The Feelings She Never Confessed

Submitted into Contest #28 in response to: Write about a secret that you’ve never told to the person you love.... view prompt

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Creative Nonfiction

There he is, standing in front of her. He is holding a big bouquet of flowers to give to her.  “What could this mean? Does he love me?” she is thinking to herself. Their relationship has really been going anywhere, so this is a big step for him and her.  

“The flowers are so pretty, Thank You,” she says to him and gives him a hug. They then both walked to the back where they were having the cast party. She went to hang out with her friends and he helped with the striking of the set.  

She smiles bigger then she has smiled in a while. The flowers were so pretty and he even tried to get ones in her favorite colors, blue and purple. There are many different kinds of flowers, Sunflowers, roses, daisies, and even camellias.  

She is leaving soon so she gives him a hug and he follows her out. They say their goodbyes as they will not be seeing each other for a week or so as she is leaving for Connecticut tomorrow and he is going away for camp.

She wants to kiss him but there too many people around, but there were also things she wants to tell him. She wants to tell him she loves him but she feels its to soon. She also doesn’t know how he may react to this. Not that she would wish for him to say it back or anything, she just doesn't know how he would feel. She loves him and wants him to be happy.  

After she leaves she debates if she should invite him to the beach because her dad had told her that after she got in the car. She felt that it was too “last-minute” seeing as they were about to leave very soon.  She knows she should but she’s scared of asking him. Don’t see why as she is his girlfriend but this is her first relationship and she doesn't fully understand he’s not going to let the weight of the relationship only be held on by him.

She is resting at the beach because she has little desire to go in the water and she is also expecting him to text her soon. He always texts her at some time when she is at the beach, not because she tells him, he just always remembers to text her, check-in if you will. 

That’s one of the many things she likes about him, he’s reliable. Shortly after she checks her phone. There reads a text “hey”. She sees it a little while after he texted her but she usually doesn’t see them right away. 

It's been a little while and he still hasn't answered which scares her because he always answers within a ten-minute span if that. She loves that. At this point, she has taken a shower, changed, eaten dinner, and even watched some television and he has yet to respond. 

It was now eight and he texted her at 5 earlier that day but she just keeps telling herself that it was because he was busy or something in that era. 

She was just about to put on her pajamas when she hears a noise and sees the light from her phone come on. She smiles that quirky smiles she gets when he texts her and opens her phone to read a text that reads” We need to talk”. She feels her stomach drop, her heart starts racing. But she still doesn't let this bother her, “It can’t be, that's how it is in the movies but not now.” she thinks to herself. She texts back “Okay, what about?”. She starts pacing around waiting, watching for him to text back. 

She sees the notification bubbles come up from the bottom of the screen followed by a text that reads “Our relationship” She feels her heart stop, “Wait, no, no, no. This is not happening. Our relationship has kinda been on the edge so maybe we just need to work through it? It's fine… we're fine.” shes thinks to herself. 

She's scared and doesn't know how to answer so she just waited for what was upcoming. “I think our relationship isn’t going anywhere and to me, it just seems like a chore at this point.” he texted back. He continues” With the hey, how was your day? What did you do? Goodnight. It's always the same, I just what something where it wouldn’t be as forced.” at this point she is in the corner of her room crying. 

She throws her phone because she is upset even though he hasn't really even ended things. After a minute or two, she calms down a little bit and picks up her phone where she finds his name once more on her screen. “You should know that I hate the time of this and the way that it's done but there's never a right time and with you going to Connecticut it would have to wait until you got back.” she starts crying once more, she is sitting by her dresser. 

Her face is wet and her feelings are hurt. “And I am sorry and we can still be friends but I think we should drop the title of girlfriend and boyfriend.” It was as if her heart has stopped and broken into two.

 “Gonna do some laundry, try to be quick,” he says after a few minutes of her not saying anything. She looks at her phone still heartbroken and hurt but confused as to why he would say that like it was nothing. Obviously, he shouldn’t just stop everything but why he says that. 

 There aren’t any words she could put together to emphasize how she feels. She needs time to cool off, it just isn’t the right time for this even though they’re probably never is. 

She thinks for a second and the only words she could put together was, “I don’t know what to say. In a way, I agree and absolutely what to still be friends with you. I love hanging out with you and I’m sorry I wasn’t your ideal girlfriend and maybe there won’t be as much pressure.” she only actually means half of what she has said. 

She wants to be with him more than anything, she doesn't it to end.”Yeah, I just want to relive some pressure between us even though I know we probably won’t talk very much.” it hits her, the thought that he won’t be texting her or they won’t be hanging out. She feels like her whole source of happiness was just cut off but all she can do is cope for which there was nothing left to do, although that was the one thing she would have the most trouble doing. 

He will never know how much she appreciated him or the love she felt for him. She never had a chance to say it because she was too closed in. if only he would have really known how she feels than she would probably still be with him and this would have been avoided or maybe not. This will infest her thoughts for which she will try her hardest to deal with it. She will regret the things of which she had never told him. 

February 13, 2020 02:25

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1 comment

02:43 Jul 28, 2020

I enjoyed this story..I could actually feel the tension and everything. It was like I could feel my own heart beating😂. I loved it!


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