My Lady Darkness

The woods I run through alone in the dead of night are my sanctuary, the fresh air cleansing me of the filth from the group home where I stay.

Aromatic scents of pine and wet earth bring my senses alive as the dew drops from the foliage baptize me in nature’s name and awaken my spirit.

The woodlands of the Pacific Northwest have always been my safe space. Mom and Dad started bringing me here from the time I could walk; we would hike, camp, and hunt. Pretty much anything to do with nature we would do. Now that they’re gone, I try to come here every day for as long as possible, especially since it gets me out of that Hell of a home.

Slowing my pace to a gentle walk, I take in the sounds around me. The music of crickets chirping and owls hooting create the usual ambiance found in one of my late-night rendezvous.

A cool breeze creates a chilling melody through the tree branches. It harmonizes beautifully with the rest of the nighttime nature sounds.

Goosebumps break out over my arms, made worse by the sweat coating my skin, and I increase my walking pace to warm up.

My mind wanders aimlessly from childhood memories and happier times to the witch of a group home manager I was so blessed to be placed with. How she isn’t arrested and tossed in jail is beyond me.

After all the abuse that occurs there, it’s a miracle none of the kids have offed themselves yet. One more year, and I’ll be out of there. No more dark nights and nightmares for me. I only wish I could take some of the others with me.

In the distance, I see an orange glow and shadows milling about in the darkness. Silently creeping forward, I glanced to my left and right, searching for clues of anyone else I might have missed while on my run. Having taken to late-night ventures through this forest when I joined the group home, I had not once come across another soul after sunset.

I willed my heartbeat to slow and my breathing to even out so that I could catch any suspicious sound coming from up ahead. Then, as I detect the low thump of music that seems to come from beyond the thick growth of evergreens, I begin to crest a small hill. The view before me has tingles shooting up my spine.

Panic started to swell inside me, threatening to swallow me whole. My breathing stalls in my throat, and my body starts to tremble. Then, as my legs start to give out beneath me, I lower myself to the damp earth without drawing any attention.

In the clearing in front of me, a large bonfire sits with men and women mingling in the most delicate garments, putting my sweaty running tights and top to shame.

The music I heard seemed to be coming from a D.J. that had equipment set up to the far end of the group, just shy of where the light from the fire reaches. A generator supplies power to the equipment as well as fairy lights that run through the canopy of the trees.

A narrow path free of debris has been created on the forest floor that winds around the group’s perimeter.

My eyes drift from person to person as I become captivated by them. As I take my time people watching, I notice that while some garments are exquisite, others seem more muted and reserved.

Different scenarios run through my mind, and I conclude that this seems to be an out-of-the-box fashion show.

I’ve never heard of one being held in nature before, let alone in the middle of the night, but I suppose there is a first for everything.

My gaze was fixed on a man’s back so large he could be a mountain. So strong he could be made of granite. I am so entranced by the aura surrounding this being that I overlook when his head swivels on his shoulders and his eyes meet mine.

When those eyes that are darker than the night sky meet mine, I feel something connect and click into place within my soul.

The music switches to a haunting melody. Tears prick my eyes when a series of emotions assault me. My heart aches and my throat thickens as waves of despair, and sadness crash over me, brought on suddenly by the music and the emotion in this man’s eyes.

Other than the grief I felt at the loss of my parents, I’ve never been a slave to my emotions. However, the realization of how much I’ve been affected tonight causes a fracture on the shield of apathy my body had formed over time.

Darkness passes over his face as he raises his hand and beckons me forward.

Rising to my feet, I do my best to steel my nerves, slowly descend into the clearing and make my way over to the dark mystery man.

With each step I take, a little piece of me becomes numb. I don’t know if it’s the adrenaline coursing through my veins or the anticipation of being amid this lavish party in the middle of nowhere.

He wraps his arm around my waist when I enter His orbit, cradling me against his body. I flinch when our bodies collide, and I realize the burn I feel on my fingertips isn’t from heat; it’s from cold.

Despite standing so close to the bonfire flames, his skin is like ice, yet his skin holds a golden glow. Up close, his eyes are dark-like pitch. His pupil seems to swallow all color that would generally be in his iris, creating a frightening effect.

His other hand snakes up to my neck, circling it like a collar and squeezing up to the point where I fear I might pass out. If he squeezed a fraction harder, I wouldn’t be able to breathe.

Someone passes behind me, and a glass of dark liquid is placed in my hands.

“You must be parched, Love. Here, drink this.”

