Saying Goodbye

    Melissa packed up her belongings.  She had lived in this house for five years.  Five years worth of memories.  Memories that were wonderful at the start.  She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.  Maybe if they had been merely mediocre, then the last year of increasingly bad memories would be easier to handle.  

    Things with James had started out like something out of a romcom.  Or like something from A Hundred and One Dalmatians.  Only instead of two dogs bringing their owners together, it was one.  Hers.  Her mutt of undetermined origin, Filly.  Filly had made a beeline for James and the three of them had gotten hopelessly entangled in her leash.  By the time they had extracted themselves, introductions had been made and a date had been planned.  Melissa was so charmed that James hadn’t been upset about Filly’s attack, that she began to fall for him right then.  And, James had always joked about Filly being a matchmaker.

    For the longest time, Melissa thought things couldn’t get any better.  A meet cute that grew into dating then marriage.  And James got along excellently with Filly.  But, that was the kind of person he was.  He got along quite well with everyone.  Sadly, it seemed the time came when Melissa wasn’t included in that list.

    She couldn’t remember when the first argument came or what it was about.  She wished she could.  If they could find where the problem originated, then maybe they could figure out a solution.  Even if it had been an affair.  It would have been terrible and devastating, but it would have been something concrete they could work through.  Marriages had been known to come back from affairs.  He could have promised never to stray and she could have forgiven him.  They could have worked to rebuild trust.

    But, coming back from little pinpricks of disagreement that grew into figurative blows was a harder thing. And the worst thing was, Melissa tried.  And she could tell that James tried as well.  If effort and desire for a good outcome was a guarantee of success, they would have come out of the situation triumphant.  That wasn’t the case, though.

    It was as if all the aspects they didn’t quite like or merely tolerated about each other gradually grew bigger until they overshadowed the parts that they loved. It got to the point where getting along with each other only came through deliberate effort.  One would call a cease fire and they would both let go of whatever problem was happening between them.  But, the need to call cease fires became more and more frequent.  

    Melissa remembered the last day they really talked.  There was no resentment, no fighting.  It was a calm conversation.  Tender, even.  It was the day they agreed to get a divorce.  That was the day she realized love didn’t conquer all.  Because there was love in their conversation.  Love that wanted the best for each other.  And along with that was the wisdom that they were no longer the best.  The kindest thing they could do for each other was to let the other one go.

    It turned out to be surprisingly easy, emotionally, to get the divorce.  Once they accepted it, there was no lingering feelings or need to hold on to what was no longer there between them.  It also made their interactions less stressful.  She wondered if part of the strife came because they were trying so hard to fix something that was unfixable.  Once they surrendered, it was easier to find peace with each other.

    After agreeing that a divorce was the only solution, there just remained the practical details to handle.  They  agreed that selling the house was the right thing.  It would help both of them make a fresh start.  And then, there was the matter of diving up their possessions.  Anything that was clearly his or hers were easy.  It was harder to say who should get anything that was theirs together.  But, they managed to work it out.

    This was her second trip back to the house that day.  She first came to let the moving company in to get the furniture to bring to her new apartment.  Now she was back to take care of the odds and ends.  She had a couple of boxes to put into her car.  She could have taken them with her when she had followed the van, but that would have meant that everything was done.  Her old life would be officially over and her new life would begin.  And it wasn’t that she hesitated to start that new life.  She knew it was right, and she knew it would be better for the both of them.  There were just some parts that she found hard to let go of. 

    Filly looked up at Melissa expectantly from her spot on the floor.  In all the years of escalating arguments, the one thing they both agreed on was their love for Filly.  They had never had children.  Never wanted any.  But, they lavished all their love and affection on the dog that brought them together.

    Now, Filly stood up and walked over to Melissa.  She moved a little slower, showing her age.  She gave Melissa a little nudge with her forehead, as if to say it was time to get moving.

    Melissa knelt down, hugging the dog and stroking her fur.  Everyone had said how well she was taking the break up.  She hadn’t cried.  She hadn’t felt the need to cry.  But, now, she buried her head in her dog’s coat and wet it with her tears.

    She stood up and made the phone call she was dreading.  The call to her ex husband, to tell him she was ready for him to pick up his dog.  Because over the years, it became increasingly clear that Filly’s heart belonged more to James than it did to her.  

    After Melissa hung up, she gave Filly another hug.  She had no idea that walking her dog five years ago would ultimately result in the end of two of her most important relationships.