When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Lemon Bundt Cake

Trigger Warnings: Postpartum depression, discord between family members ending in dissolution of parent/child relationship, homophobia, abortion.

Author's Note: I am not a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, this does not reflect my own experience, but unfortunately, this is a journey I envisioned for my character. It does end well though. Also, my parents would not disown me for being a part of the community or for any reason. They would welcome any part of my life as long as I am happy and healthy. Sadly, not all parents will do this and they use God as an excuse to do this. I believe there is a God and you don't have to march in any parade, but disowning your child is also a sin against God. He gave you this gift of life. Let me get off my high horse. I'm straight knighting or whatever you wish to call it. Just think it's messed up that we've had murderers with parents behind them, but golly gee, your kid doesn't want to live a lie. Anyways, enjoy!

Background: When I was a little girl, my mother would bake a phenomenal lemon bundt cake. Her secret was to use lemon zest from a fresh picked lemon out of our very own lemon tree. She used to love to find the best one and wash it, inspect it for bugs and bruises. Anything that wasn’t to her high standards was instantly discarded. I suppose it shouldn’t have surprised me that I met the same fate when I disappointed her. I hid my bruises, bumps, and bugs very well or so I thought until she picked me and saw me raw and reeling from my discovery, tossed me like a defective lemon. 

Our recipes for life didn’t exactly match.

My mother’s recipe for Life:

1 girl 

1 boy

1. Mix well until they fall in love; don’t let any other girl destroy it. Be vicious, be cruel, he’s yours after all. Fight, kick, scratch, don’t be afraid to let the ladylike guard down, he’s the most important thing in your life. 

1. Let them grow together, get married. 
2. Add 1 simple house in baby blue or eggshell white with a white picket fence. If it’s not a pure white, have your new husband paint. Don’t let him choose the color, men aren’t built for colors. They’re built for hard work and bringing home the bacon. You cook, clean, decorate, and if you get a man that’s interested in that stuff, you annul. Better to choose the right man than one that’s coming out of the closet later. Think of the scandal, you didn’t use all the weapons of your beauty and grace to have him leave you for another man. 

Now you have:

1 woman 

1 man

1. Add a dog your first year so you two will know if you’re ready for kids. A puppy will challenge you, but you’ll love it. It’ll grow into a loyal protector, much like your husband did. 

When you’re ready:

Add 1 baby

1. Make sure the bun in the oven is protected and loved. You want this baby to come out perfect or something close to it. 
2. Have the baby, hopefully everything goes well but if not, that’s why there’s hospitals after all. 

First baby is a boy with a strong jaw like his daddy and fair hair like his mommy. He cries and screams, and Mommy is tired. Daddy works and then screams at Mommy when he gets home, and the house is a mess. You should do better at cleaning, at being a mother. What is wrong with you? You just feel blah, this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. 

You go to the doctor at your husband’s insistence, and he prescribes “happy pills”. He tries to pry everything out of you, about how much you regret marriage and especially this kid. This is what you wanted so clamp it. You take the pills and don’t discuss your true feelings. You both chalk it up to postpartum depression. You’re not one of those women who feels like drowning an innocent baby so you should be ok, right?

Baby gets older, pills help ease the harder times. Time for another one.

1. Add another baby. Pray it’s a girl who doesn’t have colic like your son did. 

It’s a girl! The birth is easier, and she mostly sleeps, but you still have your pills to help when she’s fussing. 

Your son is jealous and tries to hit her repeatedly, but you stop it and tell him he’s the big brother. He needs to protect her. 

He takes it seriously and loves her. 

Things are good.

1. Life is good. Time for your husband to screw it up. 
2. Add a new woman at work. Her name is Riley, a slut’s name if you’re asked your opinion. You’re not and your husband accuses you of being jealous. Riley is funny and young, she’s not jealous. Well, she’s 20 something, her breasts are perkier than yours and she’s not had two kids. 
3. You meet Riley at a work function. She’s indeed pretty and perky. You “accidentally” spill wine on her before coming home drunk and scaring your two kids with your barely contained inebriated accusations. 
4. Your husband denies it because of course he does. He’d get taken to court for half his money and you didn’t marry a moron. A careless liar, but not a moron. 
5. Riley stays and the years go by. 
6. Your kids are in high school and they’re both gorgeous. They are a mix of you and your husband in looks and temper. Your daughter is a straight A student, and your son is a star athlete. Both looking forward to scholarships. 
7. Riley gets pregnant and your husband threatens to leave you. 

You tell him if he leaves, you have proof of adultery. You will take him to court and massacre him with your lawyer. He stays. Good thing too because Riley is paid by you to take care of the problem. She accepts after you tell her what it’s really like to have kids and what it does to your figure. 

1. Kids go to college and your husband talks about traveling now. You smile. This is your reward for all the tough times, your lemon bundt cake. It took so long to craft your cake, but it’s time to eat. 

My recipe:

2 girls 

1. Let them fall in love and come out to society. 
2. Fight with your family about being a disappointment. What happened to your parents’ plans for you? You should marry a rich GUY and have his brood. 
3. Tell them it’s your life and you’ve already lived a lie for too long. 
4. They disown you and you move in with your girlfriend way too early.
5. She gives you unconditional love and reassurance that your parents suck. You chuckle and know it’s true. 
6. Adopt some kids or cats. Whatever makes you happier. 
7. Live your life with love and support in mind. 

With 7 simple steps, you have your perfect lemon bundt cake. 

Society has its own standards, but you have one life to live. 

Live it with love.