His hand slowly relinquishes his hold on my neck as I bring the drink to my lips. I tip my head back, closing my eyes and swallowing the sweet liquid. Relishing the way it cools my throat and quenches an emotional fire burning within me for years.

I hum my satisfaction and breathe deeply. The mystery liquid created a tingling sensation all over my frame.

The pleasant sensation turns into a thousand knives being plunged into my body too quickly. My heart feels like it’s going to burst from my body and

I stare in open-mouthed horror at the now empty glass falling from my grip to the dirt under my feet. My heart goes into overdrive during my fight or flight instincts battle with each other. A cold sweat breaks out all over me, my breaths becoming shallower with every second that passes.

I trip over my feet and try to back away from him and his outstretched arms. Even as my fear of him overwhelms me, the side attracted to him seems to win out. His fingers connect with my flesh as he stops my backward descent and hauls me into his arms.

“Where do you think you’re going, Love? The forest is thick with fiends, and the night bursts with chaos. There’s nowhere to go, and you can’t outrun fate.”

My mind stutters as I fight to find a witty comeback. However, alas, my brain is overloaded with all the information it’s still processing from the last ten minutes.

“What’s going on? Let me go. Why are you doing this?”

“Do not worry, Love, everything will be explained soon enough. In the meantime, I can’t let you go. There’s no telling what kind of trouble will find you if I do. For now, you’re safer with me.”

A prickling sensation starts at the base of my spine, working its way upward through my body, causing my panic to flare. Whatever was in my drink is causing this. I know it. Nothing else could explain this feeling.

Slowly a thousand different sensations take over my whole body, and I lose all of my motor functions. The only thing keeping me from crumbling to the floor are His muscular arms cradling me into his chest.

The rest of the guests seem to be oblivious to us as they gawk and coo over the models in their finery. I’ll admit they are gorgeous, and any other time I would say so, but I would never admit that now.

Suddenly I’m aware that my mind had wandered off when my focus comes back to him whispering incoherently in my ear. “I’ve waited so long for you. Finally, my patience will be rewarded as I steal you away from your mundane existence back to where you’ve always been meant to be.”

I stare up into a pair of eyes that captivated me moments ago. Two dark orbs that remind me of space’s dark abyss, swim with secrets I want to uncover. A feeling of comfort and familiarity wraps around me, coming from nowhere.

I should not feel like this. I’ve only met this man tonight.

The thickness of the forest dances in front of me as I sway back and forth in his arms. He hums along to the music as he dances gracefully while cradling me as if I’m the answer to all of his questions.

“Who are you?” I whisper, hypnotized and unaware of the apex predator in front of me.

“I am your God.”

My heartbeat slows along with my breathing. My vision blurs and stutters like an old T.V. that’s not picking up a clear channel. The colors around me fade slowly until they are leached away, and all I see is now in black and white.

I close my eyes for just a moment. Then, I tell myself I’ll only rest for a second, and when I open them again, everything will be back to normal.

Dread envelops me, covering me like a wool blanket, making my painfully slow breaths cease.

Coldness surrounds me: darkness and despair, my companions. I remember feeling this way for so long, and now they don’t feel as suffocating as they once did. Oddly enough, now they feel like a part of me, like a limb that has suddenly been reattached and welcomed home in my body.

I open my eyes with a sense of peace and calm. I haven’t felt this light in years, and that thought alone has a timid smile forming on my face.

I gasp as my gaze falls on the man in front of me. He’s holding me in his arms, stroking my hair away from my face with a sad smile and tears in his eyes. Why does he look so sad? I can’t stand to see him like this. It breaks my heart.

My heart. I can’t feel my heartbeat…I feel for my pulse as I touch my hand to my neck. I start to panic and move out of his arms as the one thing necessary for life is lacking in me.

My focus drifts around the people surrounding me, parading through the clearing in their finery. Each is more beautiful than the last. My own sweaty gym clothes have been replaced with a gown as fine as the others I witnessed.

My eyes meet His once again, and one word repeats in my mind as waves of comfort and belonging roll over me. “Home.” I hadn’t felt a peace like this since before my parents died. Every day was more miserable than the last, almost to the point where I had ceased wanting to live.

The draw I feel toward him is the most potent force I’ve ever felt. Like feels like the most natural thing in the world. Nothing could take me away from him. I wouldn’t allow it. But, by the look in his eyes and the possessive way he holds me, I can tell that he wouldn’t allow it either. I am his. I am home.