Imagination became reality

I am Maeve. I am 19 now. Year 2020 slipped away so quickly that I have a feeling that it never existed or something seized my existence for a year. My mom is a journalist. So I was acquainted with the habit of writing specially diary writing from childhood. Earlier I used to write in a weekly basis but as time flew, time became the most costly treasure of my life. So I switched diary writing on monthly basis. I woke up this morning with a constant doorbell ringing. It was a lazy morning, but the morning was worth it as if I am waking up from a very long dream. I made my way to the door and the first thing I saw were happy faces, bright like sunshine. It's my mom and dad. They were in America for some work and then Coronavirus hit the whole world and shatter it in pieces. Whole world went into a lockdown, and they were stuck in America only and me here in my hometown. Seeing them after a year made me so happy and alive. I hugged them so tightly, and they bought me so many presents as it's my 19th birthday, and they missed my last birthday. I almost forget it. But they do remember. Oh! I love them so much. After getting fresh they asked me whereabouts of the past year. What I did alone in lockdown? How I reacted to their absence? And I fumbled. I wanted to speak, but I don't remember anything. Literally anything. As if my memory is wiped up or permanently erased. I wanted to speak, but my mind got numb. Fear, confusion, impulsiveness started cracking my mind floor.

“I will tell you later mom and dad. You should take rest now. I am sure the journey was tiring”, this lame excuse saved me for time being.

I rushed in my room and started thinking of year 2020. But not a speck of memory touched me. I freaked out. Banged my head on bed. Nothing helped. I didn't know what's happening to me. I decided to play with logic now. Furthermore, I started searching for my year 2020 diary because no matter what I write as it's my habit. Not some mere acquired habit but the genetic one. I searched everywhere in my messed room to find the missing part of me. And it was lying below cupboard. I picked it up, and it was stained with something red. Maybe some red paint. Fear started crushing me. I am going to live the part of my life one again. I am going to put the missing piece of me in its right place one again. I don't know how it will affect me. I don't know how I will take it up. I will never know unless I read the pages. I opened the first page.

31/01/2020

January was the best month of my whole life. I finally got my better half, my love and my soulmate in the form of boyfriend. On the next day of my birthday that is one 2nd January my mother and father left for work. It was a gloomy morning as I hate to live alone. It literally sucks. But then some magical coincident happened. A guy name Brook ended up in my door. I didn't know him and vice versa. He ended up in a wrong address instead of his sister's place. He was tall, muscular, had sharp black eyes with sharp features. For a perfectly virgin damsel like me, he was a dream boyfriend. All my friends are extrovert, remarkably elegant and sexually active. Even the most nerd boy/girl of our class has at least done oral sex. And me? I am a perfectly virgin maiden. Seeing my peers I feel jealous and desperate. None has asked me for a meredate even. I feel inferior. But now it's over. 

That day despite being shy my desperation won my senses and I called Brook to have a tea with me and in return I will help him find his sister's place. He narrowed his eyes but agreed after few minutes of thinking.

“Hi! I am Maeve. I am native here”.

“That's amazing. I am Brook. I recently shifted here. Furthermore, I have seen you in school few times”.

Hell he was in my school. Hearing this a natural blush took possession of my cheeks.

“It's pleasure to know. Tell me where your sister lives and I will tell you the way”.

And I did exactly what I said. I told him the way to his sister's house. But he came that evening for more casual friendly talk. My mind was playing naughty games and his sexy look made me more desperate. So I decided to wear something sexy. I wore a pink sleeveless top with a black mini skirt and definitely makeup was on. We talked for hours and hours.

“Do you know something?”

“No, Brook what's it”

“You are looking so sexy today”

“Ah! Thanks”, I blushed and in the back of my mind I was thinking that my whole makeover and dressing thing was a success. Brook the most handsome guy I have ever seen, complimented me.

But that's not it. His gaze grew intense with the darkness falling outside. Suddenly he stopped talking and came close to me. He held my hand and gently kissed my lips. I was numb for a minute. How my fairy tale was coming true? Sensuous feeling and pleasure bathed me. His eyes were so gorgeous, more gorgeous than ever. And suddenly his phone beeped and broke our romantic silence. From that day he visited me every day as we keep falling for each other. And everyday ended with his passionate kisses.

28/02/2020

He proposed me this month in a unique manner. It was such a romantic gesture same I dreamt in my childhood. It was 5 February. Neither did he visit me nor he picked up my call. I was worried about him. Bad thoughts were knocking my minds door. Maybe he is over with me? Maybe I am so boring that he got someone better than me. With all these heavy feelings I headed up to Mosha's birthday party. Mosha is my best friend. A very popular girl and sometimes witty too. But we know each other since childhood, and she always stood for me. I entered Mosha's home with heavy heart but all my heaviness vaporized after Brook took a grand entry. He was having a bouquet of beautiful red and ivory roses. I thought it was for Birthday girl. But it wasn't. He came towards me sat on his knees with a bunch of flowers in one hand and beautiful ring on another.

“Here you get a choice beautiful young lady. Choose anyone of it. But you are looking too beautiful today, so I am ready to add another option. So options are

A. Bouquet 

B. Ring

C. Both 

And with these I want to confess my feelings to you in front of the whole crowd that Miss Maeve I am madly in love with you”.

It was the happiest moment of my life. The whole crowd started clapping. Tears of happiness dropped from eyes while a long-lasting smile adored my face.

