated my lie about the drug store, and proceeded to walk at a quicker pace, without waiting for him to reply to my refusal. I bought several containers of lip balm at the store, one of which was ridiculously expensive.. You never know when your lips are going to be dry.

The Meeting

           The next day, there was going to be a big meeting on the top floor of the city office building. Our new mayor, Henry, was going to tell us about his plans for us as civil employees in the immediate future. Before I left for work, I put on lots of lip balm so that I would smell of my purchase to the two men whose offers to give me a ride I had so shabbily turned down.          

           I arrived early, so that I could get a seat near the front, as was my generally practice in meetings. As the people gradually arrived, I noticed that there was no sign of Henry. I asked in a rather loud voice, “Where’s the mayor?”

           Harold, who was standing at the front replied to my question with “I just heard on the radio that he is in court.  Apparently his wife is suing him for divorce after he was caught cheating on her, not with just one woman but with at least several.” 

           We all disbursed in a crescendo of murmuring gossip, as there was safety in numbers. Apparently few of us liked him, particularly the women and saw this as an opportunity to speak their true feelings about him, without there being any repercussions

           My immediate reaction was to say a silent ‘thank you’ to my ‘bad vibes’ detector. ‘You were right all along. Thank you mom’s voice.”

           Then out in words just a bit above a whisper I spoke to the man now standing right beside me, saying, “Heh Harry, is that offer of a drive still good? I know a tavern along the way. The beer there is very good, and they have an excellent dance floor. What do you say?”

           “I don’t know. [insert mental gasp here] Is a simple ‘yes’ sufficient?’

           “Yes.”