What is Real?

Rorg. He is a troll. He appears to be friendly as he offers me hand. I take it hesitantly, but soon give in. His handshake is firm and crushing. He laughs, a sound that is deep and coarse. “Are you fellow traveler human?” His features come to life under the firelight.

I avert my gaze to the sky and reply. “I am.”

Rorg laughs again, holding his leather armored stomach. “Are you good to my kind, or are you bad one?”

Wow. This troll talks like a typical troll.

I feel my throat tighten in his presence. I shouldn’t fear him, he seems genuine. I rise out my shelter to stand infront of him, my head only meeting his chest. “I’m alright.” I say. “Although I’m not friendly either.” I shrug, and Rorg looks stunned, his heavy brows furrowed. “I guess it just depends if I like you or not.”

Rorg slams to the ground, the earth vibrating. “I am a good troll.” He says. “Rorgarad likes humans. They have a good flavor.”

Crap. Is he going to eat me. If so I need to make a run for it. I take a step back ready to sprint off into the night, but the troll yells. “No. I have put human behind me. Dwarf is much more tender, but elf is also a good choice. They have not much meat, but their bones have tasty marrow.”

“What are you doing here?” I demand abruptly, catching the troll off-guard. “What do you want?” I reach out the dagger in my boots,a gift from an innkeeper, and threaten him with it.

I pull it to his bulging neck, ready to slit his throat if he tries anything funny. The troll simply nods, which catches the end of the dagger, causing a drizzle of blood to escape. “Rorgarad promise he no harm to human boy man. He is just lonely and saw a fire. Rorgarad want to be friend.”

Friend? Should I trust this oaf. Can I even deal with him by my side. Gods, even his voice is almost damaging my brain. I let go of the blade, only slightly. I grit my teeth and laugh incredulously. “Well, if you want to be my friend make yourself useful.”

The troll nods, black eyes wide and willing to follow what ever cap I tell him. I snicker under my breath. Should I? No, that seems to cruel. I look back to him, still his thick jaw is gaping and eyes staring waiting for a reply. “Alright you can follow me.”

Rorgarad leaps up from the ground and dances on the spot. Gravel fills the air, and even large rocks jump form the ground. I bring the dagger to his thigh and slice his forest green skin.

It stops him, but he yells in anger and thrusts the back of my head.

I fall to the floor, ears ringing, vision blurred. I hear his snorts and groans. “Why do you make the red come out?” He cries, almost like a injured child. “I just want friend. Friend don’t hurt each other.”

Just shut the hell up! I rise despite the dizziness, I hold the area where I was hit and spit out some blood. “Your quite strong.” I say, hoping this will cheer him up a little.

The troll cocks his thick head and points a juicy finger towards himself. “I strong?” He sounds utterly bewildered.

“Did you not hear what I damn said?” I exclaim. “I said your strong!” I throw my arms around. “You could of knocked me dead if you went for real.”

“For real?” He mutters. “What is real?”

Help me now. Somebody please. I sigh, throwing myself next to his knee. Gods he smells. Its bad enough to kill a flower. “What is real?” He asks again turning his head.

I shake my head sighing. “Real?” I say. “I don’t know you tell me.”

“But I don’t know!” He spits.

“Exactly.” I reply sharply. “Nobody knows what the hell real is.”

The troll is silent, perhaps I’ve given him something to think of. “Are you real?” He says touching my shoulder.

“Maybe.” I say. “Or I may just be a character in some random guys dream. Maybe none of this is real.”

“I want it real.” He says moving his jaw. “It is real.”

“Like I said. Maybe. Maybe.”

The troll is still with me late into the night. I can’t sleep now with him around. Still we lie together and look at the stars. I tell him that they are far away and he doesn’t understand that. He asks "Can trolls touch the stars."

I say with an amused laugh, “No.”

He grunts with a shrug of his broad shoulders. “Stars are big and strong, but not strong as troll.”

To that I laugh to myself. Who knew that a troll could be so entertaining.

I tell him that our world may just be one of many. To which he replies with, “Is a world of meat real?” He says so naively its hard not to laugh.

“Possibly.” I say wiping away a dry tear. “If so, can you think of the possibilities? You’d never go hungry again.”

The troll snorts happily, his black eyes gleam in the dying fire. For some reason, I’m growing attached to him. What started out as initially willing to kill him, has now turned into I don’t want him to get hurt, in just a matter of hours.

He smiles, something that is so ugly it is beautiful. “Are you ever scared?” He says. I can tell he has been hiding this for a long time, its by the way he turns his gaze away from me, and how his tone shifted from deep, to very deep.

I blink repeatedly unsure of what to say. The troll sniffs, and the wood crackles, the river splashes. “Of course I get scared.” I say placing my palm on the back of his brutish hand.

“What are you sacred of?” He asks, sniffing and wiping his nose.

“Well…” I begin to stutter digging deep into my heart for the words. How can I put it to make him understand? I smirk, but unknowingly. “I’m afraid of the ones I love being lost forever?”

“Lost?” He says, confused. “If they are lost, can be found.”

“No.” I say, more sternly that I wanted, but he doesn’t care either way. “I mean, as in them dying.”

“Dying?!” He exclaims, worry strangling his voice. “I heard that word. Not good. Are you dying?”

“No.” I yell. “I’m not dying.” I lower my voice, taking a long inhale of night air. “I’m not dying.” I repeat. “But I will, eventually.”

