Who Is He

“Who Is He?”

I live a simple life; I would like to think. And I tend not to be a people person, which is why its hard to adapt to welcoming a stranger into your home. So, when it happened, it was a challenge to begin with. For the longest it was just me, and I was spiraling. I needed someone. And I let this person in. I met this person around 2012, when I was going through some of the worst time in my life. The first thing I noticed about him was he had the same tattoos as me. He had the same look in his eyes like me, someone that has been through a lot, but never opened to anyone. Although those quick similarity observations were there, there were very stark differences between us two, like night and day. We rarely seen eye to eye with each other, but both understood in order to live with each other, we would have to accept each other’s flaws. For instance, there would be days where I stay up all night watching tv, and days where he was in bed early. Its days I dread going to work, cannot even force myself to get up, meanwhile he has times where he gets up bright and early and is ecstatic to start the workday. I come home from work on occasion and like to either relax or go play basketball with my friends. While on the contrast, I see him come home, just look at his phone as people call and ignore it and just heavily drink. Sometimes I do not want to be bothered, I rather sit in the house and just think to myself. Sometimes he feels like he cannot sit in the house, like he must be on the move, so a random trip to Walmart or a friend’s house is what he does to pass time. I can go days without having a full meal, as my appetite is not there. Not him though, I have seen whole pizzas get devoured in record time. We cope with our problems differently as well. When difficulties arise, one needs a vice to get himself over, the other needs advice to get himself over. At times we both have relationship problems. I tend to dwell on it longer than I should, and he can just keep it moving like nothing ever happened. So, you see what I mean when I say its like night and day. Its two people that seem like they have nothing in common. And with me being in control, I had to find common ground so we could co-exist.

As I began to get to know him more and get used to him, I noticed he, like I, was an emotional person. He likes to act like things do not phase him and try to let whatever the issue is phase out. I talk to him and tell him, he cannot hold it in and let it consume him, but just like me, he is stubborn and will not take my advice. Neither of us communicate well, which is why its hard for us to really understand each other. I felt that if we understood each other better, it could be smooth sailing. But again, just like I, he does not really put 100% into trying to get to know people. Mainly because either of us trust people, let alone each other fully. Troubled past and bad experiences have led to this, and I see him on some nights just sitting there thinking about life and those experiences. There are times we are both in the same room, which is rare, and we solemnly console each other, using little to no words. And that is how we connect, with the fact that we both share similar moments in life that shaped us to who we are now. After we have those moments, there are stretches during our stay together where we are on the same page.

We become less strangers and more like friends. We can be in the same room at the same time. We begin to tolerate each other more and understand what makes the other tick. We gain common interest and dislikes. Every now and then we have our days where we are not cordial with each other, but the understanding of what is going on is there. We help each other get through tough spots. For example, if I am having a rough day, instead of just moping and shutting down, he lets me know tomorrow is another day and vice versa. On the flipside, there are stretches where we do not see each other for a while, as one of us leave the house for a few days, leaving the other behind. While doing so, He or I are 100% sure that the other will be fine alone. We still have our problems from time to time, trying to adjust to one another. I can have my opinion on how to handle a situation, and he would tell me his side of it and its usually the opposite of mine. That is when conflict arises, because either of us want to be wrong. And usually, the situation does not get handled correctly. Blame goes around and no one wants to take accountability. But you cannot expect one to hold themselves accountability when one is still stuck in their old ways. After some time, both of us realize the error in our ways, and we attempt to get back on track. At this point we need each other to make it through life. Its balance. Before I accepted this former stranger into my house and life, balance did not exist, on either of our parts. As hard as it was for him to come to grips with the fact that he needed me, it was the same for me.  

Fast forward to today, he and I are very close. Closer than one would expect. I mean we basically eat the same, dress the same, have same interest in hobbies and women. We both have accepted one another fully and use what we learn from each other to get through everyday life. I think back to all the beginning days where we both would sit in the room in silence, or better yet not even be able to be in the same room together. All the time wasted instead of getting to know this person, which could have expedited my progress. None of those matters at this point, as everything turned out for the best. If I only did one thing right, it was letting this stranger in. So, you may ask, who is this person? The stranger was me all along. I did not know who I was up until a few years ago until I accepted myself and realized that I was a stranger to my own self.