Fighting Karens

This past year I have been seeing so many Karens all over social media. Every time that I watched one of their videos, my eyes were literally about to explode, and so did my brain. Every time, I was like, damn, I wish I had a power that could eliminate all Karens of this world, so that I could make this world a better place for everyone. That day, though, I had no idea what was about happen, and it shocked me for good. 

May 13th 2020

I was at the Taco Bell restaurant, wanting to get some food, because I was really hungry. All of a sudden I noticed that right in front of me there was a Karen, and I immediately understood that it would take a longer time for me to get my food, due to that woman. 

How did I know she was a Karen? Well, let’s just say, besides the fact that she had the right haircut, the right outfit and the right look, all of a sudden she started yelling and shouting at the poor guy who served her the food, because it didn’t have enough sauce in it. He called him names, that I don’t even want to express right here, he degraded him so much, and at the end she asked for the manager to come. 

As I said, I was waiting in line and was right behind her. My blood started boiling at that time, because she was causing a scene for no apparent reason, and she was holding up the line, when I was really hungry to listen to her. 

Suddenly it happened. I rose up from the ground, and a light came inside me, that made my whole body glow, especially in my eyes and mouth, they became golden, before I landed on the floor again safe and sound. Everybody was looking at me now, including this Karen and were whispering, like the demon was inside me or something.

I was so shocked, I didn’t know what had happened, before it actually hit me. Karen had stopped talking and actually walked away, without saying another curse at the staff members, or anyone else. I had the NonKaren power, which means that I can face a Karen and win the battle, plus, I saw two cops arresting that woman and taking her at the police station, so apparently, I can arrest these Karens too, without them even knowing it was me. 

Today

I didn’t have to use my power much, because I wasn’t facing many Karens in my way, but today it was my biggest hit of them all. 

So I was just walking down the street, calmly, listening to my music on my iPod, and right next to me was the beach. It was sunny and beautiful, and it gave such a positive vibe. 

Sadly, a Karen had to ruin that for me, and not just me, an entire group of people. There was a group of black people who were just playing around with their beach balls, their tennis rackets, and just chilling and hanging out, when all of a sudden a Karen appeared out of nowhere. Of course, I stayed because I was shocked at what was I seeing. 

She came over to them and started saying that what they’re doing is illegal and that they should leave from there. Of course, nobody listened to her, and they tried to avoid her by continue playing, but Karen wasn’t going to leave it there. 

She started yelling like a maniac, saying what they were doing was illegal, how she would call the cops to confront them somehow. She got out her cell phone and dialed 911.

That was, then, my time to intervene. I told her to put her phone down, or else I’d break it. She didn’t listen to me at first, and then I did exactly what I said to her, I grabbed her phone and smashed it in the sand with my foot. She then started cursing me, calling me a shame and how I am on the wrong side there, etc. 

I told her to shut up and to leave, before I get the cops on her. She was shocked. She’s like “call the cops on me? I didn’t do anything wrong, they are the ones who are breaking the rules by being here” and more things like that. 

I told her she was a racist and a sad woman who just causes trouble for no reason at all, and then I warned her one more time that I would get the cops on her. Sadly for her, but good for us, she didn’t leave, and after 3 minutes of her yelling and calling the group different names, 2 police officers came and grabbed her. She never saw that coming, because she never saw me calling 911. 

She is now serving 2 years in jail for harassment and hate speech, due to these wonderful powers of mine, otherwise she could still be out there, roaming the streets and yelling at people, because she’s racist. In her statement she said she’s not racist, because she has black friends and she had sex with a black man, which the whole world laughed with it, since it became a news story. All social media had her face on them, making a lot of people being against her, but some others were with her, probably the same Karens and Kevins. 

My superpower is fighting those Karens, not physically, but they will get a good punishment. 

Since that day, I started seeing a lot more of them on the streets, in the supermarkets, at the gyms, at the beaches, at parks calling a woman names because she took the whole place for herself, while she could literally go from another way, or just ask the woman politely to pass. I confronted almost all of them, and as long as I meet those Karens in my way, that are being rude to people, being racist, homophobic, and yelling at the people who work at restaurants, I will be eliminating them from the streets and they will be facing jail, depending on what they did or said. I managed to make one Karen to go for 6 years in jail, because she was also being somewhat aggressive, and another one 5 years for spitting at a child because he wasn’t white. 

So, watch out Karens, because there is a person now that is facing all of you, and if you come in my way, you will be facing jail for a while, and I bet you wouldn't like that to happen.

Let's stop these Karens, for a safer world.