Waiting Isn't Enough

Neo stepped through the trees carrying a pile of sticks in his sun tanned arms. Most of the small group were already settling on their chosen rocks. Cole was sitting with a few others by a weak fire. Neo dumped the sticks by the fire and gave Cole a hopeful glance. They were all thin from weeks with barely any food and no one didn't have bags under their eyes from the rough nights of sleeping on rocks. “Sorry Neo. Lucy and Zair didn't find any food today.” Cole said as he got to his feet and patted Neo on the shoulder. “You should get some sleep, I'll keep watch tonight. Just wait and things will get better.”

'Just wait and things will get better.'

Neo tensed at the words, when was the last day Cole hadn't said that at some point to him!? Probably before they left the empire, maybe years before. They had rushed out of the empire around three months ago, years of Cole shouting about the better world he was going to make outside of the empire's grasp. Every day for the last three months, Cole had said that stupid phrase. Every day they got hungrier and it got harder to sleep. Every day the empire got closer to their camp and every day winter stalked towards them. Yet the only thing Cole did to raise moral was say that stupid phrase, how was that meant to stop them from starving and how was it meant to keep them hidden from the soldiers? This past through Neo's head in a blink of an eye, and he turned away from Cole, stomping over to where his empty pack lay on a rock. With a grumble of his stomach, Neo lay down on the rock and shut his eyes, he squirmed for a while fighting against the inevitability of being uncomfortable the entire night. After a while Neo gave up and opened his eyes, he stared up at the stars. He couldn't do this anymore. The hard nights, long days and lack of food, surely no one could survive like this, even with the dream on the horizon and a nightmare waiting behind them for the day they gave up. Maybe this only inspired the others to push on towards the dream, but Neo had no more strength to push towards that dream that seemed to be slipping further away with each morning and each day without food. Neo was done waiting. He was done with struggling to sleep on rocks while his stomach grumbled. He was done with Cole and his idiotic fantasies.

Cole sat hunched by the dancing fire. Neo got up and walked over to him, his stomach doing a small flip. “Hey, Cole.” He said looking at his friend who blinked at him.

“Are you alright Neo?” Cole said squinting up at him.

“I need to tell you something.” Neo gulped nervously and opened his mouth to continue but Cole got there first:

"I need to talk to you too.” Cole said rising to his feet and looking Neo squarely in the eye. “Can we move a bit further away from the rest?” he gestured at the sleeping forms of their companions. Neo nodded through his shock and followed Cole away from the dancing flames. Once they were out of earshot from anyone who might still be awake, Cole began. “I need you to keep your chin up. The others say you're getting too negative.” Neo felt a surge of anger. So they were fine with starving were they, he was the one keeping there spirits low was he!?

“Tell them not to worry because I'm lea-”

“I understand why it would make you upset, but I don't know if they'll let you stay unless you at least seem positive about everything.” Cole interrupted him and gave him a pained expression.

“I don't care if they want me to leave! I'm leav-” Neo glared as Cole spoke over him again.

“You should care! I don't control them like you must think, we're all in this together. If there are more that want you gone than those who want you to stay, then you have to go.”

“Cole listen to me-” Neo began, trying to be calm.

“No, listen to me. I can't do anything to stop them kicking you out, Neo you have to understand that continuing like this will end up with you being thrown out of the group.”

“I don't want to be i-”

“If you don't want to be thrown out then smile sometimes, stop complaining, do something to help everyone even if you don't really mean it!”

“I don't care if I get thrown out!” Neo shouted over Cole who paled at his words. In a quieter voice he tried to continue. “I'm leav-”

“Well you should care! Even if you don't care about what they think, do it for me?” Cole pleaded, his eyes beginning to swim in tears made silver by the moonlight filtering through the trees.

“So I'm a pain to you too, huh?” Neo spat, crossing his arms over his chest, he spun on his heels and headed further away from the camp.

“No, Neo!” Cole rushed after him, grabbing his shoulder and forcing him to stop. “What are you doing?”

“Can't you tell? I'm obviously only a problem to you, so I'm lea-” Neo shut his mouth firmly in an annoyed grimace as Cole cut in.

“Neo, I don't mean you're a problem to me! I just... I couldn't bare it if they threw you out. I need you Neo.” Cole jerked him back and hugged him tightly. Neo felt his throat close up as his shirt became moist with his friend's tears. “You've always been there for me, you helped all this happen. Without you we would all still be dying in the empire. Neo, I couldn't do this without you to support me. I don't know if I can trust the others yet, but I know you would never leave me.” Cole's words felt like a knife through Neo's stomach. 'I know you would never leave me.' But that was just what he was doing wasn't it. Guilt made Neo pull away and keep his eyes averted from Cole's face.

“Cole...” Cole blinked, finally quiet in his confusion. “I'm sorry but-” Well finally quiet for a moment.

“Neo I know you can do it. You're the best actor on the street! I know it'll hurt to do it but I'll always be here for you, just like I know you'll be there for me.” Neo winced as Cole reached out for him.

“I-I can't.” Neo finally brought himself to look at Cole. Cole stood frozen in mid step.

“What do you mean?” he said, his brow wrinkled in worry and confusion.

“I can't be there for you. I can't keep doing this.” Neo gestured around at the wilderness in general, hurt flashed over Cole's face before he went back to simply puzzled.

“That's fine, you can have a day of rest tomorrow! How about that? I'm sure we'll fine food tomorrow, maybe you should sleep on my rock, it might be more comfortable!” Cole nodded, satisfied with his plan.

“No, Cole I'm done. I'm leaving, that's what I had to tell you-”

“Neo, you can't be serious, you can't be leaving me! We're in this together, just like we've always been!” Neo reached forward and hugged Cole.

“Goodbye, you'll always be my best friend Cole,” Neo disentangled himself, tears pricking his eyes.

“Neo, please.”

“I'm sorry Cole.” With that Neo broke into a run, bushes whipped at his legs and torn at him as if they also wanted him to stay within the camp.

It took a day of walking without food or rest before Neo arrived, exhausted at the empire's gates. He was dragged inside and shown a bath, food, clean clothes and a proper bed. In the morning, guards brought Neo to the heart of the city and thrown into the mines that ran beneath the crumbling buildings and cobblestone streets. The darkness embraced him in it's cold arms and there he was forgotten.

Cole sat away from the group, gazing up at the stars. Two months. It had been two months since Neo had left him alone. At first Cole had shouted at the group whenever they came near him or tried to talk to him finally they decided it was best to leave him alone. Then he'd just been quiet. It felt like he had no reason to talk. Neo was gone. He'd driven him away for what? A promise of a better life, but how could life be better in any way if his best friend was somewhere in the grasp of the nightmare he was building this dream to block out. It was pointless now. Cole scanned the constellations hoping there was some sign to show him there was a point to go on with this dream that had ripped his friend from him. He wondered miserably if Neo was looking up at the stars too and thinking about him.

But Neo was somewhere the sky would never reach.