The Bunker

“Can you grab the veggie cutting board? I accidentally got the meat one,” my mom called out. After a few seconds, she added, “It might be in the sink.”

It wasn’t hard to travel from my corner of the bunker to our “kitchen.” The bunker wasn’t big enough for a family of four. It was barely 20’ by 20’. However, it was the only life we had ever known. I didn’t even know there was something called outside until a couple of months ago. Or maybe years? I had never learned how time worked. It was hard to know what time it was. We just based it off of this: when we were sleepy, it was rest time, and when we weren’t, it was rise time. Each day started at the beginning of rise time and ended at the end of rest time. 

“Is this the right one?” I handed my mother the old and plastic green cutting board. She nodded wearily and tried to smile. She really did. She just couldn’t.

I had always known my mom as an exhausted, stressed, and overworked person. At least, that’s how she portrayed herself. Her black hair was always thrown into a messy bun. It made you question when she last brushed it. Her eyes were constantly being shadowed by bags under them, and she always kept her lips pursed tightly together. However, she was the only one like this. For my sisters and I, this had always been our life. A dark bunker with small furniture was the only thing we had ever known. For my mom, it was different.

When my mom was younger, she didn’t live in a bunker. She lived in a, what was it? A house? There were green straws called “grass” and giant pieces of dust called “dogs.” Her world had seemed so interesting, so unique, that my sisters and I loved to listen to her stories. At one point in this place somewhat like Heaven, a disease had struck, sentencing all families to bunkers. My mom had been married with children at the time. She had twins: my sister and I. We were four. She was also pregnant with my other sister. According to my mother, her husband had passed away from the illness. I didn’t remember him at all, and I most definitely didn’t remember the world I had once lived in.

But now we were here, in a small bunker with water and food that were brought to us with buckets while we slept. It was life. It was normal for all of us. Except for my mother, of course. She still had nightmares of whatever was happening before the bunkers became mandatory. She didn’t even remember the last time she saw her family and friends. They might be dead, for all we know. I didn’t have any friends. The only people I knew were my mother, my twin sister Courtney, and my little sister Tasha.

“Hey, Mom?” A voice called from the corner closest to the ladder leading to the heavy wooden doors that opened from the ceiling. No one dared touch the ladder. “I think we missed the gifts! They’re outside!” It was Courtney. “Can I grab them?”

My mom and I turned at the same time. We spoke at the same time too. “No!” we both called out.

Courtney looked startled, but she backed away from the ladder. “Jeez, okay,” she mumbled.

My mother was the only one who received the buckets, or “gifts,” as we called them. For all we knew, the disease could still be out there. Also, this was the only way my mom could experience a “blast from the past.” It was the only time she could leave and feel what she felt before. She cherished these moments, and she was quite selfish about them.

“Hey, Caroline?” Tasha, my little sister, asked me. “Did you know that you made Courtney sad? I don’t think she liked that you yelled at her.”

“I don’t care,” I said coldly, even though I did. “She should know that it’s dangerous out there. Besides, getting the gifts is Mom’s job.”

“Whatever,” she said, walking away. She stopped. “You’re such a big sister. It’s annoying.”

I rolled my eyes. Sure, I was the eldest sister, and I liked to act it. I didn’t see the problem in that.

I felt bad, of course. I mean, Courtney was my twin sister, and we were as close as we could possibly be. So, I decided to check on her.

“Courts,” I started, using her nickname. “Look, I’m sorry. But, we all know…”

She looked up. She had been playing with her fingernails when I came over. “Caroline, I know. But, I mean, don’t you want to know what’s out there? Don’t you want to know a world outside this cramped bunker? Aren’t you curious? We’ve been here for all we can remember, and we’re fourteen. Can’t you understand?” She stopped for a second. “Don’t you want something new? Is that so bad?”

She looked so honest, so desperate. I sat next to her, sighing. We both knew what I was going to say, so I decided to not talk for once.

I only wanted the best for my sisters. I also wanted the best for my mother. It was hard being the person in the middle. I either had to choose between my weary and depressed mother who wanted to keep us safe, or my unruly sisters who I loved so, so much. It wasn’t fair that I had to choose.

Later that night, as I was lying in my little cot, I heard my mother singing. She always sang late at night, thinking that the three of us were asleep. Her voice was sweet and calming, and it was usually what I would fall asleep to. Today, it didn’t help. I couldn’t fall asleep with the constant fear that my sisters would do something stupid, like leave the bunker. I wanted to catch them, but what if it wasn’t worth it? Maybe they finally grew up? It was an odd thought, but it calmed me. I soon  gave into the pull of sleep.

