Dinner Party

“Kate, could you pass me the salad please?” 

“Of course! Let me just… Sorry, I can’t quite… Thomas, could you scoot back?”

“Huh? What?”

“Scoot back please.”

“I can’t. No room.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, look!”

“I just need to reach-”

“Are you guys trying to get the salad? Here you go.”

“Thank you John. Here you are Alice.”

“Thanks Kate.”

Ding ding ding

Everyone turned to the front of the table. Mark set down his spoon and raised his glass. “I thought it was high time for a toast in honor of our lovely couple’s engagement.”

The friends whooped and clapped. Kate blushed and thanked them profusely. After a moment’s befuddlement, Thomas did the same. “To my beautiful fiancé!” he said, raising his glass high in the air. Everyone laughed.

“Fiancée, dear,” Kate said. 

“That’s what I said.”

“You said fiancé.”

“That’s what I said!” 

Everyone laughed again and raised their glasses too.

“May you be happy and healthy,” Alice said.

“May you get that nice house down by the river,” John said.

“May your favorite team win the league,” Mark said, which earned him a laugh from John and a whoop from Thomas.

“May you have a beautiful wedding and a romantic honeymoon,” Alice said.

“May you never get sick,” John said.

“May you-”

“Can we drink already?” Thomas said. Everyone laughed.

“Amen to that,” Mark said. “To Kate and Thomas!”

“To Kate and Thomas!” everyone echoed and sipped their champagne, though Thomas’s sip was more of a draught.

“And of course,” Alice said, “may the King be happy and healthy as well.”

“May he build a new palace even more wonderful than the last,” John said.

“May his favorite team win the league,” Mark said.

“We have different favorites teams though,” Thomas said. Kate poked him in the ribs and said, “Shush honey!”

“May the King never get sick,” John said.

“If he ever chooses to get married, then may he have the best wedding and the most magical honeymoon,” Alice said.

“We get it,” Thomas said. “Long live the King. Let’s drink!”

“Long live the King,” everyone echoed and took another sip. Thomas set his empty glass onto the table a little too hard.

“So, you two have any exciting plans coming up?” Alice asked.

“We do,” Kate gushed. “We’re going camping next week! Thomas wanted to wait til then to propose, but I accidentally found the ring last month.”

“Can’t hide anything from this woman,” Thomas affectionately said. “From my gorgeous fiancé,” he added. Everyone laughed. “You’re doing it on purpose,” Kate said. 

“Doing what on purpose?” 

Everyone laughed again. Kate shook her head with a smile and continued, “We’ll hike to the falls and up the mountain.”

“The mountain is a maybe,” Thomas said.

“Yeah, we’ll see how we feel. We might hang out in the campground instead.”

“Hang out,” John emphasized, earning a laugh from Thomas and Mark and amused eyerolls from the women.

“Well I hope you two have a great time,” Alice said.

“And I hope the King has a great time should he ever wish to camp,” Mark added.

“Has that man ever camped in his life?” Thomas asked.

“The King,” Kate sharply said, “spends his time however he chooses.”

“We are simply wishing him well,” Alice placated.

“Did you get that promotion?” John asked. Kate winced, but Thomas already started talking. “I did, but it moved me up into the next tax bracket so I’m actually earning less.”

“That’s not how tax brackets work,” Mark said.

“It’s not how they should work, but the King, in all his wisdom-”

"You mean that genuinely, of course,” Kate said.

“The King in all his wisdom structured his ‘Royal Levy’ in such a way that I’m taking home fifteen hundred dollars less this year. And obviously I can’t get unpromoted, so I’m screwed.”

“Luckily, when you get promoted again-”

“Who knows how long that’ll take? Do you know how much I had to work to get this promotion?”

“The King has many expenses,” John said.

“I think we should change the subject,” Alice said.

“I’d be happy to give the King all my money if he wanted me to,” Mark said.

Kate winced and put her hands on Thomas’s arm, but he shrugged her off and snapped, “Happy? Why the hell would you be happy? The man is richer than God and he still wants more!”

“Babe, you don’t mean that,” Kate said.

“The King is more important then religion,” John said.

“The King-”

“Fuck the King!” Thomas yelled. “I hope the King drowns in his Royal Bathtub! I hope the King slits his throat with his Royal Razor! I hope-”

And then he couldn’t speak anymore because the Elephant’s trunk darted forward and coiled around his neck, cutting off his oxygen with a mighty squeeze. The Elephant lifted Thomas into the air, its trunk choking the life out of him. Thomas kicked out against the table, pushing it a few inches and upending his and Kate’s champagne glasses.

“Don’t struggle dear,” Kate said weakly. He made a choking noise in reply. The Elephant lifted him higher and higher, until his head was level with the ceiling. His face started to turn blue.

“You’re not going to kill him, right?” Kate said. She stared at the Elephant for a few moments and then looked at her friends.

“He didn’t mean all that,” John quickly said.

“He was frustrated,” Mark said.

“He was drunk,” Alice explained.

Thomas let out an agonized rattle.

“We’ll cancel our camping trip and donate the money we would have spent to the Royal Treasury,” Kate said.

“We won’t let him drink again,” Alice said.

“Yes, I’ll throw all our alcohol out,” Kate said. “Tonight, as soon as we get home.”

“And he’ll apologize,” Mark suggested.

“We’ll all apologize,” Kate agreed. “We’ll each write a letter to the King apologizing for our roles in tonight’s events and listing all of his magnificent qualities.”

“Kate and Thomas just got engaged,” John said. “Don’t punish them for a silly mistake.”

“Please,” Kate said. 

Silence descended onto the room. Thomas’s eyes were glazed over. His hands hung limply by his side. Kate bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. The others looked at one another, trying to think of another appeal to make. The Elephant waited a moment longer…

…And let Thomas crash back onto his chair.

Kate leaned over. “Babe? Babe, are you OK?”

He didn’t answer. The Elephant’s trunk picked the salad bowl off the table.

“Babe? Are you-”

Thomas gasped and jerked forward, his eyes snapping open. Alice and John and Mark sagged with relief. Kate burst into tears.

“I’m sorry,” Thomas rasped. “I’m sorry. I love the King. All hail the King. The King deserves anything and everything he wants. My happiness is irrelevant compared to his.”

“Should we toast to that?” Mark asked.

“No drinking,” Alice sharply said.

“Of course. I meant water. Is there any…?”

They all looked around the table.

“I must have left it in the kitchen,” Mark said. He glanced towards the kitchen, but of course none of them could squeeze past the Elephant, who had no intention of moving until their allotted dinner time was up.

“No toast then,” John said.

“How about a moment of silence instead?” Alice suggested.

“A moment of silence,” Mark agreed. “Let us all wish for the King’s good fortune and success.”

Everyone closed their eyes. The room was silent, save for Kate’s muffled sobs, Thomas’s still strained breathing, and the Elephant’s munching on the salad.