The Monk and the Assassin

Ommmmmm….

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Okay. Another four hour meditation surrounded by my fellow monks. 

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Holy Buddah, it’s freezing today in Tibet. Okay, thinking, back to the present moment. 

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This cushion feels itchy. 

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Great, Yogi Teya’s nose is whistling today. 

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So many blades hidden throughout her clothes.  

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Stars. Sharp and deadly weapons. Weapons programmed to kill she showed me as delicately as handing me over a lotus flower.

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Her black leather ensemble tightly clothed around her petite figure like a second skin. She wore it with pride. How could someone be mysterious and dangerous but have such a gentle side? 

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Kai. Sweet, lovely, Kai.

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Sexy, Kai.

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Kai. Just Kai. Nothing more. I still can’t believe she fell through the rafters of our temple last full moon while prowling on our roof. She’s on the run. She’s so dangerous. So sexy.

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She’s an assassin, Toku. She is a trained lethal assassin on the run. She’s in trouble and escaped to Tibet. She needed help. She only needed a place to stay. Only a place to rest her head and regroup. We are monks, we help everyone. She won’t be here much longer. 

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You are a monk. You have been for 23 years. You were born here, will live here and die here. She is just passing by.

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The tranquil walks with her on Patridge Trail were divine. The daytime rain made her face glow. I still remember the floral scent of the azalea as she cut it with her ankle blade and handed it to me. She’s generous, not dangerous. She told me she wanted to be reincarnated as a hummingbird. True assassins don’t want to be hummingbirds. The flower felt velvety with every touch I gave it. It had an aroma of Mother Nature herself. 

It smelled insatiable.

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I hope she’s not upset when I told her I couldn’t keep them. I have no room of my own and no robe that’s only mine to keep the treasure stored in the pockets. 

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The taste of the masala rice accompanied by her warm laughter. She laughed like our melodious windchimes hanging outside our temple. I remember the way she slipped her blossom colored chopsticks from her bun and insisted I try eating with them. Her laughter implored as I dropped my rice trying to use those foreign objects. Who knew what kinds of meals she’d used with those sticks and put into her own mouth. Her delicate, little mouth. 

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The mist from the oncoming rain through the bamboo window feels good on my skin. I feel alive, but still cold. I want some tea. The last tea I drank was a cup of yak butter with Kai. She held the ceramic cup so gracefully like she was nurturing a baby dove. The sweet taste matched the sweet company. I could be mindful in that moment. I could be mindful every moment with Kai.

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My hand feels sore. It’s sore from the hours of calligraphy lessons I gave Kai. We’d wasted so much parchment, so much ink. I was challenged to teach someone who was so intelligent and so attentive the art of my people while remaining serious. Not too serious, as Buddah said. I needed control, self control. It explains why we wasted so much parchment. There wasn’t much control over the stroking. Finally, she admired her art she’d created with astonishment. She said she’d keep it with her always as a reminder of Tibet. Of our time together. Tears formed in the pockets of her eyes. She was practicing beginner's mind. The act of living in each present moment as if it’s like the very first time. 

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I look at her like it is the very first time, every time. 

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COUGHH!

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I miss the sunset stroll on the bridge over the koi pond live with vegetation. Snowcock flew beside us perched on the bridge poles. The fish were friendly to see us, to see her. Without telling me she effortlessly stripped her clothes away and slipped into the water. I’d never been envious of lily pads until that moment. The steam off the water covered her bosom. She almost caught my hand as she attempted to pull me in the water to join her in her wet adventure. My reactivity was too quick for her. I can thank meditation for that. 

Right, meditation. I am meditating. 

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I told her not to go. Not to kill anyone anymore.

Why was she so agitated with me? I did not judge her. I would never judge her. I only have compassion, deep compassion for Kai. 

My Kai.

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I am having only a fair meditation today.

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There is no good nor bad meditation, Toku. There is just meditation. The fact that you are here is enough. 

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The fact that you are here, not with Kai. 

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Maybe I should apologize to her. Maybe I should visit her in our medical wing where she’s staying all to herself. No one else is occupying it but her. She’s leaving soon. She has job duties. Although I don’t agree with them. But I have compassion for her. I have feelings for her. No, Toku. 

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You can't be with her. You are a celibate monk. She kills people. She is assigned to hunt people down and take them out. She had no childhood, no parents, no friends. Just like you. 

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She has to make a living. She can’t live peacefully in solitude like you. You’ll go to her and wish her well. You’ll wish her a good life. It will be the final time you see her in her second skin. It will be the final time you see her in her slick back updo with pieces of hair falling in the front. This will be the last time you see her smile with her almond shaped eyes. 

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This will be the last time you let her kiss you and tell you she wants you. 

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Inhale, exhale. 

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GONNNGGGGGGGG.

Time to see Kai, one final time.