Moles

 01/03/2021 10:00

The rain is comforting me today. I may not be able to leave due to the consistent lashing, but I have never had time like this. Perhaps the world is telling us all to slow down, take a moment and reflect. Subsequently, this is my moment to recollect on everything that I am and can become. I am in my bed surrounded by my thoughts posted on these four walls I call home. Wafting through the things I have left unattended for too long. I guess I can only thank these events for this opportunity to focus on my home and me.

01/04/2021 9:00

Rain is important to everything in this dirty and sometimes unsavoury world in which we inhabit. It washes away all the unnecessary things, hence it rains so much in spring so we can all start anew. It is time for me to also wash away all the unnecessary things in my own environment. I am euphoric in having the time to thoroughly clean along with our downpour of insidious rain. Connecting me and my own little environment to the outside world during this time of separation. Everything in it must have a place and a purpose for this new life awaiting me beyond the rain, within my four small walls.

01/05/2021 7:00

Technically I am not working while the rain tumbles on. Nevertheless, it is important for the mind to have a purpose and I find my purpose in my work. I am choosing to develop my skills and work towards personal goals that will help my career when I can finally re-enter that world. My workplace, I heard is going through its own renovations to match the afterlife, so I must make sure this transition works for us all.

01/06/2021 9:00

Time is ever slowing, much like watching each individual raindrop touch our surface. I have so much time for new adventures and begin with I have crochet. It looks fun in all the videos my fellow caged birds have been sending me. Perhaps I will even start a musical instrument, the guitar or even the bongos. It feels like all the time I have lost in the past have joined together to make me truly realise how much time there is in the world. I have been staring at the same 4 walls for too long they need something new: a tapestry? A painting by me? Amazon shows me all the different choices, yet I feel as my pockets are drying up others are profiting from the turmoil of us dealing with all this time. This is an unfortunate by product of that momentary boost of a new package landing on my doorstep. It is time to open hours of a new things I can work on, that is not myself.

01/07/2021 8:00

I am to start work again in the next week, it is finally forecast to stop. All this time has really been getting to me. A realisation that has only arrived with the departure of the pitter pattering haunting the outdoor world. It may have seemed great to begin with but the feeling of fresh air, the feeling of the world around me is like a great hug I have missed for too long. My first physical conversation will be like a new-born speaking their first words, how does one have a conversation with someone who has become a stranger? How does one conduct a conversation after so much time to reflect? Oh, to have my hands touched by another, to hear others voices in real life. Is this not all so stimulating, I can already taste the sunshine.

01/08/2021 10:00

It has not stopped. In a way I feel the rain getting heavier, everything is getting heavier. Still, I have all my new hobbies to play with. With each day that passes I cannot help but reminisce on the different events that used to plague my every day, the different smells I used to smell. Making each day unique with the different people you crossed on the street. I am starting to fill my four walls with new paintings of various faces to make it feel like a community within my walls. I have breathed the same air as myself for too long, I have felt both so close and so far away from myself. We were so close to the end that I feel we may make it again sooner. Just a little longer for now.

01/09/2021 11:00

As of this moment I have no reason to keep up this charade. No reason to keep a schedule. No reason to get out of bed. They only explained, “due to the rain not ceasing anytime soon, cuts had to be made.” I am unessential, worse than replaceable I am no longer needed to exist. I have not worked in months, but there was something about the security and hope of normality coupled with being employed that cushioned me from the real troubles surrounding me. These 4 miniature walls keep getting smaller. With no hope of seeing any other four in the near future, I fear these walls will be all that remember me once I am gone.

01/10/2021 12:00

These walls are covered in various projects, there is my paintings which have progressively taken a more introspective atmosphere. My crochet pieces which I admit are a lovely burst of colour. My tapestries which have gotten larger and more intricate. My baby sized pots surrounding the images of life before the rain. Though, it is now just beginning to resemble clutter. There is not enough room for my creativity in this small one room home. I am losing interest and momentum; my funds are running out. What is the point in all these things, these silly little things?

01/11/2021 13:00

No one has been to see me in so long, I fear they may not recognise me nor I them. The dishes are like skyscrapers; the clothes are a mountain; a new smell for my surroundings has been formed. It is a different environment, resembling the mess of the outside world. I find comfort in this and all it takes is extraordinarily little energy. I cannot remember the last time I even used the shower, what is the point in getting out of bed only to get back in 20minutes later. One day I might for myself, but not today. Today is another day for rest.

01/12/2021 10:00

December. We are having Christmas over zoom this year, a sad reality but at least we will all be together in some way and I can stay in bed. Unsure if Nana will be able to work it herself, but it may bring some nice entertainment for the day. We have all decided not to do presents this year, not only will we not be there to share them, but we are all struggling slightly for cash. Except for my uncle, he works in amazon’s high office where they are flourishing with the influx of online orders, which people like myself have been financing. Good for them, someone must be profiting from this somewhere this is how our society works Afterall. Almost the new year though and they always say the new year brings new opportunities. We did not think we would all still be here in these four strange walls, nonetheless next year will be our time to break out. I am sure of it.

01/01/2022 13:00

New year, new me! I have decided to start a new hobby, something more fun to keep me entertained while waiting for the rain to end. I am making my own alcohol. There is no worries about it taking up too much room either I just reuse the bottles after each drink. It has taken time to perfect, and it does not taste stunning. But it does the job. I am also sleeping better, each night I pass out. Though it does make it difficult to wake in the mornings. It softens the world a little bit, somethings just need softened to make each day a little more liveable. Something to quieten the mind, I am so fed up with jabbering away. Sometimes you just need some peace and quiet and this is exactly what I need this year, peace and quiet.

01/02/2022 14:00

I thought I heard someone the other day, calling to me. It all seems so strange to hear a voice again. I cannot remember the last time I heard my own voice. Will I have a voice? The day we all see the world again will it be unrecognisable? Will the sun hurt my eyes? Maybe, this is how moles became. They used to be free sociable creatures without a care in the world until one day the smallest thing began to take over their sizable world, so they all found comfort in their four small walls. In the darkness.

01/03/2022 3:00

I was staring out the window today at the rain, the never ceasing rain. But I saw something, I could swear it was slowing with every minute that passed by. I could see the end beginning. It must be ending. And even if it slows even a little, the hope is still seeping through. Either way it must, and it will all end soon.