The Life of Billy Spark

My stomach churned as I plodded home. Completing my final exam should have been a huge relief, but the worry of having not done enough was tearing me up inside. My head was heavy as I stepped in the door. Without a word, I trudged up to my room, closed the door behind me and dropped onto my bed.

I ignored the gentle tap on the door and didn’t look up when it slowly opened.

“You don’t need to worry, Son. You get the grades you need. Chance to relax and enjoy the summer.”

Fatherly words of calm, as always. Dad never seemed to worry about anything.

“If only, I messed up Computer Science, will have to re-take it and probably Physics too.”

I didn’t want to disappoint him, but his positivity just put more pressure on me.

“A seven for Computer Science and a seven for Physics, that’s good enough.” He said with self-assured pride in my ability.

“Dad. There’s no way I’m getting a seven for Computer Science. I’d be happy with a five, but I doubt I’ll even get that.”

He stroked his fingers down his chin. “I think you are ready.”

“I’m not ready for anything,” I mumbled.

“Nonsense. You’re a smart lad and mature enough for the truth. Give me a moment, I’ll get your life book.”

Great, that’s all I need. He’s laid out my life for me already. Hang me now.

“Take a seat, Son. This is a lot to take in.”

My father smiled. Well, that’s a pleasant change. He closed the door and leant casually against it as he held up a tanned leather-bound book with my name on the front. The life of… Billy Spark.

He opened the book and read from the first few pages to read my date of birth, my first words, and when I took my first baby steps.

My Dad hates being interrupted and given the day I’d been having, I simply sat back against my headboard and stared at the ceiling to listen to the re-counting of my life to date. My first day of pre-school, my first kiss in the playground with Lucy. He read out my SATs results, my first day at secondary school and the kid that tipped a drink in my crotch.

I sat bolt upright. “Hey! Who told you about that?”

Father ignored my reaction and continued. “June 5th was a big day. Walking through the park after school and diving into the bushes with Sara Preece.

“Dad! How did you find out about that?” This was getting weird.

He looked up and grinned. “Old news, Son. You won’t forget Lisa Marshall will you.”

My cheeks burned at the mention of Lisa. “Stop! How do you know all of this?”

Father smiled. “All foretold. It’s not a history book.”

“Foretold after the event. Impressive.” I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed my mobile.

“Just warming up. Here are your exam results.” He turned the book around and showed me my grades. Given my usual results, they were not unexpected apart from the Computer Science grade he’d already mentioned.

I grabbed at the book and got a quick glimpse before he jumped on top of me and wrestled it away. I expected the rest of the book to be blank, but it was full of print.

He was mad as he checked over the cover for any damage, “Idiot. This is your life, not some study guide.”

“What else has been written about me?” I protested as he stormed out of the room.

I followed him to his study to see the cabinet door key slip into his pocket. “Dad! What the heck is that book?”

He sat back in his swivel chair. “It was your Mom’s idea. When she knew she wasn’t going to make it. She wanted to know if you’d be okay. We’d gone to the park for a stroll with you in the pram. A fayre had turned up and rather than turning back as I suggested, your mom wanted to stroll through.

“The waltzer music was blaring out, but the smell of candy floss drew us in. I threw a few plastic darts trying to win a cuddly toy for you, but it wasn’t to be. She insisted I tried every game, but I still won nothing. We were about to leave the park when a beautiful brunette took an interest in you. I remember exactly what she said. ‘Billy Spark. Would your parents like to know about how your life will be?’

“I asked how she knew your name, but she didn’t answer. She held out her hand to direct us to her tent. It had a yellow sign with red script, ‘Learn your future and worry no more.’

“We followed her in and crossed her palm. Your Mom’s future was clear, she had three months. She wanted to know you’d be okay. What followed made us both spin. She didn’t say anything, she just murmured over a crystal ball and laid her hand on your forehead. Less than five minutes passed before she unfolded a silk cloth to reveal the leather-bound book with your name on it.

“Her closing words were that the book was for us and we shouldn’t show you. Everything so far has happened exactly as the book.”

He opened his hands wide. “What do you think?”

I took stock for a moment. Was this a blessing or a curse?

“Why have you shown me?” I asked as I glared at him.

He turned away and ran his fingers through his hair. Eventually he turned to face me. “You looked so down. I wanted to re-assure you. Stop you doing something you’d regret.”

“Why? What do I do?”

“Nothing. Stay in tonight though. Please.”

“Why?” I asked. “You’re telling me my life is already set.”

“You’re going to be fine, but tonight was a mistake you regretted.”

My head was ready to explode as I returned to my room and blasted out some indie rock. Did I want to read the book or burn it? I’d given up time with friends to study. I didn’t take the pills given to me at that party. Does anything matter now? The book was full. I have a full life regardless of what I do. How can that be?

I ventured downstairs as Dad was preparing tea. His heart looked heavy knowing he shouldn’t have shown me the book, but I ignored it.

“Will I regret something if I don’t go to the party tonight?”

The torment in his eyes told me he’d opened something he wouldn’t be able to close. “Someone at the party ends up in hospital.”

“Is it me?”

“Just stay home tonight. Please!” He pleaded.

Buddies I’d put on hold to study for the exams which I was going to pass anyway messaged me about the Freedom Party. How could I not go?

We spent the night talking and watching junk TV. He told me about how my Auntie Karen had spent a lot of time looking after me after Mom passed. He told me how it took him two years before he could look after me full time. His only solace was reading about my life and knowing I would be okay. Tonight’s the first time things went wrong for me. He told me about how some drugs had put me in a coma for three months. He told me I’d recover and lead a full happy life but couldn’t stand losing me for so long.

After sharing some beers until the early hours, we called it a night. When I got to my room, I remembered the pills which I’d not taken from the previous party. They were still in my jeans on the floor beside my bed. Inquisitively, I took them out, two white pills. My head spun. My life turns out well after taking these. What will happen if I don’t take them? It could be much worse. I unscrewed the bottle of water on my bedside cabinet and picked up a pill. My mobile rang. I answered it to hear a panicked Jake. “Billy! Don’t take the pills!”

“Does everyone have my book?” I asked.

“What are you on about? What book? Listen! Liam took some pills at the party and passed out. He’s not breathing.”

“He’ll be okay after a few months in a coma.”

“What are you talking about? You haven’t taken the pills, have you?”

“No. I didn’t take them. Not that stupid.”

Jake didn’t comment.

“Jake. Are you still at the party?” He didn’t reply. “Jake!”

“Liam’s dead.” Jake’s spaced out reply.

My body started shaking as a chill ran through me. I reached for my bottle of water but knocked it to the floor. As I grabbed some clothes to cover the spill, my Dad popped his head into my room.

“Why are you on the floor?” Dad said, putting his hand to his head. Despite the beers, his sharp focus returned. “What the heck is that?” He was staring at a pill on my bed.

“I’ve not taken any.” I blurted out.

“Should hope not. Don’t follow the path. Make your own.”

“But the book? It set my path.”

“Did it?” He charged back into the study and opened the cabinet. I was beside him as he opened the book. The pages after the exam results were blank.

He smiled at me. “Your future’s not set. Life’s what you make it.”