The One Without an Ending

1^st Jan 2027

It’s New Years Day. New Year… not so new me. I’m still stuck in this hospital with this same old boring, debilitating disease. To be fair I haven’t been in the hospital too long, especially compared to some people but that’s besides the point. I’m young and in my prime, I should be off partying in Ibiza and spending nights on the beach with my friends. But I’m not, because I can’t. And don’t get me wrong, I get it. I get why they have to lock me up in my room like I’m some sort of animal, I get that I can’t open the window fully to make sure I won’t climb out, I haven’t tried yet though, maybe I could fit. I just don’t get how it’s fair. One of the nurses thought it would be a good idea to document my year so here it is.

21^st Jan 2027

I tried to climb out of the window… I managed to get my legs through but my hips wouldn’t budge, I had to scream to summon one of the nurses who turned up in a hazmat suit who had to yank me free and then started shouting at me. Honestly, I didn’t listen to a lot of the stuff she said, it’s too funny when you can’t see any of their features except for their eyes and they’re just one big yellow blob. It was really difficult not to smirk.

31^st Jan 2027

I’ve started crocheting, I really like it.

18^th Feb 2027

Crocheting has taken over my life but I’ve run out of wool, I ordered some more but it will take ages to arrive in the current situation. Feeling a bit down, my best friend died two years ago today when the disease first spread. You don’t see any symptoms at first but then after a while it gets really bad, like deathly bad. There’s no treatment, yet and no way of stopping the spread. Oh, and the human body can’t fight it. 

It would be so cool if this was used in the future for history classes or something so people can learn about the dendemic (pandemic didn’t describe it well enough according to the government). Maybe no one will be able to read this in history class, it’s a possibility, nearly half the population are gone. I’ve read way too many dystopian series so I’m really hoping I end up in a giant maze with a bunch of hot boys. I wish I could be in the Maze Runner, it’s a really old book but I really like it. Maybe I should write my own book, my own escape.

11^th Mar 2027

I forgot I started writing this, been busy drafting a story, I think I’m getting somewhere.

For lunch I had a cucumber sandwich, it wasn’t like the ones Mum used to make for me.

3^rd May 2027

It’s weird but I sort of miss school, it was something to do and you got to see your friends every day. Now I don’t have anything to do, at least school occupied me. Maybe I could learn a new language.

Found an app called Duolingo, will try to learn Norwegian.

5^th May 2027

Have failed to learn Norwegian, I’m sticking with English and going back to writing my book.

27^th May 2027

Just found out someone tried to get out today, I don’t understand why someone would do that. I know I did the window thing but that was just for fun… I was bored. It’s just selfish, the nurses are already putting themselves in danger to help us. One of the nurses is actually really nice, we’ve been making friends through the window, her favourite cake is carrot apparently. I said I didn’t like cake to seem healthy but I LOVE cake, chocolate is my favourite of all time. I haven’t had cake in what seems like a millennia. I told her I liked biscuits.

10^th Jun 2027

It’s my birthday… Woo! Haha, not really, it’s just a reminder of how long I’ve been here. We’re meant to get a cupcake on our birthday with a candle in it (exciting I know) so I’m just waiting for that.

It’s later now and I’ve got my “cupcake”, well it’s not a cupcake because apparently the nurse that I told I didn’t like cake checked my birthday and went and told catering. I told her I liked biscuits so now I have a plate of two Garibaldis with a side of a candle because they couldn’t put it in the biscuit.

What a sad life I lead. 

I always say that but then my mum tells me to look on the bright side and thank God that I’m not in a middle of a war. No one really believes in God anymore, if he did exist why would he be doing this. If you’re there and you can hear me, God, I’d like to say that if you wanted a culling you’ve had it, it’s okay now, you can stop. Now that the world’s in turmoil can the country please be separated into districts where I end up in a love triangle with two equally charming boys. Please (you haven’t been very nice to me so far so please).

P.S.     PLEASE

5^th Sep 2027

I’ve started not feeling well, it could be medication but I don’t think it is, none of the medication ever does anything and I’ve been on this for nearly a month now. I think the disease is starting to take its toll. They still don’t know what to call it, after COVID so many other diseases and variants came along that they couldn’t come up with enough names. Now there’s too many variants to even know what I have, they’re not any closer to coming up with a cure for any of them either. 

Still haven’t been thrown into a maze.

23^rd Oct 2027

My boyfriend’s birthday is today, I miss him. A lot. We used to FaceTime all the time but we can’t anymore, he’s always busy. I understand. I haven’t gotten any better, just a lot worse. Can’t be bothered to write much more, I basically have to stay in bed all day, not much else to say. I’m over halfway done with my book, I’m so meticulous about it, maybe it’ll get published one day.

31^st Dec 2027

I used to imagine how I would die. In my mind I saw an old woman lying on a bed surrounded by loved ones silently weeping as they hold my hand. The reality is sinister, instead of people crying I can only hear the beep of the machines that are helping me hold on to life. Instead of looking into the face of my husband, I stare outside the hospital window into the grey sky where the pigeons glide. 

I’m seventeen and life isn’t fair, God didn’t come and help me, no one did.

I’m seventeen and at death’s door. I don’t think I’ll finish the book, I have one more chapter left to write. Maybe it’s better that way, with no ending. It’s fitting as I haven’t really had an ending, not a proper one anyway.