Different Directions

It had been over a week since I talked to Becca. It was weird, typically we'd usually talk a lot more, even every day sometimes. I decided to call her.  

"Lila! How are you?" I could hear the smile in her voice.  

"Hey, Becca! I'm good, how about you?" I asked. 

"Good, just been so busy. Trying to figure out all this college stuff and with finals coming up.... Plus, my parents want me to keep going to all these stupid extra curricular things so it looks good on my applications. But I’m good. How are you?"  

"I'm good, just living life as usual. Wanted to see how you were and if you wanted to hang out?” I said.  

“Yeah definitely! I’m busy tonight with choir practice and I still have some homework to finish, um, but I’m free Friday night. That's tomorrow right?”  

"Yeah, that’s tomorrow” I laughed. "Cool, sounds good. You can stay over if you want. I'll see if my mom will buy us pizza. Maybe even a little something special like last time?" 

"I dunno... maybe. Pizza for sure but not sure about the other stuff. Maybe like, a wine cooler, we'll see." Last time we drank Becca got really drunk and I think she got in trouble with her parents or something. She didn't want to talk about it when I asked.  

"Oh okay cool.” I said. "See you soon!"

We said goodbye and hung up. I stared at the homework I hadn't planned on doing. It was only worth a few points, maybe I'd quickly do it in the morning. 

I headed to the kitchen for a snack and my older brother, Lance, was there, doing the same.  

"Hey," I said.  

"Hey." He replied. "Want some pizza rolls?"  

"You know it."  

He poured some onto a paper plate and threw them in the microwave.  

We ate our pizza rolls in front of the TV. Lance grabbed a beer and offered me one. I accepted. We played video games and drank more beer until Mom came home.     

The next day my alarm came too soon and I dragged myself out of bed. I quickly got ready and attempted to fill out a little bit of my homework with generic answers.  

School came and went. I saw Becca at lunch and we confirmed plans. We were both excited. I missed my best friend.  

I ordered some pizza before Becca arrived. Mom and Lance were both at work and got off later.  

"I ordered your favorite pizza. “I said when she arrived. “Remember when we were kids and the first time you showed me Hawaiian pizza? I thought it was so disgusting that someone would put fruit on a pizza and then pointed out that tomato was a fruit." 

"Yep, and you had no excuse not to try it. And now you love it." She laughed. 

"Good times," I said.  

"Yep, I'm sure going to miss them." She said.  

"What do you mean?" I asked. "You don't think we'll hang out anymore once this school year is over?" 

Becca's facial expression changed. "It's not that, but realistically, if I go to school in another state then we aren't going to be able to hang out as much." 

She was right and for some reason that hadn't clicked in my mind until that moment.  

"Oh, um, yeah... I hadn't really thought much about it." I admitted.  

"I guess since my whole life is college prep right now, I can't stop thinking about it." She said. "Like, my whole life is about to change. Both of our lives are about to change. I'm excited but also nervous." 

"You don't have anything to be nervous about," I said. "You've got so much going for you. Schools want you; you have good grades; you're gonna be just fine. Unlike me, what do I have?"  

"What are you talking about? You have so much going for you! You can do anything you want to do." 

"Not really," I replied. "Sure, I could apply for the same schools as you but I wouldn't get in. My grades suck. And even if I did get in I don't have the money to pay for it. Plus, my mom doesn’t even really care what I do." 

"Your mom cares. She loves you.” 

"I know she loves me, but she doesn't care about my future, not like your parents. They push you and support you and make sure you have all these opportunities. My mom buys me beer." 

I heard the door open and shut. Keys were thrown on the coffee table and Lance walked into the living room where we were sitting.  

"Well hello Becca. Long time no see! Where have you been?" He walked over to her and hugged her.  

"I know right. I've missed you guys." She stood up and hugged him back. 

"I ordered pizza" I said.  

"Cool, I'll eat some of Becca's Hawaiian," He teased. "I'm gonna change and then run out to the store and grab some beer. You guys want anything?"  

"You paying?" I joked.  

"Well, since you bought pizza I got you. But only if it's something I like." 

"Maybe a bottle of Captain or Crown?" I suggested. Those were my typical weekend favorites. "Oh Becca, what flavor wine coolers do you want?" 

She hesitated and then said, "It doesn't matter. Something with strawberry maybe." 

"Cool, I got you. I'll be back in a bit." He headed up to his room.  

"I hope you don't mind drinking tonight. We don't have to get drunk or anything." I said. 

