Nocturnal chaos

Dear diary,                       4th April 2020

     So it has been a week since I used to see my mom's room lights still gleaming at eerie hours of the night way past midnight

I very vividly remember all the events I had seen 6 days ago when I walked towards my mom's room in the quiet of the night, as I kept hearing some muffled voices in the distance coming from her room. I heard them grow more and more distinct as I advanced nearer and until I could hear the conversation clearly and probably recognised the familiar voice. I stood at the threshold of mom's doorway and finally saw who was keeping her company!? It was dad! as I had guessed. He was standing in front of mom's nightstand his back towards the door where I was stood. I saw that mom was sitting on her bed intently reading her new crime novel and that's when I saw dad handing out to mom a warm cup of milk with a weak smile. Which seemed quite weird for a man who is always beaming. She took it and nodded with a thank you without looking up considering how deeply she was focused reading her novel, she probably did not notice dad's changed behaviour. I saw dad's smile faltering as she finished it up and within a span of few minutes she had closed her eyes and had rested her head on the overboard of the bed. Dad kept the cup aside and slowly eased out the novel out of her hand and lay her on the bed as he pulled up the blanket on her, a look of hurt and guilt flashed in his eyes as he said "hope the night's good to you honey!" I softly murmured "goodnight mama" and ran back to my room before dad saw me standing at the door. My heart was pounding loudly as I lay on my bed breathing deeply. I could not distinguish whether it was pounding due to running or whatever I had seen. The recent events still flashing relentlessly through my mind "will she be ok?" I wondered to myself knowing everything exactly but soon after that I had fallen asleep as soon as my thoughts had consumed my energy. This same routine had been going on everyday at night. 

Today that is April 4 and 3:36 am right now, has already been crazy enough!

Dad had left for a business trip at noon and would not be back for a week or more. He had texted me to check some very important sheet of paper he had left on his work desk in his room without fail. But tonight after so many days I had seen mom's light still on past midnight, it was 2:46 am and mom was still up. I walked into her room as I announced my presence by loudly saying "are you not sleepy yet mama?" "Just finding it hard to fall asleep tonight and I am having random waves of upset moods, it feels like I am going crazy " she said rubbing her forehead looking quite confused "Did you try taking any medicine for helping you sleep?" I blurted out too straightly without thinking much. She snapped back at me with an annoyed look and reminded me how much she hates those artificial alternatives to help someone sleep. I shrugged saying it is probably the late night hunger emerging up and bothering her sleep and I hurried to the kitchen and bought her some chamomile tea. I handed it over to her as I stood leaning on the wall besides her bed and watched as she sipped it, she was still flipping through the magazine in her hand. That's when I pulled out my phone and shot a text " It's done dad! I have mixed it in mom's tea." Just as I sent the text I heard mom clear her throat, I looked up from the phone screen to see mom had now narrowed her eyes and was pointing at the tea cup, as she spoke to say something my stomach knotted and I pocketed my phone and stood straight bracing myself to listen to what she had to say. She began "This tea...." I was so scared tears stung my eyes and I could only imagine all the possibilities about what she has to say ,she finally began to continue what she had to say about that tea, "The tea tasted amazing sweetie thank you so much!" she finished. For a whole moment I had gone still and at the other moment I was so relieved after processing her words and during the next I was guilty again because her eyes had already started drooping and she was almost asleep. I wiped the tear which I did not even realize had rolled down my cheek when I almost thought she had finally learnt the truth. I slowly went towards her bed and caressed her face and whispered while leaning on over her "We'll get through this mama. You are strong and we will defeat your sleep demons and you will finally get rid of your insomnia. You will not have those constant episodes of nightmares and sleepwalking anymore. Just give this some time" The sheet of paper which dad had left on his desk was a medical prescription regarding mom's sleep issues. Ughh I wish only if she had accepted that the melatonin supplements helped her for good and was against it so dad and me did not have to act so sneaky about the medicines, but sometime soon she will finally learn the truth so we need to work on how to make her understand this was necessary, I sighed. "Have a good night I love you so much mama , rest well" I said while spraying some of that exotic lavender scent in her room before leaving. Anything that helps her sleep peacefully at night because we have seen her struggle for sleep and the most part of her daily routine being overshadowed by depressed mood and we want her well being.