Have You Ever

Have you ever noticed how once some thing gets into your head, it’s twice as hard to get it out than when you let it in? I suppose that is because we let all sorts of things in, without really paying attention, even recognizing it is happening. Involuntary absorption of external stimuli that have no definitive purpose, but exist all the same. They just end up in our heads, collecting dust, well I guess it would have to be brain dust, but then I don’t know if there is such a thing, but you get the idea. 

What I’m talking about are the ideas that creep into your mind and just sit there, and then when you least expect them, they jump out and scare the bejesus out of you. You then begin to think about not only what they are, but how they got in there. It starts a whole other set of cogs and wheels in motion and you have no idea where that is going to lead.

That’s one of the big problems, if you are prone to distraction anyways. Like sitting on a bus, or subway; all the adds circling you like you were about to be attacked by an indigenous band whose land had been stolen, and although you had nothing to do with it, you are still there. You are involved.  Now what?

Some people have recurring dreams. My neighbor Gus, he don’t say much, but when he does it always has to do with his reoccurring dreams. He won’t tell me what they are, or even what they are about, so I don’t know how I’m supposed to help him with that. But I do understand the reoccurring part. 

I’ve attempted to explain that to Gus, about the reoccurring, but he just changes the subject like he doesn’t want to know about my problem, or just doesn’t care. Some people are like that. They are only concerned with what affects them, their problems. It is like they believe they are the only ones that have problems. And I know that can’t be true because, Gus has problems, I have problems, I’d bet there are millions of people who have problems. We just don’t hear about them.

One thing I can say about Gus is that he is a listener. He sits by me and looks me in the eyes, and listens so intently I fear at times he has left, and will not find his way back. But then Gus is deceptive in that respect. You never really know what he is thinking.

There are a lot of people who are shy. I understand that. No one wants to hang their problems out in public for everyone to see, but then if you don’t, how are you going to compare and learn. I always found the best way to learn is to analyze a problem. Get to the roots of it. Follow it back to the beginning to see how it started and if it was your fault. Not everything is your fault you know. Sometimes like I said, it’s nobody’s fault, things just pop into your head and refuse to leave.

Just the other day I was walking down the street to the store and I see this sign. It says, NO STANDING! OK, so what does that mean? I look around, there’s no one there, no reason to be, it’s just a curb in front of an alley. Who’d want to stand there anyway. So the city puts up these signs tellin people not to stand there, when no one would stand there anyways. Now I’m from the Midwest where if it ain’t Lutheran meat and potatoes, well its hard to swallow. But we do use plain English to get our myths across. 

That’s the kind of thing that makes me crazy though. Everywhere I go now I see the NO STANDING signs. They are all in places where anyone in their right mind wouldn’t stand anyway, but they put up the signs, just to spite me I’m convinced.

So I can’t get these stupid signs out of my head. It is like someone got hired to run around in front of me and put up these signs. Well, it started to really get to me, and I had to do something. I don’t know a lot of people, I prefer it that way, but I needed to ask somebody about their meaning before I went completely nuts. So I think of Gus.

Gus even though he don’t like to talk about his problems, enjoys believe it or not, takin about signs. I guess I knew that, but put that knowledge up there with the dust. So I mention to him about the sign epidemic I’ve been experiencing. He says as nonchalantly as I’ve ever heard him say anything, “You too?”

“What kind of signs you got?” He asks. So I tell him about the NO STANDING signs, and he says, “Oh is that all.” Is that all? How can some people be so insensitive. “Is that all” is like being kicked by a strange horse. Out of blue like you’d done something. 

So I ask him, “What do you mean by, is that all?”

He just kind of looks at me like we was talking about the reoccurring thing again. Now I don’t know if he has powers, or can read minds or anything like that, but he says “that’s probably cause you are in a wheel chair. People who have problems see themselves, no project themselves, into situations adverse to the problem they have. You being in a wheel chair think unconsciously of course, about standing up. So you place these signs everywhere so you don’t have to feel bad about how you are, and can transfer that animosity you’ve built up towards the signs, and those that put up the signs.

Look, it’s no different than they used to do with drinking fountains and well, you know, down south. People need a way to transfer what they don’t understand, or want to understand, something tangible, something they can see, something they can blame for their inability to understand.

It is always easier to blame others for the way you feel or think, than yourself. You probably know that better than most.” And he goes on and on about all kinds of things I didn’t care about.

“So, you are telling me the signs are just there because I want them to be?”

“No, that’s not what I said at all. You been smokin again?

"NO! I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

"Well, you ate three packages of HO'HO's since you been sitting here."

"Oh."

 "You see them signs as an assault on you personally, because they affect you. You need to find a way to make them make sense to you so you don't get angry at what you believe they say, just because they affect you. It’s like they are pointing a finger and making fun of you. Am I right? and you know they can't point. They're signs for god's sake.”

I guess he could be on to something. I do tend to extrapolate from one thing to another from time to time. Never had it explained to me like that before. I guess it makes sense.

“So, how come you know so much about swapping one thing for another?”

He kind of breaks down. I don’t mean he falls apart, but I could see the pins holding him together were turning to Jell-O, when he laid down I should have let it go, but I was curious. He looks at me with those droopy eyes of his, and says, “Things mean different things to different…" and then he sighs.

"Sign posts have a different purpose for me. they talk to me in ways they wouldn't talk to you. Everyone has to find their own purpose in what they see and how it fits into their lives.” And then he looks at me to see I got what he's saying to me.

I could see his point. I needed time alone however to peruse the path he put me on. So, I patted him on the head and he just smiled that goofy grin of his and wandered off down the street, tail wagging, and of course stops at the first sign he comes to, just to make his point I assumed.