"It's fine. I just, have so much to do... and drinking is fun but I always feel so terrible afterwards. And I have to help with something at church tomorrow afternoon so yeah, I can't overdo it." 

"Okay cool," I said. "Wine coolers are chill, just have one or two of those and you'll be fine." 

We continued to chat as we waited for the food and beer to arrive. The pizza came before Lance even left the house. He grabbed a slice on his way out the door to get the beer.  

We ate and then I asked Becca what she wanted to do.  

"I don't know. I'm having fun just talking." She said.  

Shortly after, Lance returned with the booze. He had a 30 pack of beer, a 12 pack of wine coolers and the big bottle of Captain.  

"Let's get this party started!" He said. "Jim, Will and Pedro are on their way over. They pitched in so I was able to get you girls a big pack." 

"Thanks!" I said to my brother. 

"Yeah, thanks." Becca said.  

"You don't have to drink if you don't want to.” I turned to Becca. “Although, I think it might help you to loosen up a bit, you know?" 

"Yeah, sure." She said.  

The guys arrived and we decided to play a drinking game. Becca took little sips of her drink. I was finishing my second wine cooler while she was half way through her first. Most of the guys were on their 3rd beer at least.  

"Becca, stop babysitting!" Jim said. 

"Babysitting?" She looked confused. 

"Yeah, your drink!" He laughed. "Come on, chug it!" 

She smiled politely. "I like to enjoy my drinks." 

"You'll enjoy it more once you feel it!" Pedro said. "Let's take a shot!" 

Pedro grabbed 6 shot classes and filled them all up. Becca tried to say that she just wanted a little one but Pedro ignored her. He handed them out and held up his glass. Everyone grabbed their glass and held them up as well. 

"To a great night and great friends!" We clanked glasses and knocked back the shots. Everyone made a face due to the harsh taste of the warm alcohol. I looked over at Becca and she had taken only half her shot. I grabbed her glass quickly and slammed it before the boys noticed. She looked at me and smiled slightly. 

The game continued and the boys were clearly enjoying their buzz. I was getting there, especially since I was drinking more to make up for Becca. Maybe it was a silly strategy, I thought as I went to the bathroom for the 3rd time that night.  

The boys all decided they wanted to smoke a joint so they went out to the back yard. I instinctively headed to join them, but noticed Becca hadn't left the couch.  

"You coming?" I asked her.  

"I can't. What if I get drug tested?" 

"Colleges drug test?" I asked.  

"Well, I dunno, but jobs do. I have to get a job eventually." 

"It will be out of your system in a month." I laughed. "Probably less since I know you won't smoke much. Come on." 

"It's okay. I'm good." She said.  

"It will be fun! You need to relax and let loose." I said. 

"No thank you." She said, firmly this time.

"Okay." I replied as I walked to the back yard and joined the guys.

I decided I would just take a few hits. It didn't seem like Becca was having a good time. She was never big on partying but she usually seemed like she was having a fun when she did join me. I guess it had been a while since then.

I took a few hits and then headed back inside to join Becca on the couch, but she wasn't there.

I figured she must be in the bathroom. A few minutes passed and I finished my drink so I went to get another. I decided to detour for the bathroom first, expecting Becca to be in there, but when I got there no one was using it. I quickly relieved myself again. Then I checked my phone any messages. Nothing. So I called her.

"Hello?" She answered. 

"Hi, where did you go?" I asked.  

"I'm home. I wasn't, comfortable. I can't be places with drugs and alcohol. What if the police showed up and I got arrested?" 

"Dude, you're being paranoid. We weren't being loud or anything so no one was going to call the cops." 

"I dunno, probably not but I can't risk it. I can't get in trouble." 

"Seriously dude, come back. We don't have to drink anymore. We can just hang out in my room."  

"I can't." Becca said. "I'm already home. Plus, you're pretty drunk. And now high. It was fun but I have things to do tomorrow." 

"I'm not that drunk or high. I made sure to keep things controlled so I could hang out with you. Normally I would have been taking shot after shot with those guys."  

"I love you," Becca said, "and I really miss how things used to be. Everything has changed. I've changed. You've changed. We aren't kids anymore." 

"Yes, even more reason to enjoy life!" I pleaded. "We aren't going to have many more chances to hang out." 

“I know and I’m sorry. I honestly don’t even have time to hang out now. I mean, I've just got so much going on. I need to study. I've got an essay to write. I have to volunteer tomorrow. I'm tired. I just want to relax." 

