Counting by the Second

CW: Teenagers dying, something that resembles suicidal thoughts (sorry I didn't know what else to put, see authors note in comments if unsure).

In a cell with two other people, you learned many, many things, but only one thing stuck with you.

You were made to be destroyed, by the hands of your creators, you would be locked up, and eventually, killed. There was a timer, a ticking clock dictating how many times you would be allowed to breathe. Laugh at a joke. Smile at a friend, each of you only had so long to live. The timer on the ceiling of the cell was the tell for this, it clicked down each second. It's been there since you were born, and it will be there when you die.

Nobody told you how you got there. Nobody knows how anyone got there, but that was alright because you get used to it.

When you turn seventeen, along with Mallie and Andrinia, the clock reaches 3,600 seconds. Nobody ever told you what happened when it hit zero, but you have no problem guessing.

When that clock reaches zero you are going to die.

Mallie and Andrinia know it too. They’re both awake, smiling at each other and laughing. You laugh too, happy to be with them. They’re your family, even though you all look different, they’re you’re family.

You remember when you first showed up here. Six years old, developed enough to talk, and empty enough to remember nothing more.

You remember confusion, then acceptance. You remember a thousand whispered words between the two girls you exist with. You remember forgetting what a lick of sun feels like on your face. You remember not minding when you forget what life was like.

You remember that on the same day every year, the same piece of paper would slip into your room with the note saying you and the other girls in the room have aged another year and a small update on the outside.

You remember tears, joy, and living life to your fullest. You don’t know why you’re here, or where here is, but you’re okay with it. Nobody’s hurt you here, you’ve made two good friends, and you’re okay with dying now. Besides, you’ve already reached seventeen, imagine the people who don’t get to reach seventeen. You’re convinced this, this is an accomplishment. You’re told about the decaying world, and the population control being done, the notes promise you are not a victim of this, and you believe it. You remember that seventeen is a gift for those in the world out of the isolation, you are gifted. 

You are happy, even though you have less than an hour to live.

You are at peace with your death, even though it’s come before you’re eighteen, or before you get a chance to remember the way the sun feels on your face or the way the wind tugs loose hairs.

You smile as the clock ticks down, down, and down. Now you’re at 2,000 seconds. You talk to Mallie and Andrinia. None of you talk about the clock because you don’t need to.

You’re all dying, and you all know there is nothing you can do to stop it. Yet, there was an understanding that you were all dying together, and that made all the difference. 

When the clock ticks down to 1,000 seconds, water starts trickling into the cell with no bars, no windows, and nowhere for the water to escape. You smile as it pools, creeping towards your bare feet as the three of you giggle and ignore the inevitable.

Not because you don’t believe it, but because you don’t mind, seventeen is a wonderful age to go out on.

So the clock ticks down, down and down as you curl up with the other two girls and rest your head on one of their shoulders, because it’s much more comfortable. 

You’re okay with this. You’re not afraid as the water creeps up to your stomach, so you stand up.

The other girls do too, smiling at each other, you bring your head under the water and open your eyes.

The sting of the water surprises you, but you don’t close your eyes. This pain is small, a fair trade-off for the beauty you see.

The plain walls are twisted and more beautiful by the blur the water causes, Mallies blue eyes seem a little bluer under the water, Andrinia’s brown eyes look more rich. You smile broadly as the clock keeps ticking, resurfacing when you run out of breath.

The water is still creeping up, reaching the ceiling quicker as you and the other two girls dive back into the water again and again, living, truly living in a way you didn’t know was possible.

Yet, even as life dances around you, filling you with the joy of possibility, you’re still not sad that you are going to die. You decide, if you had to choose a way to die, it would be this way. With the silken feeling of water holding you as you left this realm, surrounded by the people you loved most. Yes, this is a good way to go, you decide. Even now when you know just how much you’ve missed, you decide this is the way you want to die.

You resurface again, speaking softly. 

“This is wonderful.” You whisper.

“Yes,” Andrinia whispers back, her hair soaked.

“Where do you go, after you die?” Mallie asks, smiling up as she floats on her back, only a foot away from the ceiling. 

“I’m not sure.” You say softly. “Nobody ever told me.”

“Are you scared?” Andrinia asked.

Both you and Mallie say no, Andrinia agrees. You decide to float on your back as well, you are so utterly overjoyed as the water moves you softly, holding you like you might be flying.

When the room is almost completely filled, you hear a soft, soothing voice that doesn’t belong to anyone you know, yet you welcome it. Happy to meet a new friend.

“Five seconds until the end.” It says softly, easily making it through the water to your ears. Yet it's not loud.

You smile at the other two girls as the voice continues counting down. Drowning is a surreal thing, being completely swallowed and smothered by the one thing that keeps you alive. Floating, suspended in space as your soul leaves the world.

“One second until the end.” The voice says.

As the water swallows your head, dragging you under, you manage to get one word out of your mouth, it's spoken softly, with the care and tenderness of someone who hasn’t seen the cruelties of the world, spoken by someone to ignorant to understand they were a victim.

“Goodbye.”

As the end approaches and your eyes close, as life fades from your body, blending with the surrounding water. You smile ever so slightly, completely at peace with yourself.