The core of destruction

A sinister and corrupt desire kept pestering me, devouring my reason and determination as I gallivanted through the dark corridors of her inadequately illuminated dwelling, which contributed to the ambiance of utmost and perpetual gloom. Floriana, my fiancée, was absent from her residence for the previous ten days. I kept sulking about her home as she instructed me to see I ensure everything was in order until she returns. After her departure, I spent an hour parading in all my might around the residence, enjoying my fleeting freedom. Monotony struck very soon, and I did the one thing she instructed me not to do, in a moment of absolute despair. She would always tell me I was an unbalanced man, and even though she loved me with all her heart, she was anxious and hesitant to leave me alone in our delightful place. I would discard her allegations as untrue and preposterous. I was a grown man and was set on proving that she could entrust me with such a chore. One particular week, she informed me she had to go away on a journey to our vast kingdom's capital, and I started looking forward to the moment I could show myself in my best light. However, I have only confirmed she could not leave me out of her sight, even for a second. I had done the unspeakable. It would be for the best if I went before she returned home, I gathered, and I had then started to pack my belongings when the graveness of my crime kicked in even further. It would be for the best if I disappeared from the face of the earth, I reckoned, as Floriana would never forgive me for committing such a disastrous act, and against her explicit warning. Even a direct monition from her did not preserve me from my own stupidity. My conscience was consuming me up from the inside during these ten days. With an omnipresent tight knot in my stomach that was getting more extensive and more crushing, I attempted to conceive a solution to the predicament at hand, but to no avail. Could I cover up what I have done? I could not. I was terrified of her reaction, of her forsaking me, but most of all, I was fearful of her deeming me an incompetent man. She had a valid point, and I never earned to be in the presence of such an enlightened creature as she was. However, I contemplated the whole affair from various angles. It occurred to me she had been unfair for understanding what would pass and nonetheless leaving me here to rot and perpetrate this crime against humanity. She knew what would occur and planned to get rid of me altogether. My future bride was a bright woman, but I would outsmart her. Would I be able to get a handle on such a task? It would be challenging, but I would emerge as the victor from our little unconventional game of home alone. I was on the edge of sanity when the means to achieve my goal came to me in the form of a glorious vision.

On multiple occasions, Floriana called me overdramatic and melodramatic to the very core of my being. In her opinion, I would often overreact and did not think things through beforehand. I spent the remaining few days before her arrival trying to atone for my blunder by concealing it as tactfully as I could muster. Yet, her first words when she returned after she embraced me and admitted how much it broke her heart while we were separated were the following:

''Ben, haven't I forewarned you not to go into my office while I was away?''

I was dumbstruck, not quite comprehending how she could know, as she did not even enter the house but was standing by the entrance door. She raised her eyebrow, scrutinizing me, and I could experience the world go blank in front of my eyes. I must have fainted as I woke up in our bedroom, and it was already dark outside, for it was daylight when she returned home. I panicked and decided to locate her. She was sitting in her office on the worn crimson carpet in her white robe, cross-legged, with her face in her palms. I urged her not to sit on the floor, and she smirked. She was gawking, wide-eyed, at my crime. I could behold that I have not covered my deed up as perfect as I imagined. 

"What did you desire to demonstrate to me, Ben?" She interrogated me with a tragic sadness in her voice.

''You said I should not be left alone, and I wanted to prove you otherwise. Ultimately, I have verified you were right.''

"We cannot get wedded now'', she stated, ''as my work is demolished. I was supposed to sell this prototype to the King in three weeks, and now...'' she paused and sniffled, tears starting to roll down her rosy cheeks. At that moment, I was positive that guilt was going to eat me alive, for I disliked seeing my beloved fiancée so unhappy.

"I apologize. I merely desired to spin it. Can't you construct a new one?'' I asked, realizing how inconsiderate and tactless I now appeared. Even though I never understood what purpose it was supposed to have, this machine was her life's work. She glanced at me with an expression that signified I was now dead for her, and it chilled me to my bones. I have mistreated her by my sheer ignorance, and I did not merit to be pardoned. I dropped my gaze, apologized once more, and told her I would gather my belongings and leave the premises. On my way out, I once more passed by her office, and she was still there holding the sizeable green orb that was the center of her device in her hands, striving to fix it. She recognized I tried adhering it to the large crescent-shaped metallic coils with inferior glue and murmured something to herself in a gloom fashion. I could taste the disappointment in her voice. I decided to beg her for forgiveness on my knees if I ought to. 

''Floriana, my love'', I said, getting her attention for an instant, before she lowered her gaze anew, beginning to weep. She was inconsolable. ''Is there any way I can fix this?'' 

''Let me know when you find a way of developing this into a perfect sphere again'', she retorted, ''and without using an adhesive.'' 

As she pronounced these words, I knew there was nothing I could do to assist, as I did not comprehend what that device was. All I apprehended is I would have to go to the sheer depths of the ocean to obtain the green material it was made from again, which had been in her family for generations. I demolished her entire life and all that because I experienced the urge to rotate the globe. That was her whole life's work. I assured her I would fix my slip and fled her residence. 

I spent my entire life pursuing the enigmatic material and never obtained it or a way to patch up her instrument or our relationship. Floriana continued resenting me, deeming me a good for nothing, disappointed she had provided me with a chance. I tried apologizing to her copious times through letters and visits. I pleaded for her forgiveness innumerable times on my knees, declaring I would undertake anything to obtain her back, but that did not improve the circumstances. A few years after my careless disaster, I overheard she got wedded to a man from the imperial court, one of the King's closest advisors. It might have been her intention to get freed of me all along as I was determined to remain in an illusion. After the incident and having lost my Floriana, the sole woman who grasped me to the very core, I was guilt-stricken. My center was hollow and futile and could merely bring destruction and sorrow to others. I was unlike the device she was striving to construct, which was my counterpart, and that is why I despised it.