The man was already half in love with her before she even said his name.
"Danny," she drawled, letting the syllables melt like rum over ice. "You smell like driftwood and other people's mistakes."
He laughed too quickly — shoulders tight, eyes flickering like they'd misread something. A laugh that begged: please, let this stay simple.
She leaned in, close enough for him to catch the synthetic coconut oil in her hair — not the kind from real fruit, the kind that lingered like a dare. His eyes dropped to her neckline. Habit, not hunger.
Danny was used to women folding into flattery, shrinking into what he needed. This time, she let him look. That was enough.
#
The beach bar hadn't been killed by tourists yet. Old planks, sun-bleached signage, yellow Christmas lights sagging from the rafters. The air held salt-warped wood, spilled beer, sweat, and something sweeter underneath — overripe fruit or rot.
Outside, mangroves stood like sentinels in the shallows, their tangled roots clutching at the muddy shore. The water beyond was Navy blue in the fading light, almost black where it met the horizon.
Jane wore a thin white tank, no bra, loose hair, and a smile that said: I'll let you ruin something if it's worth watching.
She wasn't there to drink. She was there for twenty kilos of coke that had vanished from a Langston shipment three weeks earlier. She didn't ask. She didn't need to.
Her stomach twisted — not from nerves, but from the slow burn of being handed another mess. Irritation clung like humidity, thick and sour. She'd played this role before — her father's favorite weapon: beautiful, quiet, disposable.
She remembered his hands on her shoulders at sixteen, positioning her at the end of a long table of men. "Smile," he'd whispered. "But not too much." The first time she'd understood what she was to him.
Danny LaRoche worked boats, freight, and shadow routes. He wasn't stupid. He just thought he was invisible. That was worse.
His fingers tapped a rhythm against his glass — three quick, one slow. A sailor's habit. He'd grown up on his uncle's fishing boat, learned every inlet from here to Havana. The same skills that made him valuable to men like her father also made him dangerous — he knew places bodies never surfaced.
And he was pretending not to know her.
Pretending was a game she'd mastered.
#
"Tell me something honest," she said, fingertip tracing a line down her glass.
He smirked. "Such as?"
"Something that keeps you up at night."
Like where you buried twenty keys of uncut Langston coke.
He reached for his drink. His fingers didn't shake, but his wrist flexed too tight — a little lie in his bones.
"When I was seventeen, I wrecked my dad's Porsche. Told him it got stolen. Didn't sleep for three weeks."
He smiled after. Too proud. Too relieved.
She smiled like he'd handed her a confession. She let the silence stretch, long enough for him to think he'd won something.
She watched him settle into the lie.
#
The motel stank of bleach and cheap soap. The AC wheezed in the corner. A black duffel sat on the dresser. The butt of a Glock peeked out like a bad idea still forming.
She let him think he was in control.
She let him undress her like she was something sacred, an antique behind glass. That was fine. She liked restraint — not her own, theirs. The tighter they held back, the harder the fall.
When he reached for her waistband, she laughed and pulled away.
"Too soon," she said, fingertip sliding down his chest. "I like the build-up better than the bang."
True — just not in the way he thought.
#
He slept with one arm draped across her ribs like a leash. She stayed still. The ceiling fan spun off-centre, whispering a rhythm like teeth clicking in the dark.
Her breath slowed. Muscles coiled, not in fear — in focus.
The anger moved through her like steel. Like mercury. Heavy. Cold. Lethal in small doses.
She slid out from under his arm without a sound.
#
She moved like water — bare feet on cracked tile, the fridge hum too loud. The zipper on the duffel made a sound like tearing denim.
Inside: backup clothes. Danny's phone.
#
She perched on the edge of the tub. The porcelain was cool, grounding. The phone screen lit her thighs.
Warehouse: lot 6. Coral Bay. Pickup confirmed. Miami run postponed. Tell the Judge I did my part.
The Judge. Not Langston. Not her father's real name — just a title he wore like a mask to stay clean.
She found the blow. And all it took was two watered-down drinks and a forgettable fuck.
