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It was finally time. Today was the day I would kill someone. That may seem terrible but, trust me they deserve it. They're always causing problems, Annoying to everyone around them ,and no one likes them. I’ll take them to the rooftop of the Chicago Cultural Center. You might be wondering who this person is. I guess you’ll figure it out when the time comes. Well. I guess it’s time. I slip on my slides and walk out the door not bothering to lock it. It’s not like it matters now. I have so many thoughts floating through my head ,but it’s like they’re blurry. I can’t quite grasp them. Almost like they’re taunting and the only thought I can make out is I don’t understand. It’s all confusing and when I even begin to try to sort out my thoughts I feel like one more second and I’ll cry. I’ll just burst into tears. The thought of murder. It’s incomprehensible ,but somehow I plan to go through with it. It’s my only choice isn’t it? This is my only option. I promised myself today was the day. If i’m going to do it. I mean when I do it. I mean today. Today. It will be today. It has to. If not today when? It has to be now. If I think of it any longer. I don’t know. I don’t know if I could do it. I don’t know if I could do it now either ,but I have to don’t I? I have no other option. What if when the time comes I can’t? I have to. I can’t back out once I get that far and I have to get that far. I decide to walk. My last walk through the city. I want to enjoy it and take it all in because after this walk. I don’t know. After this murder. I won’t have a life. Commiting a murder it means the end. I can’t get away with it. It won’t take them long to find out. They’ll know I did it. I need to take a moment to myself. To clear my head ,so I sit on the steps. The front steps of the Chicago Cultural Center. I sit there on the steps.My head in my hands. Slightly tilting back and forth. Trying to comfort myself. It’s okay. I’ll be okay. This will make things better. I mean they do deserve this, right? Where’s my mind? At this point there isn’t anything I’m sure of. I’m sure the people walking by are wondering what i’m doing ,but I don’t care. Except I do. I always do. That’s the problem isn’t it? Well, there’s quite a bit more to it. That’s one of many problems though. I look up. I remind myself I need to take this in. Take in all the beauty of the city. It might be my last chance. It is my last chance. I can see my short breaths in the air. The water vapor in my breath condensed into the droplets I see. Like fog in the air. Like the fog in my mind making it so hard to think. I slide my hands down the sides of my head feeling my hair slip through my fingers. I stop at my ears holding my hands there. Holding my head up. I take out my phone and go to settings removing my passcode so they can open it when they find it. Then I open my contacts and go to favorites. I click the only one there. Mom. I go to push calland pause. Am I really doing this? Yes. I take in a deep breath. Then breathe it out watching it go into the air and quickly disperse gone within a moment. I push call. It dials for a few seconds then I hear her voice.”Odette?” It’s always comforting. It soothes me and makes everything feel better. “ I ju-“ I  start to answer and can’t. My voice catches and I feel it roll down my face. Running within the groove of my nose and stopping at my lips. I sniffle and open my mouth to answer tasting the saltiness of my tear. “ I just wanted to hear your voice mom.” “Sweety? Are you alright?” “Everything Is okay mom. I just.” “ You just what? Are you crying?” “No it’s alright mom. I just, Nevermind. I just have to go mom okay?” “Okay ,but if you need anything at all and you know I mean anything even just to talk I’m always here it doesn't matter when or where you know I’m always here for you baby. I love you” “I love you mom.” I quickly up the call as I feel the tears begin streaming down my face. Slowly ,but I can feel the pain of each individual one. Like it’s burning into my skin forever there to show the pain. Even if it isn’t visibly there I’ll always feel it for however long always is. I open notes and begin to write my mother a letter but I can’t. It’s 6:53 and it closes at 7. I don;t think all the time in the world would be enough for me to write her a letter and I know 7 minutes isn’t. I close out the tabs open on my phone and turn it off. I sit it on the steps beside me for her. Then I try to breathe even though I feel like my lungs are filled with water. Like I’m drowning. I am in a way. In a few actually. My thoughts, my confusion, all the other things I can’t find the words for. I stand up not bothering to wipe the tears from my face and slowly work my way up the steps. The world around me blurred from the tears still in my eyes. I open the front door and go in. As I go through the entrance I try to absorb every detail ,but I can’t nothing is really being processed. I already have to much on my mind to take in any more. I work my way up the stairs to the rooftop. I feel numb like nothing means anything. My mind to broken to feel. I open the door and feel the cold air cut through me. I guess I’m not completely numb. I walk to the edge and sit down. I’m sure you know by now. It’s me. I’m the person I’m killing. I’m going to kill myself. Suicide or murder however you would like to put it. I’m going to do it. I’m going to jump off this building. I want to see the world as I leave it. I want to stars to be the last thing I see. I lay there trying to prepare myself for this moment. That’s when the fog clears. I’m not sure if it is the bone chilling air. Seeping into me and my mind. Maybe the night sky the delicate beauty of life that I’m taking for granted. It could also be the emptiness I feel right now. The numbness of all my pain clearing my mind. Likely all of those things and more. However, now that my mind is clear I can think again. I think of my mother. The way her voice just made me feel better. It didn’t make everything go away ,but It’s is a start. If I have a start, an option, or somewhere to go I can’t end it. Not yet. I can try and I know I can’t do this to her. I can’t leave her to feel how I do or have her question it all. I could never put that on her. I refuse to hurt her like that. There are other people too ,but it wouldn’t hit them the same way it would her. I sit up. I feel so light. Of course all the weight isn’t gone ,but I don’t feel such an intense confusion. The feeling that nothing can ever be right. I begin to sway my legs and enjoy the breeze. Starring at the city lights. The beauty of it all and I have this indescribable happy inside me. A blurry light. A city light that looks like a star glowing inside me. Reassuring me. Then I feel a slipping. Just then my show falls off to the ground. I imagine that being me. Free falling to the ground for my body to shatter on the concrete ,but it doesn’t. My shoe doesn’t hit the ground. It hits a man on the head. He looks up and sees me. I’m probably barely a speck in the sky like the stars. I hear him call out and manage to make out what he says. “ Wait right there.” He picks up the shoe and enters the building. I began to worry. I hope he isn’t mad. I knew I shouldn’t have worn those. Even with my socks my feet were cold. I wait in anticipation of what he’ll say. Finally he comes through the door. “ Hello ma’am, This wouldn’t happen to be your shoe would it?” “ Yes, It;s mine. I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to. I would never do that on purpose.” He smiles sweetly and I wonder what is going through his mind. He reaches his arm out for me to take his hand. I grab his cold hand and let him help me up. He then gets on one knee and says “ may I?” I take a moment to realize what he means then see him holding out my shoe. I slip my foot in and he stands back up. “I’m sorry I never caught your name” He calmly inhales and exhales taking in a deep breath. “ Isn’t it nice up here?” “Um yes it is very nice out tonight. Would you mind telling me your name?” “ I wouldn’t mind at all. My name is mark, and yours?” I smile at how mannerly he is.”Odette. Are you sure you don’t mind? I’m really sorry for your troubles.” He steps closer to me.”Why would I? “ I feel a light pressure on my shoulders and realize what he did. I feel myself fall and look forward in time to see him smirk. I fall backwards off of the building looking up at the sky and seeing the blur of stars. The tears flow down me as I fall in a rush towards the ground. I don’t even have time to be scared or to think of all the things I want to think about. Then it seems like forever and not even half a second at the same time when It all goes black.