I Love You, Soul

What is a soul made of? Is it stardust, or the gravity of sorrow in our hearts? Is it a spark of pure energy, or the spring in our step? To say it is merely a figment of abstract proportions would be dismissive of the importance of life and death itself. Though we cannot reach through the veil of physicality, we must admit that the souls inside of each of us have their own unique magic and whimsy that bless us partially, fairly or not, from each other. 

In this story, this soul is the first and only of its kind. 

Hana came into existence in a distant galaxy over the span of a million or so years, though no one knows her true origins. Much of Hana´s adolescence was spent wandering space. Through journeying, time and time again it was proved that no matter where she looked, there was no thing in existence quite like her. After spending a time alone, a longing to find another to share with began stirring. She scoured planets, even the recesses of space near the hottest stars and in the rings of turbulent gas giants to find life – but to no avail; Until fatefully arriving at our solar arrangement of 9 planets. 

The search began at the sphere farthest from all the others. It was brilliantly colored – like a mosaic you could picture on the windows of a church cathedral. As Hana examined from afar, the blue hue of the atmosphere seemed to draw her forward. Below, on the surface, there was a cardinal red snow topping the milky plains and rocky mountains. Beginning to probe the face of the planet, the bitter cold crept through the air around her, making her squirm though she had no skin to wiggle in. Eventually, believing that no living thing could exist in such conditions, the decision was made to give up the search. As Hana was departing, she gave the planet one last glance, but something caught her attention, and she felt a wave of warmth rise from her chest to her crimson ears. 

An ice cap, marking the plane of the surface, was glistening in the light of the far away sun. Something about the likeness of the glacier made her feel warm, a stark contrast to the bitter cold she had felt just before. Looking beyond the curve of the atmosphere, Hana grasped the image of a moon, similar in size to this sphere. Gravity pulled them together, fashioning an eternal dance between the two. 

The warmth from the moment before began running cold. She didn't understand the shift in emotion as anything, but we as humans would call this feeling bitterness, as she swiftly left the scene behind. 

Closer to the sun, spying the numerous planets of crimson and sunset orange, she found our lovely planet. Marbled with cool blue and vibrant green, the sight of land enticed Hana. 

Birdsong could be heard in the wind. Tiny birds chittered as they peered at her from the sky. Bugs slithered beneath her feet. The weeds and grass swished around her ankles, sounding of soft whispers. Creatures grunted and ate from the stalks above – their black and white patched fluff giving them a soft appearance as they clung tightly to the trees. Winged insects glided past as if carried effortlessly by the wind. She found a stream that led to an opening that contained fish. They scattered, but they were fluorescently colored and their fins glinted in the hot sun. The clouds in the sky were shifting, providing enough shade to tint the earth with dancing shadows as they blew away to the horizon. 

The path Hana followed came out to a sea of sparkling blue. The winds from the water swept in towards land and picked up suddenly. It was numbing, but Hana´s every sense became sharp when she heard a voice in the breeze. She couldn't quite make out what it said, or if it was just a figment of her imagination, so she kept moving. Going back on the path, the winds continued to wail and bend the trees. 

And it grew, forcing her to hold close to the earth. Huddled on the forest floor, the wind rose like a crescendo as it began howling – diving and changing direction trying to topple her over. 

Then silence. 

When a voice sounded a small distance away, her eyes snapped open. It was as light as a bell, yet it seemed deafening in the silence. You´re new here - welcome. 

Hana called out a near-silent "hello," while slowly circling where she stood, searching for the source of the sound. There was no one and nothing in sight. 

"Don´t be afraid, it will only make it awkward. What's your name?"

"Hana," again said so softly the wind nearly stole it as it parted from her lips. "Yours?"

"I'm just me," it replied plainly - though there was a hint of playfulness in between their words, the kind of tone that gives away the smile a person has as they speak. 

"Okay, 'just me' – this is obvious, but I can't see where you are - and what´s so amusing?¨ It made Hana quite uncomfortable to be in this position with this unseen whatever it was. 

There was another twinkle, this time a laugh even lighter than the voice´s words. It was just loud enough to feel it vibrating in the air, but it was not such a sound that you could grasp for very long before it evaporated into space. Then a gust of wind appeared and upended the leaves on the forest floor. They began molding a form as if they were sticking to an invisible tree coated with sugary sap. 

"I´m here," it said as it took a step. "And I just find you interesting. I´ve never seen anything quite like you before." With each phrase, it paced towards Hana. Only a few feet away, the leaves disjointed, falling flatly to the ground from whence they came. 

"So…you're like me…" Hana suggested, still shifting in place from her uneasiness.

"Correct. Only in the slightest, however. I like to think of myself as a creator…Would you like to see some of my pieces of work?¨ it asked. Hana could feel the proximity between them – the space it took up in the particles around her. She barely nodded before a whirlwind of air pushed her down the path towards an opening ahead. 

—

Most of these inventions it spoke of were the animals Hana had seen upon her arrival. "The process of creation," as it put it, consisted of concentrating particles of energy into a construction of an image from its imagination. After the invention of the fuzzballs in the trees, it thought the sky seemed quite boring, so then came the birds. As well as every other animal, there was a matching plant or tree. It presented everything as though explaining a very winding and eccentric family tree. Which made sense, because it planned not a single thing. It simply existed and so made things exist in return. Like a jack in a box - after a time had elapsed, the absence of the space was filled suddenly and surprisingly, though you know the surprise was coming. 

