Saviors

My eyes flicker. My ears hear slurred voices, calling out my name. My body is still numb. But I never want to get up.

I get dragged up by arms wanting to assist me. Or, at least I think they are. My consciousness is still in a catatonic state. I never remembered what happened yesterday, or two days before, or the days behind. All I know is I never wanted help.

My wavy vision reflects more people flocking around. Their hubbubs mix to the lush sounds of the rainforest. There are busy sounds occupying my ears. I cannot perceive what they are saying, but they seem to be a mixture of shock and awe.

The people let me lie down to a comfy plane. I think it was a stretcher. They carry till they reach the ambulance. I can tell it is one once they quickly place an oxygen mask on my face. I can only inhale and exhale the limited particles.

My consciousness is fighting for control. I never wanted any help. I never wanted to be rushed to the hospital. And I never wanted attention from any person. They should have left me dying in the scowling rainforest.

DARK

My eyes flicker. This time, I can open them wide. I soon sense that I am recovering in the hospital. I could not believe it.

“Nolan, glad you are awake. How are you feeling?” a lady-like voice asks me. It is my nurse. I do want to show how I am in disbelief of my “rescue”. But my body still feels paralyzed. Yet my lips lightly move.

“Don’t worry, Nolan. We will get your body moving in no time.” She then moves to a concerned tone. “It really is shocking for the people to find you at that ditch. They were wondering how and why you get there. Glad they rescued you on time. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have known you were two days dehydrated and depleted of any food.” I keep hearing ore rhetorical questions from her as she examines my body’s progress. It gets me tedious thinking if she wanted me to answer them.

But I guess she assures me as she lightly cleans my body, “Hang on tight, Nolan. We’re just going to prepare you because you will have visitors today. You know them. They’re your closest friends. Exciting right?”

Not exciting.

The nurses gets rid of the used lunch tray and rearranges the life support slightly. It gets my head worried about seeing the faces of my friends once more. My dearest friends of the world. There is my best friend Kate. There is my sisterly figure Joyce. There is the playful Beatrice. There is also the thoughtful Rhonda. And finally there is my crush Lacy. I have other friends, but not as awesome as they are. But I feel too much shame showing my face to them.

Too late.

An hour after, the nurse opens the door. And there they enter excitedly.

"NJ!"

NJ. Nolan Jeann. My parents gave me that name to honor Norma Jean. I groaned asking why. But theg never flinched. They love me. Right now, they are at The Azores, enjoying retirement with volunteering.

"NJ!"

The girls enter the room with gifts and all.

"We are so worried sick about you!" Kate expresses with sincerity. She gives me a light hug.

"You wouldn't believe how much we long looking for you," Joyce adds, almost with dramatic flair.

"No joke, we really thought your dead or kidnapped by a cult or something," Beatrice replies. She always cooks up the craziest stuff out of her mouth.

Rhonda nudges her. "You're not helping." She then turns to me and assures, "We are so grateful we find you, and you are safe and sound. We've been really praying for your rescue."

Finally, the rather timid Lacy speaks up, "So, apart from the small gifts for you, we just want to share you this song. We've been listening to it all the time. And when we do, we always hope you may return. So, we are glad to see you, NJ."

Joyce brings out her guitar. And on her cue, the girls sing the classical hymn "It Is Well". It is a powerful song, but not as powerful as I hear it now.

All my thoughts circulate to one thing: "WHY WOULD THEY CARE RESCUING ME?" I chose a life of self-exile in the wilderness. It is not the practical life I need, nor even the wisest self-exile I did. But I learned to live in isolation. And I swallowed it up because I deserved to be isolated from my family, my peers and even my five closest friends.

The five take their time throughout their visiting hours to give me company. I, looking like a grizzled hobo, can just mindlessly watch them talk or play card games in front of me.

DARK

Two weeks after, the doctors helped me recover from numbness. They maintained my health and gauged my body's motor functions. I have not uttered a word yet to anyone. I can only do light gestures, but I sometimes chose not to communicate.

The doctor declares, "Okay NJ, you are ready to be released. Don't worry, we assure your parents you are doing fine. Your 'girl' friends will pick you up. Okay?" He then recommends me several medicines to take, treatments I never deserve.

DARK

Later on, Kate and Joyce pick me up. They have to drag me via wheelchair. It is kind of fun for them to briefly play around with me on the wheelchair. I never minded. I am still numb about my reason for rescue.

I feel relieved to go back to my damp apartment and lock myself inside. But no. I instead go to Rhonda's house where she, the two and Beatrice greet me with a housewarming part -- my first for one and a half years.

"Surprise, NJ!"

Beatrice disclaims, "Well, that's the first surprise. The others are not here yet. Then, 'big surprise'!" Indeed, the girls and the maintenance guy Darwin is there.

"Hey NJ!" he greets me just that way.

It has me bewildered that the only one who is not present is Lacy. Kate reminds me softly with a wink, "No worries, NJ. Lacy is on her way, and she has a surprise for you."

Soon, Kate, Joyce, Rhonda and Beatrice stand in front of me and give me words of gratitude. They are truly grateful for me being safe in front of me. Hate to think about it, but I heard it in inspirational movies before. And they are clichéd as ever.

But Kate has tears rolling from her eyes. "NJ, you don't how much we worried sick thinking about your whereabouts." I know. "You are just a one-of-a-kind friend."

"I try to guide us into being strong," Joyce adds. "And we were strong. And we try not to get overwhelmed with our worries."

"I'm not gonna lie," Beatrice jumps into the sympathy train. "You were just a funny guy that I never mind having around."

Rhonda then adds, "You are a faithful brother. And we are grateful that God had protected you all the time." She then places her hand on my shoulder.

I suddenly feel her comfort. But it is enough to make me break down. I cry uncontrollably in front of me. I wanted to be stoic. But no, I become vulnerable to their emotions.

Finally, I wail," I am sorry!" I keep saying that over and over. I never mind the tears.

The four just surround me with hugs. They know that I am a friend in dire need.

With that, no matter how guilty I am, I feel comfort with them. So much comfort that I admitted this, "I am sorry I left you all. I feel so guilty bearing this. But I had sex with a prostitute. And I regrettably loved it."

Right then, the girls become suddenly stunned. My devoted Christian friends are in disbelief on what they heard. Even Darwin is shocked too. And worse, Lacy showed up at that moment, stunned and wary holding a present.

There is no turning back at that housewarming party. I can only look at Lacy's ambiguous eyes of forgiveness.