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Funny

           There are many scary times of the year, like July 4th because of loud banging in the sky, thunder storms, because of the static electricity, but this is the night where I stay busy. See, I'm a guard dog. Mommy and Daddy keep telling me I'm not a guard dog, but this night of the year is my busiest. See, every time the door bell rings, I tell Mommy and Daddy someone's at the door by barking at them and showing the person at the door, they're not welcome. This is our home and I'm going to protect Mommy and Daddy, even if I am just a chihuahua. But, as someone once said, “'It isn't the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog'” and I still have a lot of fight in me. 

*

           The doorbell rings, the front lights are on, I speed to the front door growling and barking ready to attack, but Mommy picks me up in her arms. I still growl at the door. Then, Daddy opens the door with a smile and a small creature which looks like a huge bee, a little person in a costume that looks like me, a girl in a pink tutu, and a normal looking man stand on our porch and say something weird: “Trick or treat”. Then, Daddy puts food in small wrappers in bags each of the beings has and the creatures and the normal human being walk away. Mommy puts me down and says she'll give me a treat later. I'm going to be rewarded for protecting Mommy and Daddy.

           So, the doorbell rings again, and again I growl and bark at the door to let these strangers know they're not welcome here and I'm ready to protect our abode no matter what. But, this time, Daddy takes me in his arms and Mommy answers the door and then there's a huge butterfly, a small giraffe, and a small donkey at the door. They all say, “Trick or Treat” while I'm barking to protect our home and Mommy puts wrapped treats into each of their bags again. I wonder why all these creatures have bags. 

           Then, something strange happens. Mommy and Daddy start whispering to each other and Mommy decides to put one of my treats in the laundry room and I'm chomping down on the treat and then Mommy closes the door. I look around to see if there's another exit from this door but don't see any. Then, the doorbell rings and I'm barking and growling and trying to do my job, but I can't get out of this laundry room. The bell rings several times after this and I do my job barking and growling every time, but nobody pays attention.

           I smell around. Mommy and Daddy's dirty laundry is around and they left the light on. I like the smell of Mommy and Daddy. I hear the doorbell ring several times and every time I bark and growl and even charge at the laundry door, but it won't open. Then, after a few hours, the doorbell stops ringing and I hear Mommy and Daddy talking but I don't know what their saying. I'm excited though, since Mommy said once the kids were done getting their treats, I would get another treat. 

           Then, though, I hear the sound of a toilet flushing. Then, I hear the faucet upstairs being turned on and off. For a bit, I don't hear anything. Then, I hear the sound of Mommy and Daddy snoring. Wait, but if their snoring that means . .. . they forgot about me. I still have to be walked, I need to be played with, I need my evening meal. So, I do what any sane dog would do in this situation and whine and make noise to wake them up so they'll come and get me. I do this for about five minutes and then stop. I still hear snoring. So, even though I know it's wrong, I have to go potty in the laundry room. I know I'll be yelled at for it tomorrow, but Mommy and Daddy should've walked me. Then, I curl up into a ball on Daddy's laundry and try to fall asleep. My tummy's growling and I wish I could get my dog food. Or better yet, some human food. But, I have to curl up and try to get myself asleep. It sure is lonely without Mommy and Daddy sleeping with me. But, somehow, I'm able to fall asleep.

*

           When I get up, the laundry light's still on so I'm not sure if it's morning or evening. I don't have to go outside, but see the accident I caused. Mommy and Daddy're going to be pissed. Then, I hear one of their alarm clocks: “meep, meep, meep,” and then I hear my name, “Pegasus. Come here, boy,” so I start to whimper and whine again. Then, Mommy says, “Where are you Peggy? Come here boy.” I hear footprints then I hear Mommy say, “Oh, shit. I left him in the laundry room” and she comes to fetch me. When she opens the door I wag my tail and jump on her. She says, “I'm sorry, Pegasus. We just forgot with everything going on.” There's a joke that's sexist which says, “If you ever wonder who loves you more, your wife or your dog, lock each of them in your trunk for an hour and see which one's glad to see you when you open the trunk”. Mommy did see the mess I made but understood it wasn't malicious. She took me for a walk, cleaned up my mess, and gave me two treats.  Sometimes I make mistakes and sometimes even Mommy and Daddys make mistakes. But, I remember what life was like in the kennel before they picked me up. Halloween is always a busy night because I have to work extra hard to protect the abode from strangers, but this was the Halloween where I was the bravest. 

           Dogs originally followed men and women because dogs provided protection for people and people gave dogs their scraps of food. Men were hunters/gatherers at this point. Then, when men/women became civilized, men/women became lonely and brought their friends inside. Us dogs learned to protect our humans. 

           There are many kinds of working dogs in human society. There are service dogs like seeing-eye dogs and hearing-ear dogs, there are therapy dogs which help cheer people up, there are police dogs which smell out where the suspects are, there are drug dogs which help smell drugs, there are even dogs in the armed forces. But, my job is the most important of all. I'm the guard dog for my family and they still love me, feed me, and play with me for that.  

October 26, 2021 15:22

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