I woke up four hours later. I was exhausted and confused. I never woke up randomly, so something must have happened. But what? I didn’t hear any sounds. I didn’t see anything. My mother was asleep on the couch, and my sisters were… not in their beds. I couldn’t help but think, I knew this would happen, I knew they would do something stupid, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I stopped looking around frantically when a thought hit me. If I knew, why didn’t I do anything? I finally realized. I trusted them. Well, that was my first mistake.

I ran around the bunker, whisper-yelling “Courtney!” and “Tasha!” They were nowhere to be found. They must have left the bunker! I realized. 

I couldn’t tell my mother. She was fast asleep, and she needed rest. I wasn’t going to take that away from her. Besides, I could be a responsible sister. I just needed to prove it.

So, I did what I thought was best. I climbed the ladder leading to the door in the ceiling. I was so scared; I was shaking. I had never touched this ladder before. It had always haunted me. But, here I was, climbing it, leaving the bunker I had known my entire life. I looked back. How would I see my home after this? Was the outside world actually beautiful? Were my sisters even out there? If they were, how would I find them? Were they lost? How big was this “outside” place? I was overwhelmed in worries, and my breath was speeding up by the second. My heart was doing the same thing. Nonetheless, I somehow found the strength to push open the heavy wood doors that led to the world I had never seen before.

My first impression of the new world was that it was cold. One might even describe it as freezing. It was dark outside; a blanket of black covered the entire world. I could see nothing. Nothing at all. That is, except for the beautiful shimmering dots in the sky. They shone across the entire landscape. My mother told me that there was something like this in her stories. They were stars. I loved stars. I knew from her stories that I did. They just seemed so magical: like they were from a fairytale. But, now that they were in front of me, they seemed even better. 

Suddenly, I heard a voice behind me. Because of my awe in the stars, I didn’t notice that I had climbed fully out of the bunker and onto the soft, squishy… dirt. I jumped, and I turned around quickly.

“Hello?” I called, terrified. What monsters were out here? Maybe I shouldn’t have left the bunker… but my sisters! What if something got them?

“Oh, I was just surprised you came out here,” the voice called. It came from the ladder, and soon, I saw Courtney’s head pop out of the bunker with the rest of her body following. Tasha was right behind her.

“Wait, what?” I asked, confused and startled. “I-I thought you left the bunker-”

“That was the plan,” Courtney said, smiling. “We knew you’d get worried and leave. We were under the beds. I can’t believe you didn’t see us, to be honest.”

The beds. The one place I didn’t look. But, I was still confused.

“Why’d you trick me, though?”

Tasha spoke this time. “Because we knew you wouldn’t come out here.”

“But why?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“No,” I said, annoyed. “Why did you trick me? Just to bring me out here?

“Well-”

“It’s because you’re so uptight,” Courtney said, interrupting Tasha. “You never want to do anything, and you are so boring. It’s always me and Tasha getting in trouble, and you just yell at us. Is that fun, Caroline? Is it?”

It wasn’t fun. Not in the slightest bit. But, I was the eldest sister, and I needed to be responsible. “It sure is better than getting in trouble all the time.”

“How would you know? You’re Miss Perfect; you’re Mom’s favorite. You wouldn’t know trouble if it slapped you in the face!”

Courtney was yelling, and she was getting upset. Tasha was behind her, looking worried. Neither of us had seen Courtney this mad before, and it terrified us. She had been keeping this bottled up for so long; she might as well explode. She wanted to hang out with me and be a kid with me. But I had grown up, and I was Mom’s assistant now. I couldn’t leave that role. Mom needed me. Courtney just didn’t understand. Tasha didn’t either. She was just a little kid, after all.

I tried to stay calm and not yell back. Mom was sure to wake up; she would be abruptly awakened at the sound of a pin drop. “It doesn’t matter what I am. This is dangerous; who knows what’s out here?” Then, for a little extra oomph, I added, “And it’s terribly irresponsible of you to be bringing Tasha out here; she’s just a little kid.”

If I had any hope with the two of them before, it was gone now. Courtney was even angrier, probably because I was so calm, and Tasha? She looked angry as well. I had always thought of her as Courtney’s shadow, copying her in dress and behavior. It was obvious why she picked her over me; I’m a goody-two-shoes, and Courtney is fun to be around. A ball of sunshine. That is, except for now.

“I’m nine, you know!” Tasha started, but was interrupted by Courtney again. Courtney interrupted people a lot.

