Welcome home, my child

May I put forth first and foremost, that when it was my turn to be put into the bottle rocket, I didn't put up a fight, for what reason? I merely accepted my long awaited fate, and oh I couldn't wait to get back into the womb. I'd be able to feel once more. All my angst and anger that I was carrying with me on earth was dissipating as I was blown out of hell and into heaven. Let me tell you my story as to why I loathe all inhabitants of earth. Back into the womb.

Naked and vulnerable to the blackness that is mother space, and the rocket that will shoot me into infinity. For years, I always knew that this was going to have happen to me. and fear was something that I found solace in, in knowing that I was safe from the moon. The moon, my dear reader, reminded me of my mother, so big and intimidating, it takes me way back when I was in her black womb, so serene, nice and innocent. Those nine months of indifference were one that when connected to her umbilical cord, I found that I met god, or what I thought was god, and the nirvana and bliss that one was feeling during inception and creation. But my wretched devilish mother boked otherwise, for one devilish day, I found that I was being pulled, I was losing all colour, my blissness was poured drained and pulled rather aggressively might I add, resist as I might, i was being forced out, forced out of heaven and into the world of hell, and then as a warm, gratuitous welcoming, a light stabbed rather violently into my eyes and the greeting of her tears were one, at least I believe, were mockery, I was born.

And I detested the meaning of born, I was born already, I had lived the life of christ and yet here I was being crucified, I wanted to crawl back into the womb and sleep eternally in the blackness, but of course, fate didn't have it. the rocket took off alright, it surely did, blasting off into the life that was known as humanity, and I was still blasting off, my tears were screeching and wailing louder and louder and this seemed to have merely made the welcoming of my mocking existence more and more graceful and terrifying, and now here the time came once more my dear reader. Now a fully grown adult, at least in body, my mind never did mature, it was still jealous and envious of my card that was pulled, but now I was being able to leave, escape, return once more to my space, and be in blissful bliss. And I didn't resist, I was actually leading the way for the doctors to load me into the womb once more and shoot me off into bliss and then the countdown began.

10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3....2....1 and blackness, the umbilical cord was cut and I was free, and back into the blackness, into space once more free from the curse that is humanity, the moon was to welcome me once more, and dear reader, I was aborted off all ramifications, free of thought and will from humans, I was aborted, my dear reader!!! Blast off I did, and blast off did my mind and body, and welcome the infinite black once more. No longer nine months, but with the universe, eternity. And the people, or rather the devils, I was leaving behind, and gladly so, so long you creatures from hell, for I was returning to my mother's womb once more and this time, I'd have good company for the you were to accompany me as well. The difference between space and the womb are a reverse of the mind, we're already into space, but dear reader, you and I shall sleep in perfect bliss and the rocket has taken off and so has our minds. No more fear, no more tears, no more humans, that is heaven, my dear reader, and I'm reunited with it once more.

May I add when I was taken from the womb and brought into this world, my parents were so happy to see me in misery, and there was even the since of heaven still connected to me, that umbilical cord was making me clutch onto something left, but that fucking doctor took his cciosrs and was about to clip my lifeline, but he stopped and I thought, he would have mercy on me, the child of god, but my own father came in and took the scissors and was scratching my belly with the the impending scissors, and then snip, it was gone and then what came next was the choir of screams from my mother, to father and to the doctor who shed a couple of tears.

A beautiful and innocent child was born and I was here amongst the rest of them and I was disturbed and angry, full of bloodlust, and from then on out for the rest of my life, I was, what they would label angsty and moody, not even the gay cartoons by which I saw on tv were enough to make me escape my anger, it was there, like a shadow.

No matter how much my parents kissed me (rather slobbieb over me), no matter how much they annoyingly whispered into my ear, no matter how much love (what they call it), my anger never did subside and as I write this, I still have a bit of unrequited bitterness, but I will not do this to myself. I shall merely pen down the rest of my story and then fall into eternal bliss.

As I grew older and older, the birth of emotions came and not happily might I say, so they joined me in my misery, company that I surely appreciated, and that damn shadow never did leave me, and I didn't want it to. And I got off on that, may I add, feeling like a presence that was unknown and having the feeling of doom and gloom of other people, and it inevitable and gratefully turned them all off, and it brought pleasure to me, and when I did these acts to people, that feeling returned once more, back into the womb, how I wanted that feeling once more. Teenagehood and to adulthood, though when your a living and breathing shadow, all the colours bleed into one another, panting a colour of blackness, which I yearned for once more.

So you see dear reader, you see my dilemma, one another realm, beyond these devils, was one of escapism and when NASA presented me with the act of going to the moon, it brought back those feelings of bliss, and those months within my mother and I knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and by the word of god and the devil, I wasn't going to fight it.

For nights and days, the dreams by which I would inhabit would be of lucidity of the blast off, the shoot off into the womb once more and I could sleep as long as I wished, and all the dreams that I dared dream would be of heaven once more.