"We were relaxing! I don't get it!" 

"No, you don't get it. And I don't get you. No one's right or wrong or anything, we've just grown... in different directions. We are still friends and I hope we will always be friends, but your life and my life are just, different. Everything is changing." 

"Wow.... so you don't even want to try huh?" 

"It's not like that. I just, can we talk later when you're sober?" She asked. 

"Being sober has nothing to do with it. I understand everything that is going on and I understand that you don't want to hang out anymore because we are too different as you say. Basically, you're just gonna go off to college and have your perfect life and I'm just not good enough for that. I'm the loser who drinks and smokes and has a deadbeat dad and a mom who's never home. You're just so much better than me, huh?" 

"Lila! Not at all. That is not what I'm saying! I just don't want to be around drugs and alcohol. I have too much to lose!"  

"You're concerned about losing everything except for my friendship huh? Whatever. Goodnight." I hung up the phone and headed back downstairs to pour a round of shots. 

"Where did your friend go?" Jim asked. 

"She left." I said and took the shot. I chased it with the wine cooler. 

"You pissed her off huh?" Pedro laughed.  

I didn't reply.  

"Things have been a little weird with you two lately?" Lance said.  

"Yeah," I replied. "I don't want to talk about it." I said as I poured another round. The guys and I clanked glasses and downed our shots.  

The next morning my head pounded, my mouth was dry and my body ached.  

I went downstairs for some water and my mom was there, cleaning up the mess from last night.  

"Hey Mom" 

"Well hello there. Looks like you guys had fun last night." 

"Yeah, it was okay. Sorry about the mess." I said.  

"It's okay. You can help clean up while I make some breakfast." 

I started cleaning up the mess while mom started cooking.  

"Mom," I started. "I think Becca broke up with me." 

She paused. "Since when were you two dating?" 

"No mom! I'm not a lesbian." 

" I didn't think so. I was gonna say all those sleepovers you two had make sense now." She smiled at her bad joke. 

I ignored her joke. "Anyway, she came over last night and then she left and we got in a fight. It's stupid. She said we're too different, we don't understand each other anymore." 

Mom put down the spatula and turned to look at me. "Honey, one of the hardest parts of growing up is growing apart. It's not even that you don't care about each other anymore, it's just your lives are going in different directions." 

"And Becca's life is going to be so much better than mine, right? She's gonna go to some fancy school and get a job making a ton of money and meet hot college guys. I'm just gonna be stuck here. What do I get?" 

"Well what do you want?” Mom asked. “You can go to a fancy school too. And you already hang out with hot college guys."  

"Lance's friends are not hot college guys." 

"I’ve seen a couple cuties..." 

"Mom!" 

"All I'm saying is you can do whatever you want to do. I didn't think you wanted to go to college right away. You said you wanted to take some time off and get a job." She continued cooking.  

I took a moment to think. She was right, I had told her plenty of times that I didn't want to go to college. Maybe that's why she didn't push the subject?  

"I'm not sure what I want anymore." I said. 

"That's to be expected." Mom replied. "These years are for figuring out what you're good at and what you like to do. College is a great way to figure those things out but it's not the only way."  

She put some pancakes on the table. I grabbed one, poured some syrup on it and ate it even though syrup dripped on my hands.  

"Becca is different," she continued. "but it's not a bad thing. She wants to go to medical school and has been working hard for a really long time to do so. You could do the same but you are more of a free spirit. You don't like school and rules, she does." 

I took another bite. Mom was right, I hated to admit it. 

"I guess" I said.  

Mom put bacon on the table, fruit and some eggs. Then she poured herself a cup of coffee.  

Lance stumbled done the stairs a few moments later, “Do I smell bacon?” 

On Monday morning I saw Becca in the hall before classes started for the day. 

"Hey," I approached her.  

"Hey!" She said. "I hope you're not mad at me." 

"No," I said honestly "Just kinda sad. You're right, everything is changing including us. We won't be in high school forever. Next year, all this will be gone." 

"I know, it's crazy. Are you excited or nervous?" Becca asked.  

"A little of both. You?" 

"Same." She replied.  

"See we still have stuff in common." I laughed.  

"Yeah, I know," she laughed too.  

The bell rang.  

"I gotta go.” Becca said. "Mrs. Yerba goes crazy when people are late. Gotta love AP classes." 

"I know you do" I laughed at her. She smiled.  

We hugged. Then she hurried towards her class as I casually headed in the opposite direction towards mine.