“Alright, Caroline. You wanna be that way? Be that way. I’m done. You can go back to the bunker and cuddle up with Mom, give her a foot massage, whatever. You can be her little servant and be at her beckon call. But I’m done. I wanna leave, and I believe I’m mature enough. In your little brain, you might think that’s incorrect, but news flash: I don’t care. That’s why I’m leaving. Tasha’s coming with. And we’re not coming back.”

Tasha and I both gasped. I could see that Courtney was surprised as well, but she had made up her mind. Tasha clearly didn’t know either. She probably just came for the prank; she didn’t come to run away. I knew Tasha would go, nonetheless. She was Courtney’s shadow after all. She was the same way with Courtney as I was with our mother.

“We’re leaving now. Go tell Mom. Maybe she’ll actually care about her other two kids for once.” Courtney snapped, standing up. Tasha still looked stunned. “Tasha, let’s go. Let’s leave this horrendous place.”

Tasha didn’t want to go. She stared longingly at the bunker doors, and then at me. Why was she looking at me? She gazed at me, as if she were pleading, Please, Caroline. Stop her. This is crazy, and she’s not thinking. At least, that’s what she should be begging me.

After nothing happened, Tasha stood up and brushed herself off. She didn’t look at me anymore, and she instead looked at her slippers. They were shaped like little bunnies.

Courtney glanced at me, uncaring. “I really wanna bring you along,” she said dryly, “but the reason I’m leaving is to leave Mom. So, you can’t come. Bye, Caroline.”

She sighed shakily, and then ran. She just bolted away, almost like if she didn’t leave fast enough, she’d be pulled back by some magnetic force. Tasha stood still for a moment, then followed in pursuit. She didn’t wave. She didn’t say ‘bye.’ Nothing. They were gone. I had lost the only sources of light in my life. What was there now?

It was at that moment that I realized something. Courtney really was desperate to be free. She longed for it and bringing Tasha along gave her strength and courage. She wasn’t alone. If I were like her, if I needed adventure, she’d bring me along and ditch Tasha. Because that was how she was.

She reminded me of one of Mom’s stories. It was when she was a child, and she was doing a science experiment. It was where you drop a Mento candy into a Coca Cola bottle. The bottle of soda was fine; that is, until you dropped the candy in. Then it exploded, leaving a big mess. She was the bottle, having the possibility to explode at any time. The Mento candy was many things: the bunker, our mother, but mostly, it was me. And that nagged at me.

I was trapped. One part of me longed to go. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to run away with them. In all honesty, I had always thought that I wanted to have an adventurous heart. But it turned  out, I already did. But I never let it show. I was shackled to my responsibilities, which included my mother.

The other part of me wanted to stay. Mom needed me, and she’d be heartbroken if her three daughters, her life source, had run away. She needed someone to be there, to comfort her. She needed me. But I didn’t need her. At least, I didn’t want to need her. But maybe I did. Either way, Mom still needed me.

But there was an ache in my heart. I felt unloved and alone. Courtney had just ran away, dragging Tasha along. They didn’t want me. They didn’t need me. They didn’t know how much I needed them.

I sprang from my feet as another realization hit me. So that was why Courtney was so mad. She felt unloved and alone. She felt like no one wanted or needed her. Mother had always favored me, and that was the solemn truth. It wasn’t just because I was obedient and hard-working while Courtney was adventurous and restless. It was also because of our traits, our looks, our grades, and our personalities. Mother would be fine without Tasha and Courtney, and that hurt me. 

That was the night that I did the most irresponsible thing I had ever done in my entire life. I decided that I was going to follow Courtney and Tasha. I was going to apologize for being distant and uncaring. We were going to start a life anew somewhere else, and we were going to raise Tasha to not live in fear of the outside as we had.

It was stupid. It was irrational. But it was worth it. I scurried back into the bunker and grabbed most of the food we had and all of the clothes I could fit into a backpack. The “gifts” would come in a few days; Mother would be fine. 

I slowly walked up to my mother; I was calm. I knew she would hate this decision, but I didn’t care for once. She looked so peaceful and serene when she slept. Life would be easier without us. Perhaps she could start anew or even leave the bunker.

Goodbye, Mother I thought. You have raised me well. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and pulled her blanket higher on her. 

I climbed out of the bunker with a heavy backpack and an even heavier heart. This was it. This was the start of my new life. The most surprising part had to be that I was ready. I was excited. 

The last thing I thought before running off was this: I’ll be back soon. Goodbye, Mother. I love you so very dearly. And with that, I took off, running toward the beautiful stars in the sky. Toward Courtney and Tasha. But mostly toward my new life.