“Mr Brooke it was such a beautiful surprise and I choose option C. Moreover I want to say that I love you more”

It seemed like my birthday than Mosha's, never mind.

31/03/2020

I and Brooke took another step in our relationship. We started sex chatting. It was fun. I never did before. But he was like an expert. I first doubted him that he might be player, playing with multiple girls, or I am one of his millions of girlfriend. But he proved me wrong. He was so genuine that he gave me his phone and laptop for a whole day. And we all know all the secrets of today's generation can be recovered from devices and social media. Being a jealous and insecure girlfriend I stalked his devices, every folder and app again and again. But he was clean which made me feel guilty yet happy. My trust for him grew from a small plant to a large bushy tree. Oh! He messaged me now;

“Hi! Darling”.

“Hey Brook! Wassup”

“Can't sleep”

“Shall I come to you baby”

“Oh yes! You know I just want to hug you so tight and feel your whole body over mine”

“Don't be naughty”

Well, reading his messages my whole mood of writing is ruined. It's just more fun with him. I will come back to you soon dear Diary.

30/04/2020

Me and Brooke advanced a little more in our relationship. This time the step was taken by me. I was so eager to see him naked that I ended up asking him. But he didn't give me. He said I have to keep more patience for it and asked me give first. I couldn't deny his way of asking and ended up giving him nudes. He is out of station for almost a month and because of lockdown he can't return too. I really miss him now.

31/05/2020

Lockdown sucks. I am all alone in my home for months. 

“Hi!”

“Hey Brooke! How are you dear? You know how much I miss you?”

“I know babe and I miss you a lot. You know your friend Mosha was flirting to me yesterday”.

“What! How can Mosha do this? Bitch!”

“She even sent her pics in bikini to allure me. I don't know what to do darling”.

Learning about Mosha's ridiculous flirtatious behavior towards Brooke enraged me. I just wanted to kill her then. But I stayed composed. I trust Brooke.

31/10/2020

Months went with boredom. I stayed in the same room for more than months because my mother locked all other rooms. Thank goodness that my father was a rich person, so I always had everything on my doors. I never have to leave my house, my room. And I got tired of listening about my little bitch friend Mosha flirting to my boyfriend. I tried to contact her, but she never accepted her mistakes. She always says I am mad. I am doing silly jokes to her. Besides all shits there was fine news that finally Brooke will return tomorrow.

Dear diary I am sorry that I didn't came to you every month. But you are the most understanding one. The reason is nothing new was happening in my life due to lockdown.

30/11/2020

Brook came and he brought bouquet of finest lilies, lingerie and vodka for us. We were finally celebrating our adulthood. It was an amazing night with him but the following morning was most heartbreaking. That night we had sex and drinks. Too much alcohol consumption made me vomit next morning and seized my hangover. But Brooke was in hangover and he revealed something. Something that shredded my trust, love and almost me. He had sex with Mosha before having with me. He and Mosha were in a secret relationship whole lockdown. Learning the truth I broke up with him. But breaking up with him was more like breaking up with myself. I lost both boyfriend and best friend within my single eye blink. Now I am angry one Mosha. Brooke neither tried to apologize me nor contacted me. This was the last worst thing happened to me this month.

31/12/2020

I called Mosha this Christmas and asked her for an explanation. She was such a shameless bitch that she was constantly saying what's wrong with me. According to her, I was out of mind. The dam of my anger broke, and I killed her with the knife. Stabbed her in her ugly face. The last line she said was, “You are mad, imag…in……”

I killed her and I don't regret. I buried her in my garden and sown apple seeds over her. She messed with my life. It's her mistake. Why should I regret? The only thing I do is fear. Murdering her might lend me in jail. But I am happy now.

Present…

Till I reached the last page I lost my breath, my senses, myself… 

I rushed towards the garden and dig where the fine apple plant was growing and what I saw shook me hard as if the earth disappeared from my feet. It's bones maybe of Mosha's. I ran towards my phone and called Ryan. He is one me and Mosha's another best friend.

“Hello Ryan!”

“Maeve is this you? Where were you fucking bitch the whole year? You know so much has happened”

“Wh..a…tt?”

“You didn't contact us whole year. You even missed Mosha's birthday. You never did. We tried so hard to contact you but you never picked up our calls.”

“But I went to Mosha's birthday. You remember there Brooke proposed me?”

“Who's Brook? Who proposed you? Are you kidding? You didn't put a step outside since last year. Mosha and I planned to visit you but then lockdown happened”.

Things were getting cleared with fumbled voice and swollen eyes I managed to ask one last question to Ryan

“Where is Mosha now?”

“Last month she went to visit you and then she never came back to her home. She disappeared somewhere. Her parents waited almost a month for her come back, but now I guess they will do a police complain. They don't have any other choice. I just she is alright”.

And the phone dropped from my hand. My whole body was shaking. How can the truth be so bitter? Mosha was right. I was imagining things whole year. Brooke was my imagination. My mind was playing games with me. I was just one of my minds toy. My mind mixed reality and my imagination. For some petty imaginary details and virtual images formed by mind I killed my best friend, my childhood friend. I don't know what I will do now. I can't live with the guilt or who knows I am still imagining. My head is a real mess and I don't want to go to a jail. I want to seek expert help but I don't want a tag of 'mad'. I don't know what I will do.

If you are reading this. Probably I am no more because I wrote this just before taking a tour to hell because I don't deserve heaven. Minds are so powerful tool isn't it. But some psychological disorders can screw you and others life.