As Hana and the non-being spoke day and night, a thought began sprouting within its thoughts. As experimental as it was, it wondered if it may be able to make Hana a physical form. Time passed and the thought outgrew its patience and control. The ideas' roots sprawled deeply in its consciousness until enough was enough. It just had to know. 

I would say curiosity killed the cat, but they were yet to be invented. So – curiosity was the sea to land farers – a beauty that could bring other like pleasures to the surface – but a deep pool of regret and danger if one did not practice reserve.  

To its surprise, Hana was just as eager to indulge in her fantasies. So, the work began one early morning, just as the dew was beginning to dampen the air. She was led to the sea and stood firm, the sand yielding to her weight. And there Hana perched. Closing her eyes as it instructed, a shift began – multiple, really. 

The first she felt was a buzzing in the air. The particles squirmed frantically like they were being squeezed between two large invisible hands. Then the wind began undulating - flowing this way, then the other - from above and diving upward from below. Finally, the sand beneath her feet began to feed up her translucent body. A cast began forming over her frame, but it was not a fantastic new existence once the molding was complete. 

Immediately, a simmering heat ate at her ankles from the sand. The salt of the sea stung her nose, and gravity dug into her like she was a sack of potatoes. The harvest of the non-beings efforts had been impressive, to say the least – this was the creation of the human being, after all. Hana acknowledged this as well, but her newfound suffering was telling her otherwise. 

"It's just a survival instinct your brain has created - I call it pain."

"How do I stop it?" Hana asked, quite literally gasping for breath. Concentrating so fiercely on the feeling, she´d forgotten to breathe, which only contributed to her pain an ache that grasped her so tightly, her vision began to spin.

—

When she woke, again gasping irregularly, there was a new pang of impulse within her. A rumble erupted from her stomach. "Hunger," it whispered. 

For days on end, Hana ate anything and everything to satiate the feeling. She found it quite annoying that she'd gone from a carefree existence to one of duty and self-preservation. So much work went into being this human thing. Yet, she had agreed to this experiment. As she grew used to the many pangs and limits of her body, a new impulse raced within her.

All of the thoughts she´d had before the transformation were still within her, though her ability to relate to the "creator" waxed and waned as time went on. A sourness began imprinting her mind - stamping every waking moment of her existence with negative thoughts of loneliness and a need for a commonality. Just one living conscious being of her own who felt exactly as she did, though she wished this pain on no one, just to relieve herself of the burden of pent-up emotion. To let go. 

Seeing this change in Hana, it took the initiative and began creating others in her image. Though they were made from her mold, everyone that came along from that point onward was just as complicatedly different. Totally distinguishable and unpredictable in how they would grow into their consciousness. 

This of course provided entertainment, but their mere presence did not fill that void within her as she had hoped. No matter how much she spilled her heart out into the universe, the answer was always silent. Speaking to the others felt nearly the same – she sensed their falseness towards her. Their insincere sincerity poisoned her mood for company, so again the need for something more was felt like an ache in her soul. But what? What else could there possibly be to find?

The population of humans steadily grew. Tides came and went. To cope with her loneliness, Hana ironically isolated herself, spending her days at the beach. Even when winter came, and the typically rough ocean winds bit at her skin, she stood clear and watched out to the horizon. At dawn until sunset had passed she would stay. The curve of the horizon reminded her of her time wandering the universe. She continually reminisced about that planet on the edge of our solar system. The heart-shaped glacier, the eternal dance with its moon. 

Since she came to this planet and became human, the search for that warmth she´d felt then became even more desperate. Yet, no matter the amount of effort, nothing was to be found that could fill that missing piece in her. 

One day, as Hana stepped along the waves, simply watching as the water splashed up against her legs, she spotted another human along the beach. They were so far away, she thought it must only be a shadow. None of the others came here alone. They always stayed together inland. 

As the days went forward, however, the figure continued to visit, never accompanied by anyone else. Hana wasn't sure she'd ever met them personally, she´d been isolated for so long. As she distractedly watched the sunrise one early morning, she felt a sudden tug. It was quite violent really – more like a sharp shove that threw her off balance. The tug became a pull, and the pull became a push. Resisting caused an ache within Hana's bones as if they would splinter if she didn't comply. 

There was no equilibrium. If Hana complied with the pull, it would push. If she resisted the push, it would pull. The whole ordeal was extremely nauseating. Eventually, she saw the same figure in the distance and he seemed to be struggling just the same. The tug of war ended as they were only a few feet apart. Only standing and peering at one another from a distance. 

After some time, the man stepped forward. Hana mirrored him, and step after step they circled, revolving around the other – mirroring the dance of that faraway planet and its companion moon. 

One reached their hand out. There was a buzz, then a rush of heat in the air. They touched and looked to the horizon. Then they vanished. The sand the creator had used to mold their bodies recycled into the sea – washing them out into the waves towards the horizon. 

—

Souls are the reason we live for the future, a purpose, and for love. Souls carry all the parts of us that make us magnificent in the eyes of the maker. They’re what make us invaluable. Extremely indispensable. Uniquely unforgettable. Souls give us the ability to feel as high and low as heaven and hell. The ability to lead a life with passion. The very thing that binds all of us together as human beings. We find purpose as we move through each stage of our life. They are ever-changing and unique to each individual, but in the end, the way we loved, the way we shared, and the way we persisted are all that remain when we die. After all, it is said that we are born to die; But might I add – we are also born to love. 

So whether our souls are made of stardust or magic, We acknowledge the impact we have on our world: our people, our loves, everything. That is how we remain when we die. 

And Hana remains. Indefinitely gazing upon the horizon in her eternal sleep – only we know she's still dreaming.