Love Under Wraps by Sheri McComb

I am so over the whole Coronavirus thing. I’m tired of masks, worrying about catching or spreading the virus, social distancing, and staring at the same four walls of my bedroom. I’m mostly tired of trying to take care of four children by myself. Cleaning up after children is like raking leaves in a windstorm; nearly impossible. I’m especially insulted that only “essential” workers are working, and apparently, I’m not one of them. Like being a mother isn’t essential. That’s a laugh. I’d like to see some of these childless people who are still working come to my house and be me for a day. 

           I am 42 years old, divorced (that’s a whole other story) and I have four lovely children. At least I think they’re lovely when they’re sleeping. I have a 17-year-old daughter named Alexis (we call her Alex), a 12-year-old daughter named Sophie, and a set of twin boys, Trevor and Turner, who are 9. We’ve been sort of on our own for the last five years ever since my husband Chad decided he wanted to marry his 26-year-old secretary, Rainbow. Yes, her name is Rainbow. I’ve rolled my eyes so many times at her name I’m surprised they’re not frozen that way. Oh, and Rainbow is pregnant. Maybe they’ll name their baby storm. It sure made our marriage stormy when Chad informed me that he’d found his soulmate and was marrying her. Never mind that she’s nearly half his age; he’s 48 and used to joke that by marrying me he was robbing the cradle. Now he’s married to a child. I have custody of the kids, but he has visitation, although with Covid, he was not seeing them at all right now. He was more afraid of his pregnant wife being exposed to the virus, than seeing his own children. (More eye rolling).  At least he paid his child support. I’d rather have the kids with me than him during this quarantine period, at least most of the time. Sometimes I fantasized about being home alone for weeks with no one to take care of. Usually I had these fantasies while I was cleaning up yet another mess made by the twin tornadoes. That was my nickname for the boys because they could destroy a tidy room in seconds.

           I have a career I enjoy as a designer. I work for several contractors who keep me quite busy and pay me well. I make as much money as Chad which probably had a little to do with him straying from our marriage. He wanted to be the money maker in the marriage, but with four children to pay for, it was a good thing I had my own financial stability. Since the pandemic started, I’ve been working sporadic hours from home while trying to juggle cooking, cleaning, and being a mommy to my four mess-makers. 

           Right before being quarantined at home, my sister Carrie had talked me into starting to date again. My kids were with their dad and I had the weekend ahead to regroup.

           “Come on, Trish,” she’d said. “It’s been five years! Get on that horse again.”

           I’d told her all horses do is smell bad and poop all over the place. She’d told me she was pretty sure I’d be able to find a man that didn’t poop all over. We’d had a good laugh about men smelling bad. She’d finally convinced me (after a bottle and a half of wine) to try a dating app. We decided on Match.com since Tinder was more for the younger set. It was pretty amusing trying to set up my profile.

           “Exhausted mother of four seeks man who cooks, cleans, and does laundry,” I’d started. “That sounds pretty good.”

           “Sexy mom seeking hot, rich, well-hung man,” she’d answered me laughing hysterically. “And if you find him, see if he has a brother,” she’d added. I punched her in the arm since she already had a hot husband with a good income. I wasn’t sure about the size of his man parts. That was TMI.

           “Hot to me is a guy who will help me with the housework. Otherwise, the well-hung part will be wasted because I’ll be asleep,” I said. 

           “Okay, let’s get serious,” she said firmly. “We’re going to find you a man.”

           We finally settled on: Single mom seeking mature guy who enjoys life and doesn’t take it too seriously. If you’re looking for a woman who will have dinner ready when you come home from work and cater to your every whim, let me know when you find her because I need a maid. JK I’m looking for a man to share work and play equally and who has a good sense of humor. Let’s get Covid tested together. 

           “It’s not too cheesy?” I asked Carrie. 

           “No, it’s cute,” she insisted. “Seriously, what have you got to lose?”

           Against my better judgement, I finished the ad and came to the part where I had to submit a picture. “I hate being judged on my looks,” I said. 

           “You’re beautiful, so you have nothing to worry about,” Carrie said. “Come on, let me take your picture.”

           “Fine,” I said. “Wait one minute, I’ll be right back.” I went into the bedroom and came out a few minutes later. “Okay, I’m ready.”

