Dear Diary zzz

Dear Diary,

It's now currently twelve after midnight and my brain just won't switch off! I even made myself a camomile tea to wind down with. But alas, here I am still wide awake and going nuts over the constant thoughts invading my mind!

I tried counting sheep but then my mind wandered off to the time I spent on my best friend Tracey Macmillan’s farm back when we were both 6 graders. She had a pet sheep named Woolly Mammoth and she was quite a hefty sized ewe I can tell you that!

We would spend hours racing around the paddocks with Woolly Mammoth leading the way. She was not your regular sheep. She acted more like a dog then one of her own species!

See what I mean! Okay let's try this again. I'm going to close my eyes, focus on taking slow deep breaths and...

Oh god! Did I remember to take the bins out for the garbage collection in the morning? I should say, this morning. I think I did because I can remember seeing Trevor Larkin from number 22 talking to Richard Dempsey from across the road about the recent break-ins our little neighbourhood had been experiencing.

This is getting ridiculous! Maybe if I took a valerian or two it might help me to fall asleep sooner. I can only but try.

Before I forget, Dear Diary,

I met someone who I think may be my Soulmate! OMG! He looks like Johnny Depp and he has this friggin awesome 1967 Norton Commando motorcycle! I would look like a hot biker chick on the back of that mean machine!

Oh dear...I got so excited about meeting my dream guy I forgot to take a valerian. It is now closer to one am and I’m still no closer to sleep! I am going completely insannnnnneee!

I know! I could try listening to one of my sleep meditations. They used to work a treat when I was doing my shift work. Now where did i last see my iPod?

Oh no! I forget to let the cat in from her toilet break earlier! Poor wee fluff ball will be frightened out of her wits if I leave her out all night! Especially with that scoundrel of a dog from number 15 roaming around! He does not like cats, mine in particular!

"There, there Princess J, its ok you are safe and snug inside now"

Now the cat is taken care of, I can get down to the business of sleep! I just have to pee first. Then I can drift off without feeling like my bladder is going to burst! I shouldn't have used my big mug for my camomile tea last night.

Ok I have peed, tucked Princess J in her little kitty bed for the night. Now it's time to get some serious shuteye.

Dear Diary,

I wish you could sing to me, to lull me off into a sound sleep! I know when I was a little girl, my mother used to sing "Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral (an Irish lullaby) and I would be off to the land of nod in seconds! “Sigh!" those were the days...

I guess I could just try reading for a while, as that is guaranteed to make me feel sleepy! I mean that’s why I gave up on reading. I got tired of nodding off when I was just getting to the good parts of the book!

I think there is something seriously wrong with me! I read somewhere that sleep deprivation can cause a lot of health issues, which I really don’t need in my life right now. I have so much to look forward to especially now I have found “the one”.

Dear Diary,

Did I mention he has a very sexy musky scent mixed with a subtle hint of motorcycle grease? Oh my! It really kinda drives my senses wild! Most guys my age smell like that godawful lynx, you know the one you can get at your local supermarket. I cringe at the very thought of dating someone who covers themselves in that “eu-deu-pong!”

I will have to borrow one of his t-shirts so I can snuggle up to his scent each and every night. Kind of like having a snuggle rug or security blanket. I definitely have to get my hands on one of those ASAP! And who knows, it may be just what the doctor ordered to help me fall asleep.

Dear Diary,

It is now 3:22 in the am. I am still very much wide awake and have little faith that I would get any sleep at all. Lucky for me it is Saturday or I would be in a whole heap of trouble! Especially if it were a work day, which it is not thank God! I did have plans to catch up with Marty B and my bestie Tracey for lunch. They make such a cute couple! Tracey really deserves a nice guy after the last one! Boy was he a real loser if ever I saw one!

Maybe if I put my sleep mask on. It might trick my brain into switching off. Stop looking at the clock. Stop looking at the clock!

Dear Diary,

I have no idea what the time is because I am refusing to look at my clock! I do know that it must be close to 5 am as my neighbour Rory Jones usually heads out for work at the local bakery in town. He is super nice! He always leaves a couple of freshly baked goodies on my front door step when he arrives home after his shift is done. No! It’s not like that! He is gay so he is not trying to hit on me or anything. He is just one of those really nice people full stop.

That reminds me, I must check on Old Mrs Somersby in number 10. She has been a little poorly of late and with her family living way out of town, she is pretty much all on her own. She does have a nurse stopping by once a day. But it is only for a short time as she is not considered too ill or incapable of living on her own. I admire that old bird.

Dear Diary,

As you know, I have not managed to sleep for hours on end. It is just not going to happen. I don’t even know if what I have been writing makes sense. I have absolutely no idea what time it is, and nor do I care at this point. I am hammered! And my brain is turning to mush so I can’t think straight anymore….

Head slumps forward and at last sleep is upon me zzzzzzz

P.s I must remember to cancel lunch with Marty and zzzzzzz