Dawgs Notice, Too.

We’re going out! We’re going out!

I can’t stop my tail from wagging. If that damn thing shakes one more time, I’m coming for it.

Okay, mister.

That’s it.

You did it again.

And now. I’m. fucking. Coming. For. You.

Around, around, around. Blurring black and grey. Ow, ow, ow. Dizzy, so, so, very dizzy.

All right, I think, tongue lolling out of my maw, why must you be so stubborn? We both know I’m the boss.

Oh, yes! Daddy’s voice!! He’s home!!!

Oh no. He looks very tired. Maybe I’ll cheer him up. Show him a little love.

Aw. He didn’t like it when I jumped on him. Man, the things I do to please this overgrown idiot.

Ok, good. He looks a little sad, now that I’m whimpering. Maybe he’ll give me a treat.

Treat treat treat.

Ohhhohh. This is so much better. His hand is so warm. And the way he strokes my ears. OH, my lord.

Yes, I want a belly rub. Yes. I do.

Give it to me.

Now, demon child.

Ahhh yes, that’s the spot. Oh yes. Right there.

Sorry!

I didn’t mean to kick you! No, don’t stop!

Please, I really love your belly rubs…you just tickled me a bit and I couldn’t control it. How is that my fault?

Oh no. Oh no no NO.

Don’t bring out that godforsaken red torture device.

No. Please, Daddy. You know I’m your favorite child, though you pretend to love the small human more than me in front of Mom.

Ow ow! It hurts! It stings! It chokes! You absolute monster!

Okay, I guess you know my tricks. You don’t look very happy given my…violent reaction.

Fine. I guess we’re going out. With the leash. Dawgs, just saying it out loud makes me growl.

Oh, shut up. You know I’m growling because you don’t trust me. Don’t pretend I’m getting upset for some other random reason.

Oh, Daddy, don’t look sad. Come here. I’ll give you a big wet kiss.

Yes. Just like that, come down. Slowly, slowly.

AHA!

Pounced!

Struck!

The dawgy terror is at it again!

And you look a little happier, though mildly disgusted.

Oh, so you’re wiping your face before we go outside. Okay, that makes me feel a lot better about my bodily habits, dawg discriminator. It’s not like I can control how wet my kisses are.

OH. And we’re going outside.

Oh wow!

The smell of freshly mowed grass! Daddy, wait! I want to make a pit stop.

Thanks! You’re the best dad ever…which is why I apologize in advance for this.

AH, that feels good…knowing I’ve marked my territory.

Daddy, don’t bring out the blue gift bag…I’m not going to leave you any chocolate colored presents today. Or at least, not now. I don’t feel like it.

Ow, my legs are so damn sore. I’ve been cooped up inside for too long.

Wait.

Why are the park people not here today?

All the small human terrors aren’t playing on the grey metal thingie. No one’s in the giant, sandy kitty litter box. There’s no one near the big plastic flying devices.

I miss them.

I miss their voices.

At least two of them would be coming over to massage me right about now. Maybe give me a nice belly rub.

Perks of being the only dawg in the hood.

They’re not here, but Daddy doesn’t look too surprised.

He didn’t bring our small human with us, either.

Are the small humans banned from the park?

No, that doesn’t make sense.

Their mommies and daddies would have to be banned, too—they’re not here today, either.

I’m not too sad—this means that I get to mark my territory on the entire park today!

I must be prancing like one of those prissy poodles because my leash is yanking on the scruff of my neck.

Slow down, slow down.

Okay, I guess we’re walking now. Around the hills.

The path doesn’t smell like people.

It smells strange. Unfamiliar. What’s going on?

Daddy, you’re not responding to my whimper, only sighing.

Okay. I guess the humans don’t like each other anymore.

Oh wait!

Daddy!

I see one up ahead!

Let’s say hi!

Ouch, the leash is tugging me—well, I’ll break all rules and tug it along this time.

And I’m flying!

The red monster is flying behind me. I don’t care.

The human looks scared, briefly.

Oh, no.

She’s running away!

Somebody scary must be behind us.

I’ll run too.

Oh, she’s running faster.

Her giant legs are very fast, but mine can catch up.

I’m a little out of breath, but I must escape the thing we’re running from.

Daddy yells at me when I bark.

I’m sending him a distress signal. Why is he complaining?

Wait.

Is the monster behind him?

Should I go back to save him?

Yes. Any loyal dawg would. Okay.

I’m scampering back.

Mission Save Daddy is a go.

Okay, there’s no monster.

Only a very relieved Daddy, who looks a little mad.

Daddy, you know I’d never abandon you, right? You’re my number one big human. Don’t tell Mom.

Why are you so upset? And why is your voice so dark, so joyless?

Okay, you just called me “boy.” That must mean you’re feeling better.

But now, you’re sounding like someone died. Or something terrible happened.

You can’t keep me waiting like this! This is worse than being on a leash. Just. Spit. It. Out.

I know you can do it.

I’m going to whisper possibilities in your ear until you nod.

One, small human got lost.

Two, Mommy got mad at you.

Three, your boss got mad at you.

Four, you lost the big, honky thing in our house’s cold, giant room.

Five, someone told you that Goldie, the retriever from two neighborhoods down, likes me. It’s okay if that’s the truth. You know you’ll always be my number one.

Ok, five clearly isn’t the case, because you’re just looking upset. And you wouldn’t look that upset if you heard about me getting some action in my love life.

What’s that word you’re saying?

It sounds like a candy.

Maybe it’s a new type of treat.

Dang, it came out as a bark when I said it and you looked even unhappier. 

What type of candy has that type of power over you, Daddy?

Oh, you said it again.

Coronavirus.