           “No,” Carrie said. “You can’t take the picture in that!”

           “Oh yes I can,” I said. “Just take it.” And she snapped my picture wearing my Covid-19 mask with little wine glasses all over it.  I hit submit and immediately wanted to take it back. My stomach was doing flip flops and I started to sweat. I closed my laptop firmly and said, “No more tonight. I’ll check it tomorrow.”

           The next morning all hell broke loose. Chad informed me he was dropping the kids off to me and wouldn’t be seeing them in person again until after the pandemic was under control. He said they could facetime every day and it would be just like he was with them. My boss had called and said I’d be working from home, and I’d rushed out to the grocery to stock up on important items such as toilet paper and hand sanitizer. The store was a madhouse with long lines and people with overfilled carts trying to check out. By the time I got home the kids were climbing out of their dad’s SUV and I forgot all about Match.com.

           Now we were a week into the “hunker down” status and Carrie was hounding me through texting to check my profile. 

           “When would I have time to date anyway?” I wrote back. “And how? It’s not like we can go out.” She’d insisted so I finally acquiesced. “I’ll let you know,” I told her, opening my laptop.

           When I looked up my profile, I couldn’t believe the number of messages in my mailbox. The first one I opened was a picture of a man old enough to be my father. Pass. The second one was hard to see and when I leaned in, I got a good close look at someone’s penis. I jerked my head back quickly and hit the pass button. What the hell is wrong with people? Out of the 17 messages, there were two more grey-haired grandpas, six more dick pics, and seven half-decent messages. I opened the first one to read: Looking for a Barbie to my Ken. Must love long walks, sex on the beach, . . . I hit pass on that one. I love sex on the beach, but the drink, not the activity. Next message: Hey lady, are you my soulmate? I automatically hit pass when I saw the word soulmate which I would forever associate with Chad. The next four messages contained invitations to sex, head-banging concerts (I bang my head enough with four children), and other activities that didn’t sound like they’d fit in my life. 

           One message left. I opened it tentatively: Negative-testing humble guy looking for negative-testing gal who is looking for virtual companionship that could turn into something real. If interested, let’s not get together and see where we end up. I looked at the picture and began to laugh. I saw a pair of laughing brown eyes under wavy brown hair on a man wearing a mask covered with little wine bottles all over it. I laughed and hit accept. It was a match made in Heaven. This man looked like fun.

           We decided to have a zoom chat that night. After dinner I quickly cleaned up the dishes with the help of all four kids. They all went off to their respective bedrooms when I told them I had a “meeting”. They were used to me working from home and respected it. I sat down at my computer nervously. I debated on what to do and decided I’d be less anxious if I wore the mask. I clicked on the link and waited a few moments and soon his face filled the screen. He too, was wearing his mask.

           I could tell he was smiling under the mask and I was grinning too.

           “You look just like your profile picture,” he said and we both laughed. 

           “Talk about a blind date,” I quipped. 

           His name was Derek and he was an engineer. I liked his soothing voice and we talked for an hour, telling each other all the things you do when you first meet. He had one son who was a freshman in college. When I told him about my four, he didn’t bat an eyelash and I would have noticed since his eyes were my focus with the mask and all. He told me he’d had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day for lunch during the pandemic.  I joked that I didn’t know what to make for dinner to top the steak and lobster I made every day for lunch. We decided we’d “meet” the following night at the same time.  We also decided to keep the masks on for the second “date”.

           The next day flew by with keeping the kids entertained while trying to maintain some semblance of order in the house. I played board games with the younger ones and listened to Alex talking about her friends and their woes of being cooped up. I scooted off to get dinner on the table and I looked around at my kids thinking how lucky I was to be blessed with this crew. 

           The kids helped me clean up the dishes (without complaining for once) then went off to enjoy their activities they enjoyed. I looked at the clock and realized I had all of ten minutes before my virtual date. I combed my hair, looking critically at some stray grey hairs, and fixed my eye makeup. I was saving a fortune on lipstick during the masked crusades.