“Eventually? What does eventually mean?”

“Soon.” I tell him.

The troll lifts his head, I see tear flooding his pitch eyes. “Soon? You dying soon?”

I nod gravely. “Not soon, but eventually. There is a difference.”

The troll shakes his head, fiddling with the hem of his leather armor. “Will I dying soon?”

I hesitate, searching for the kindest words I can muster. After what feels like a lifetime of silence, I finally whisper, “Everybody dies. Even the immortals who defy time itself… they fade, like whispers in the wind.’ My voice falters as the weight of my own words settles. “It’s just… life,” I say, more for him than for myself.. “And we all learn to live with it—or try to.”

The trolls rough skin brushed against my lap. He moves forward, his face inches from mine, his breath horrible and humid. “But I don’t want to dying. Cousin brother dying and brother cousin did not come back. They say he went to Feastier.” Is that troll afterlife? Well, I guess everyone has their versions of what happens next.

I nod, my lips shaking. “Well, I can’t stop you from dying, but they were right when they said he went somewhere else.”

“To Feastier?” He asks, wiping puddles of snot form his nose.

I say this even though I’m unsure myself “Yes.” I tell him. “and there, you will never be dying again.”

“Never be dying?” He fiddles with a pebble.

“Never.” I tell him.

“But human can not go Feastier, that is what troll say. Only troll go Feastier, where do you go when you dying?”

“I don’t know.” I say. “But if there is a place beyond this. Then I hope its real.” I struggle with my own words, the weight of this conversation gripping me. “You see there are too many places that people say we go to after we pass-”

“Pass?”

“Dying.” I say.

The troll nods, I see his throat tremble and knees shake. I close my eyes, choosing my next words carefully. Words that will hopefully bring comfort. “Like I said. People have created thousands of places we are taken to after all of this. I don’t know if some even exist, or if any at all.” I clench my fists together, looking up to the stars again. “That’s why, if this is the only place. I intend to live life to its fullest before I enter the dark forever.”

The troll brushes his hand against my head and smooths out his voice. “I hope you in Feastier, then we eat all want.”

I chuckle wiping away a small tear. “Anything we want?”

The troll laughs. “I can’t wait to be dying.”

Sunrise comes and I begin traveling with Rorg. He is singing as we climb up a grassy hill, filled with insects that the troll picks up and eats. “Human man boy want some?” He asks offering me a squished larvae.

I wrinkle my nose. “Yeah, no thanks.” Rorg shrugs and throws the bug into his mouth, chewing slowly.

We make it to the top of the hill, the beauty is breathtaking, and somewhere far off into the distance is a city. Its black bricked buildings gleaming and high church spires stretching into the sky. “Why humans build places like this?” Rorg asks, though its more of a growl.

I sigh, and ignore him. Figure it our yourself.

We trek down, Rorg nearly tripping over more than once. Bird flutter and a frog leaps past our feet. I wonder how far off I still need to go to reach the academy. Or if I’ll even get there at all, to be honest I’m just walking blind.

We reach the bottom, the grass is long and thick. Ticks are bound to be here, and I can’ risk dying of Lyme disease. Rorg however, his knees barely reach the grass. With a sling I hoist myself onto his back, it takes more than an effort to tell him why.

“You want me to carry you?” He scratches his head. “I do it.”

I am impressed on how I have made friends with this idiot. I shouldn’t get too attached to him.

We reach the end of the long grass. I hop off his back and thank him. Rorg claps his hands and laughs. “Human man boy polite. Troll no manners, Troll don’t have polite as human man boy.”

I can’t help but chuckle at his charmingly ugly grin. “Don’t worry,” I smirk. “I’ve got manners for days.”

Rorg leaps, and lands with a miniature earth quake. “Can we go to city?”

“No”

“But I have never been city. Rorgarad only been to troll caves. Troll caves smell bad, like rotting meat.”

“Well, that city won’t be much difference.” I point to the horizon. “Cities are just about as dirty as any old cave.”

“But city gets clean.”

“No,” I shake my head, I don’t even know why I’m bothering. “It is dirty from the people that live there.”

“But people no dirt. They people.”

See what I mean? I adjust the sack of food on my shoulder. “In cities, there are bad people. People who will want to hurt you.” For a moment his eyes flicker, but is soon replaced by a frown. “But no one hurt Rorgarad. Rorgarad strong. Rorgarad safe.”

Oh all the lords! I run my fingers through my hair, determined not to lose my crap at something so petty. “We’re not going through the town.” I say, gritting my teeth. “And I don’t give a damn if you throw a tantrum.”

Rorg stomps his feet, a boulder cracks in half. “You no father. You only human man boy, I want city.” He storms off yelling.

Crap! I can’t just let a oafish troll run amok in a city. I bite my tongue and curse under my breath. “To hell with this.” Or maybe I should. Perhaps this is my chance to be alone. Anyway, what am I worried about?

Fine. Rorgarad can go, it will save me some stress.

I watch him for some minutes longer, his bulky body a silhouette from a distance. I hear his yelling and whoops of excitement. “Farewell.” I say to myself with a small wave.

But I swear, if I hear his stupid, thundering footsteps running back toward me, begging for help—I don’t know if I’ll be infuriated or relieved.

As I watch his hulking sillohette linger a little longer, I think to myself. Was this even real?