A chosen prisoner

A chosen prisoner

By C Pitt

December 24^th 2021. This is the happiest day of my life.

After years of waiting, hoping, praying, I am now released from my cage.

The procedure is typical. The crowd watches, observing the prisoners closely. The non-released prisoners watch the released prisoners (or the lucky ones as we are often referred to), slowly getting out of our cells and setting foot into life. Jealousy outlines their poor, tired faces, wondering when is it going to be their turn. I was one of them in the past. Now, my time has come to get my own taste of freedom.

“Goodbye my friends, I tell them. I hope we meet again someday.”

The guards let us pass through the glorious doors, while our families fondly guide us home. There is no greater feeling. I am ready to face the world.

At last, I arrive home. My tiny man greets me with excitement, elated to see me after a vast amount of anticipation. Mom and dad also welcome me with open arms. The food is already prepared for me, pork chop with a side of greens; my favourite. We sit and have breakfast together, like a family. I am the luckiest man in the world.

After breakfast, I go to the garden to play with my little one. He is a blessing in disguise, with his shining eyes full of promise and his pure, innocent heart. My eyes shine in return, reflecting the glorious sun and absorbing the summery breeze of this July morning. I may be getting old, but I am never too old to play with you little one, I think as I watch him laugh, curled up and cuddled in my arms. Although I am not one for words, my feelings are always strong. I hope he realizes my love through my eyes.

We play for a while, and then he decides to guide me to my room. I heard they bought a new bed for me, cushions and bedsheets and all. I am quite picky with my preferences, especially after prison, where the size of the cell was as big as myself. Coming home to fluffy pillows and soft bedsheets is something I will never take for granted. Gratitude is an understatement.

I kiss them all goodnight, mom, dad and the little one, and without realizing my fatigue, go straight to sleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The following months pass by like a breeze. The promising, blooming colours of spring fill my heart with warmth. Prison life is long gone, and I already feel every tiny piece of my life falling gracefully into place. Albeit away for long, I am now growing a strong connection with the little one. Mom and dad take care of him too, and I try to learn from them more. I want to be a better figure for him, to nurture, to protect, to hold. He deserves everything. I don’t say this often, but he is my favourite.

I spend most of my days appreciating my family, while meeting friends and acquaintances. Although I miss my prison friends, I am gradually getting to know my family’s friends, heading out, having dinners and coffees at our place, going for walks and all. Getting out of prison will always require a fresh start, and I have been determined to turn the page since release day. In any case, friends come and go. Family on the other hand… that stays forever.

Time and again, I think about the dreadful day I lost my brother. He was a good sport, always up for hanging out together, supporting me, being there for me. He was as loyal as one can be. One car crash and it’s all gone.

I avoid cars at all costs since that day. I mostly prefer walking anyway. The doctor says I have developed a phobia about cars but I know that my biggest phobia has always been losing my family. I often wonder if I would have gone to prison had it not been for that car crash. They say that sometimes we find ourselves in the wrong places at the wrong time, and I know that to be true. It is not your fault that they found me, dragged me into prison and left me there for years. Please do not blame yourself brother, wherever you are; because whatever happens, you will always be my little brother. Always.

As for you little one, you may not understand it now, but this is the reason I never allow you to get nowhere near the road. You are too young to know about him and too young to spare your life like him. Maybe you will learn about this in a few years.

I, for one, always embodied the protector role. For my family, my friends, strangers even. Although this gives me internal satisfaction, I often wonder how the world would be like if others returned the same kind of love to me. There is still hope.

Six months since release day. Life feels wonderful, almost like the sun warming up the sofa spot where we snuggle. Today we are going on a family trip. The family knows I like surprises, so I am patiently waiting to see our destination. Albeit hesitantly, I step into the car and get comfortable. Mom is driving so I am not scared; I am confident that she is a careful driver, despite her age. We drive for quite some time, passing by green postures, long highways and scenery which catches the eye. Thankfully we brought snacks for the road, a hint that it will be a big drive ahead. I can only admit that I am enjoying this, despite being in the one means of transport I have denied myself of.

Alas, we stop the engine. We get out of the car, all of us together. I step out with considerable relief, let the impeccable heat brush my face like a feather. Are we having a picnic? I turn to look at you, excited to be spending this June afternoon in a valuable way. I see you backing away, your face suddenly emotionless, your eyes distant. Where are you going little one? I turn to mom and dad but they are guiding you towards the car. I am growing perplexed. The engine starts running. My confusion grows into apprehension. Wait.... are you guys…

December 24^th 2022

Was it all a lie?

I remember it like it was yesterday. I arrived home with mom and dad and they called for your name enthusiastically. You arrived with the biggest smile on your face, halfway knowing what the reason was. You saw me and your face lit up immediately, tears of happiness forming in your eyes.

“Thank you! It’s just what I wanted.”, I heard you say to mom and dad.

And for a while, that seemed to be true.

Now, I am covered in mud. My refuge is the big, green bin just a few blocks away from our home. You have abandoned me, and I’ll have to go to prison again. I don’t even know where I want to be. I am not welcome home anymore.

I cannot see the sun nowadays, the bin blocks it. I cannot see the world anymore, you blocked it. It seems that cages take various forms.

I am crying, hoping that someone will hear me, take me in their arms, help me. The worst thing is, even after all you put me through, after all your outstanding love, your caring nature and your conflicting unbothered disposition in the end, I still love you.

I hope you find your own chosen prisoner; I hope you find him and love him forever.