Backyard Coercion

“Come here and talk to me,” Lily pleaded. “I’m just so angry and I need someone to talk to.”

“So, talk, I can hear you just fine. What’s he done now?

Lily put her hands on her hips and frowned. “Why can’t you just stop what you’re doing for a minute?”

“Because I can’t,” Brady said. “Are you going to tell me or not?”

She dropped into the lawn chair, flipping her hair behind a shoulder. “I made him dinner. I cooked his favorite steak and he won’t eat it. Evidently you aren’t supposed to boil a filet. It’s cooked. I don’t see the problem.”

“So eat it yourself.” Brady pounced on a sunflower seed the clumsy Blue Jay had dropped.

“I never eat that stuff. No.”

Brady stopped and looked over at her for the first time. “You mean to tell me that you have food available and you don’t eat it?” He squeezed the seed hard enough to crack it. Using his teeth, he tore the shell the rest of the way open and scarfed down the kernel inside.

Lily sniffed. “You know I don’t eat meat.”

“Yeah, I know. And we all appreciate that,” he waved his small hand to include the other inhabitants of the yard. “But this is food. And you don’t know where you’re next meal is coming from.”

Her laugh tinkled across the lawn. “Of course I do.”

He almost ran across the yard, but the Blue Jays were fighting and seeds would be raining. If he scurried across the yard to argue with Lily, someone else would take his prime spot beneath the feeder. And he hoped to entice Mary Lou into hibernating with him if he could collect enough seeds.

“What do you mean?” He shouted, waving his squirrel arms.

“I just go down to the grocery and get it. Or order takeout. Or delivery.” She shrugged.

He almost didn’t see the sunflower seed which landed beside him, but movement as Carl tried to sneak over and snatch it alerted him. But this news…he couldn’t wrap his head around such bounty.

“Wait,” he wrinkled his nose. “This grocery place? Do they have seeds? Sunflower seeds?”

She nodded. “That’s where I get them if I’m in a hurry. But I usually go to the birdseed store.”

“THERE’S A WHOLE PLACE FULL OF SEEDS?” He shrieked and the yard fell silent. Squirrels turned to face Lily, and even the Blue Jays stopped in their battle for dominance and waited.

“Well, yes,” she said. “Where did you think I was getting them?”

“Let me get this straight. You walk into a place, full of seeds, and walk out with arms full of seeds?”

“In a bag,” she clarified. “But yes.”

“You have access to all those seeds? Then what in the name of cruel tricks is this about?” He stomped to the pole and pointed above to the baffle which prevented he and his family from climbing the pole. “You hoard your seeds, and force me to crawl around on the ground and snatch up whatever those noisy feathery gluttons drop?” The Blue Jays frowned at being called gluttons, but they stayed quiet. After all, if Brady succeeded in getting Lily to share more seeds, the birds would no doubt get the lion’s share.

She stared in confusion. He leapt onto the pole, then attempted to climb the baffle, sliding off and falling onto the ground.

Her giggle was cut short by the murderous look he gave her when he stood up and brushed the grass from his fur.

“Brady, dear,” she whined. “If I let you up there all the time, you’d just eat the seeds.”

The Blue Jays chattered. “You’re not getting our seeds,” Arnold shouted down.

“I would fill my cheeks and leave,” Brady said.

“And then you hide those and come back for more,” she said. “Over and over.”

“Because I don’t know where my NEXT MEAL IS COMING FROM!” Prime spot forgotten, he stomped over and jumped onto the deck. Climbing to the railing to be at eye level with her, he chattered angrily. “You go into that house, get us a bag of seeds and leave them where we can get them. Or I promise you, I will chew the tops off every flower that gardening guy plants for you. And they’ll help me!” He looked to his squirrel buddies who cheered their agreement.

“You wouldn’t,” Lily raised up from her lounging position.

Brady dropped to the ground and darted to the flower bed at the base of the oak tree. Pulling the stem toward him, he spread his mouth open and prepared to chomp the iris he held.

“Stop!”

He watched her, motionless, razor-sharp teeth bared, until she stood and went into the house. Returning, she dumped the bag she held onto the ground in a fat line along the edge of the deck. The iris sprang back as Brady released it, scampering to claim his spot amid the squirrels, Blue Jays, and assorted birds which fell on the feast instantly.

“I hope you’re happy,” Lily sniffed as she returned to her chair.

“Yemph,” he said through the cheek full of seeds as he scampered up the oak tree to deposit them in his stash. Returning for a second trip, he noticed Mary Lou looking at him with more interest than she’d shown yesterday when he’d only had a couple of seeds to offer her. Maybe he should ask her out again.

And maybe Lily needs to head to the seed store if she wants to keep those fancy flowers, he thought as he winked at Mary Lou and stuffed his cheeks, expanding them until he was sure his face would split in two. He’d talk to Lily tomorrow. Make her a deal she couldn’t refuse. Right now, he was busy impressing the cutest lady squirrel in the yard. He puffed out his chest as he scampered back up the tree, certain now that he’d have a companion for the long winter nights.