           I logged on promptly at 6:00 and Derek was there too, both of us wearing our masks. A man who is punctual in comparison with my ex who didn’t seem to own a watch was a refreshing change. Before I knew it three hours had passed, during which we’d filled each other in on our divorces (his being an amicable one after marrying his childhood sweetheart and both of them deciding they had outgrown each other).  We talked about our families, jobs, and a plethora of other inane things. Derek had a wicked sense of humor which matched well with my sarcastic nature. The subject of gardening had come up and I joked that the only flowers I could maintain were plastic ones. Derek’s ex had been obsessed with growing vegetables and would spend hours on her garden, only to give everything she grew away. We found out we had a lot in common and the time passed quickly. We logged off around 9:00 deciding to have our third date the following evening, and unmasking our faces.

           The next day I was busy dealing with clients virtually and trying to do laundry in between. I enlisted the help of my kids and they all pitched in. We ordered pizza as a treat. After the kids went upstairs, I went to my room to fix my make-up and hair. I sat down at my computer, hoping that my face wouldn’t scare him off. I applied my “Cherry Kiss” lipstick and logged on the computer.

           Derek’s face popped into view and I took in the sight of him. He was very good looking and had a nice smile. I could tell he was studying me as well. 

           “You are just as pretty as I thought,” he said, smiling. 

           “I was thinking the same thing,” I said 

           “I haven’t been called pretty since . . . . well ever,” Derek said batting his eyelashes. 

           We laughed. “You know what I meant,” I said. We talked for almost three hours again and I found out a lot more about him. When all you have to do on a date is sit and talk you really get to know someone. Maybe this virtual dating thing would catch on. So many people who are out together are looking at their phones instead of each other.  

           “Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow?” Derek asked me. “My treat.”

           I looked at him quizzically. “We can’t, though.”

           “Trust me,” he said. “Be at your computer at 6:00. Wear your fanciest dress and don’t eat, okay?” 

           I agreed and as soon as we disconnected, I was anticipating tomorrow. 

           The next morning, I sat the kids down to tell them their mother was “dating” a man she’d met online. The twins immediately said, “Okay,” and asked to go to their room to play Sorry. After they ran off, Sophie had a very serious look on her face.

           “Mom, are you being careful? My Social Studies teacher says there are dangerous strangers on line.” Her worried face warmed my heart and I hugged her fiercely. 

           “I am as careful as they come. He’s a very nice man and we’re just talking, so I’m perfectly safe.” Then her text tone went off and she forgot about me and ran off to text her friend. 

           I looked at Alex. She was the one I was most worried about, since the divorce had hit her the hardest. She had a frown on her face and then started to giggle. 

           “Mom, it’s about time you started “going out” with someone,” she said. “I’m happy for you. Tell me about this guy so I can decide if he’s good enough for you.” I told her about him and then she told me about a boy she was talking to that she’d met in school. She went off to text her group chat about her “cool mom” meeting someone on a dating app. She promised to help me pick out a dress for my “dinner date”.

           That afternoon Alex and I looked through my closet. I tried on several outfits that Alex said made me look frumpy, short (I told her all he was going to see was my upper body, but she insisted), and slutty. The slutty comment made me laugh until tears ran down my cheeks. Then I pulled out a black glittery dress I’d worn to a cocktail party for clients. Alex thought it was perfect. I put it on and admired the fit. I did my hair in an updo and put on make-up and sparkly earrings. I felt a little silly to be getting dressed up to sit at my computer. At 6:00 I logged on to zoom and I saw Derek’s face at the same time my doorbell rang. 

           “I got it,” I heard Alex call. 

           “You look lovely,” Derek told me. He was wearing a fancy tux and looked so handsome. 

           Just then, Alex walked in the dining room where I was sitting. She was carrying flowers in one hand and a bag in the other. 

           “They have your name on them and said they were paid for,” she said setting them down and walking away. 

           “Open the bag,” Derek said. I looked in the bag and saw containers of food. I pulled them out and opened them. It was a steak and lobster dinner from an upscale restaurant in town. I looked at the flowers and burst out laughing. They were plastic. 

           “These are perfect!” I said, looking at Derek’s grinning face. 

           “Now we can have dinner together,” Derek said, opening a bag that matched mine. I looked at his sweet expression and decided “soulmate” might be in my vocabulary after all.