Expectations

“James it will be fine. It’s Christmas time after all, how bad could it be?” She says encouragingly.

“Luca, you don’t know them like I do. You didn’t have to grow up with them. You can’t know what they’re like.”

“You’re right. I didn’t grow up with a loving family and siblings that actually care about me.” She says, frustrated.

“Luca. You know that’s not what I meant. It's just that they can be a lot to handle. They are a little overbearing sometimes.”

“Well, I guess it's good then that I will be there to step in if you need me too. Okay? Please can we just try to have a good time?”

I nod my head and try to give her a genuine smile, but she sees through it. My shoulders are too tense, and they don’t look natural. Luca notices this, its my tell whenever I am anxious or stressed about something.

“James, get over here.” She closes the distance between us and wraps her arms around my shoulders, hugging me close to her.

“It’s going to be okay; I promise.” She whispers into my ear.

I let myself relax, and for just a moment, I am put at ease. But then I pull away.

“Alright we really have got to get going. It’s a two-hour drive and I need to stop at the market to pick up desserts to bring to the party. I can’t show up empty-handed.”

Luca rushes over to me and takes both of my hands in her. She looks up at me with the goofiest smile she can muster and laughs.

“Are my hands not enough for you?” She sticks her lower lip out and pouts. I can’t help but let out a laugh.

“Come on, lets load up the car.”

We each go to grab a suitcase and pack up the car. We will only be staying for two nights, so one suitcase is enough for the two of us. The other suitcase contains presents to be given out for the white elephant, and for Christmas morning. 

After the car is loaded, I do a final sweep of the apartment, and Luca climbs into the car. I want to make sure all the lights are off, and there is no risk of a burner being accidentally left on. After I am satisfied that everything is in order, I lock the door to the apartment and walk to the car to meet Luca. The car is warm and toasty when I step inside. She must have started the car while I was checking the house.

“Ready to go?” She asks.

“Ready as Ill ever be.” I mutter.

We make a quick stop at the market and I head to the dessert section while Luca heads to get some snacks and drinks for the ride. I pick out what looks to be a coffee cake, and some blueberry lemon scones. These will be perfect for Christmas morning, I think. Luca texts me that she will meet me at the car. I don’t know why she doesn’t just wait for me. She must be eager to get going. I can’t see why.

I check out and head back to the car. I set the desserts in the back seat and then climb in the driver’s seat. 

“Surprise!” Luca exclaims. I look down to her hands and she’s holding a huge carton of coconut water in one hand, and a bag of jellybeans in the other. I can’t help but grin at her. She wanted to surprise me with my favorite candy and drink to try and make me feel better. I’m surprised to find that it worked to a certain extent. 

I lean over and place a kiss on her forehead, our little way of saying Thank you, I love you, and I appreciate you.

I start the car and Luca turns it to the Christmas station. “Baby, its cold outside” starts blasting through the speakers, and Luca jumps in and belts the lyrics. 

I let out a loud laugh and mouth the words along with her.

About halfway through the drive, I noticed little snowflakes appear to be falling. They're small and don't seem too threatening. They are not like the big wet snowflakes that turn the roads into an ice rink five minutes after they start falling. I look over to Luca and notice that she doesn't appear concerned at all. Instead, all I find is her smiling at the white flakes that drift so aimlessly to the windshield, and to the road out in front of us. Instead of shying away from the snow, she rolls down her window and reaches out to touch them. I can't believe how lucky I got with her.

The drive goes faster than I anticipated it would. I assumed the drive would feel too long, but sitting here singing, and talking with Luca has made the time fly by. Soon I find myself turning onto the street I grew up on and turning into the driveway of my family home. 

I let out a loud sigh, and I feel Lucas soft hands touch the back of my shoulders, trying to rub out the tension my anxiety has left behind.

“Take a breath James. Let’s just have fun.” She mutters.

I reach to open my door and walk to the trunk to grab the suitcases while Luca grabs the desserts from the backseat. Once everything is gathered, I head for the front door and reach to ring the doorbell. Before I can even touch the button, the door swings wide open.

“James! And Luca! Oh, I am so happy you were able to make it. I worried that the snow would get too thick and you wouldn’t get here on time!

My mother reaches out to me and pulls me into her warm embrace. I awkwardly hug her back, with one hand around her, and the other hanging to the side holding a suitcase. I am surprised to find that the embrace is not uncomfortable or anxiety inducing, it feels warm.

After a moment, I break away and reach back for Luca and gesture for her to follow me into the house.

She flashes my mom a big smile, and then follows me inside.

I enter into the family room and notice that almost all of my family is seated and engaging in energetic conversation. Laughter rings out, and I scan the room, trying to take notice of who is missing.

I see that my all of my grandparents and aunts and uncles are here, but some of the cousins are missing. A lot of them moved away after they graduated from high school. 

As I am looking around the room, my cousin Grayson shoots forward and gives me a huge bear hug. I can feel myself struggling for breath. Something we used to do as kids, see who could catch the other off guard first. I realize how much I have missed him. We were best friends growing up, only two months apart. The only reason we really drifted apart was because we went to different universities after graduation.

I slap him on the back and pull away and I usher Luca forward to meet him.

“Luca, this is Grayson my cousin.”

“So, you’re the girl James left me for.” He laughs, “It’s really nice to meet you.”

Luca nods her head and smiles.

“You’ll have to tell me all about growing up with him. I want to hear all the juicy details.” She jokes back.

“You got it.” Grayson smirks.

I move toward the stairway so that Luca and I can take the suitcases up to my old bedroom. Luca reaches for my arm and pulls me aside.

“Hey, that didn’t seem too bad. Everyone seemed really happy to see you.”

“You might be right after all.” I admit with a smirk, “I didn’t expect to feel so… at home.”

“James, just because the whole incident happened with your brother all those years back, doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Being overbearing just means they are protective of you. I mean, they have a right to be after what happened to your brother.”

I nod in agreement and lean forward to place a soft kiss on Lucas lips. Then we head back downstairs, hands clasped tightly to one another.