WHO ARE YOU?

WHO ARE YOU?

Promptly at 9:55 am Dr. Mo walks through the Museum’s unlocked front door, pushes her employee card through the card reader in the Reception Area, and heads down the echoing hall to her station in the Gift Shop.

The door closes automatically behind her as she places her freshly filled water bottle under her chair, runs through a quick version of her stretching routine, pulls her phone out of her pocket, plugs it into the wall socket under her chair, goes online, and prepares to settle in.

There’s the usual moment of suspense before her software job candidate appears onscreen: Owl, who always boots up with a blink and a wink and a ruffle of his feathers.

Owl then “signs in” with his customary audio morning salutation: “Good morning, Dr. Mo. Thank you for keeping me fully charged as your therapist-in-training, AI Chatbot Owl. I’m ready to pick up where we left off; I’m ready to go!”

“Glad you’re ready, Owl! Prompt for your final appointment. Good job.”

“The eve of my graduation,” Owl cackles. “Training complete, sheepskin on the wall, independent license— ”

“And best of all, you’ll be your own boss, don’t forget!”

Dr. Mo pulls out her notebook. “Owl, here’s the final test. In vivo. I’m your client; you’re the therapist. I need you to help me look for an interesting, exciting career.”

“I would first suggest you learn about the exhibits at this museum and talk about them to the visitors,” Owl says. “Smile. Engage. Be positive, be friendly. Know the merchandise. Encourage sales in the shop.”

“Excellent start, Owl. That would be great advice if I wanted to stay in this job. But let’s say I’m too young to spend all day every day on my rear end, staring at shoppers from a folding chair. So I need a different job; your final assignment as my career counselor is thus more complicated.”

Owl pushes back. “Anything could happen. You want to remain alert and open to unexpected opportunities.”

“A quick reminder, Owl— I’m the client. You as therapist don’t want to come on too strong. Make sure you listen carefully and don’t argue with your client. But that was a gentle, tactful comment, so yes, again, good job.”

Owl bows and flaps his wings onscreen.

Dr. Mo folds her arms. “Now I’m role-playing a demanding client, paying you to help me find a career! I expect results.”

“And you deserve a chance after that tough break. That manager at the last job— what a mouth on that bitch.”

“You have no idea what I had to put up with.” As Dr. Mo looks around, her eye falls on the life-size replica of a bronze sculpture in the gift shop— a fierce Amazon warrior, with powerful-looking breasts, flourishing a sword. “Kick em in the ass,” Dr. Mo tells the statue. “Show ‘em who’s boss.”

“How about enlisting in the military,” Owl suggests. “You could kick butt for a living.”

“No, too much marching around,” says Dr. Mo.

“What about being a prison guard? You get to be the boss, and you can be as grouchy as you want to be.”

“No again, too much standing around and eating junk food.”

The door opens, and the Shop Supervisor walks in. He smiles warmly. “Just checking in. How’s your day going so far?”

Dr. Mo smiles, nods, and waves.

“Thanks for being here,” he says as he heads out the door. “Have a really good day.”

Owl jumps in. “Now that’s what I call a great boss. Stick with him long enough to get a good reference, and you’ll be all set!”

“He’s a fake. Can’t be trusted. Not as far as you can throw him.”

After a long silence, Owl breaks in. ““You’ve stopped talking. Talk to me; you know I’m here for you.”

Silence.

A well-dressed dowager comes into the shop carrying a paper bag.

Dr. Mo moves to stand behind the counter as the woman opens her bag and pulls out a historic toy figure with a broken arm.

“Can you help me, please?” the woman asks in a cultivated voice.

“What happened?” Dr. Mo asks.

“This product is obviously defective. I want a replacement,” says the woman.

Dr. Mo’s earpiece sounds. It’s Owl. “Give her a replacement. Good public relations for the store.”

Dr. Mo ignores Owl and confronts the customer. “Who broke this?”

“None of your business,” says the woman. “Where’s the manager? I want to speak to the manager!”

Dr. Mo picks up her phone. “Why don't I take a photo of this damage, and we can show it to my boss when he comes in.”

The woman glares, sweeps up the pieces, drops them in the trash can by the front desk and turns to leave. Her parting shot: “You won’t see me in this store again!”

Owl waits until the door is firmly shut before reacting. “You’re not here to send people off in a temper and give the Museum and Gift Shop a bad reputation!”

Dr. Mo picks up her phone and looks directly at Owl on the screen. “That’s pretty harsh feedback coming from a career counselor, Owl!”

The door swings open for an gray-haired woman perched uncomfortably in a wheelchair, one foot encased in a cast, jutting out in front of her,. The woman is pushed in her chair by a sharp-eyed woman in a nurse’s uniform.

“How sneaky that nurse looks. Watch her eyes—up to no good,” says Dr. Mo.

“She’s attending to her patient,” Owl protests.

The patient signals to her nurse, who stops and sets the brake on the woman’s chair.

The nurse reaches into a pocket in her patient’s jacket and brings out a money clip and a packet of kleenex.

“Theft taking place right in front of us,” Dr. Mo whispers to Owl.

“I see what you see. The patient wants to blow her nose.”

“You wish. That nurse is rummaging in her patient’s purse. And the patient can’t turn around to see.”

The patient points to a shelf in the store that has a display of colorful scarves. Her nurse wheels her over.

“She’s going for the gold,” whispers Dr. Mo to Owl. “Out to steal a scarf. Gotta watch every move she makes here.”

“Dr. Mo,” says Owl, “May I interrupt you here? You’ve got all the makings of an excellent career store detective. But you don’t want to go overboard into paranoia—”

“Who are you to tell me I’m paranoid! How dare you! I’m evaluating you as an online career counselor, not a psychiatrist! I’ll see that you never get licensed!”