Her jaw clenched. She thought of her father's hands — always immaculate, like the filth he dealt in never touched him.
But she touched it for him. Every time.
#
She stepped out of the bathroom. Danny was already up, leaning on one elbow.
"I wasn't sleeping," he said, voice tight.
"I know." Calm. Flat. Her fingers curled at her sides, ready.
"You went through my phone."
"Danny," she said, head tilting. A shark catching scent. "You're not good at this. Not the lying. Not the cover. And definitely not the fucking."
That one hit. His jaw worked. Mouth opened. Closed.
The Glock was still on the dresser. He looked at it.
She didn't.
"Don't."
He didn't.
"You gonna kill me?" he asked, eyes locked on a spot above her shoulder.
Her lips twitched. Not quite a smile. Not quite pity.
She crossed the room — slow, deliberate. Sat beside him. Let her thigh touch his. Kissed him — full, soft, final.
It tasted like silence before a storm.
"If I was gonna kill you," she whispered, hand brushing his shoulder, "you'd already be rotting in a storage unit in Hialeah."
His breath caught. His eyes widened slightly, finally understanding what she was.
"Your father," he said, voice low. "He sends his daughter to do this?"
For a moment, something flickered across her face — not hurt, but recognition. Like hearing your native language in a foreign country.
She stood. Shirt on. Phone pocketed. The Glock's magazine vanished into her purse like a coin in a trick.
He didn't stop her.
Men like Danny never did.
#
She drove barefoot. Dawn still an hour away. The road whispered under her tires like a secret keeping itself.
The salt air hit differently now — cleaner, sharper. Through the open window, she could smell the coming morning: dew on palmetto, diesel from fishing boats stirring in the harbor, the metallic edge of a storm building over the Gulf.
The phone buzzed. One message lit the screen.
Good girl. We'll clean it up.
She stared at it.
Good girl.
The phone buzzed again.
Be at the house by noon. Your brother's coming home. Wear something decent.
Her lip curled. Not a smile.
His words. Always the same. Like she was a trained pet, dragging back what others lost. Like she didn't know he was using her.
Mission complete. She'd found the coke. Lot 6. Coral Bay. His men would finish it.
She deleted the messages. Flicked her cigarette out the window.
She wasn't thinking about Danny anymore.
She was thinking about how easy men were to bend. How soft. How fast they bled when they didn't know they'd been cut.
She missed breaking people.
But maybe this way lasts longer.
Maybe this way, they don't scream until it's too late to stop the bleeding.
Her eyes narrowed. She pressed harder on the gas.
#
One day, she'd stop playing the good girl. One day, she'd use these same teeth on her father. On the whole empire of men who thought women were pretty little traps built just for them.
The strange part wasn't the rage. It was how it lived alongside something else—a twisted pride. Each successful mission was proof: she was better at this game than any of them knew.
Her father had handed her a role, thinking it was a cage. She'd turned it into a weapon.
But not today.
Today, she was still his weapon.
Just not the kind he thought she was.
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Something tells me she's going to betray her father. Maybe even kill him.
This was an enjoyable read. I've lived in Florida since 1976. My stomping grounds were in south Florida for many years. Your descriptions of scents and plant life for the coastal areas of Florida are spot on. And I drive barefoot too! :-)
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Thank you Shauna, your kind comment made my morning!
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Your visuals, dialogue, and narration read like a movie. You give us glimpses, just enough to keep us interested and curious. Well done!
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Thanks! I’ve tried very hard to make my writing cinematic. So it’s gratifying that you feel that I succeeded.
The minimalism is an attempt to trust readers to use their imagination. It seems to cut my audience in half though, because some readers want to be spoon fed everything.
The story flows through my mind like a movie and I try and write it down. Then I edit and edit. And edit some more.
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I'm a sucker for a good noir story, and you've got a great voice for it. Terrific visuals, excellent turns of phrase throughout, and a short, punchy style that fits perfectly with the genre. This piece thrums with vitality. Great work. Welcome aboard!
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Well done, Warren. The very first sentence grabbed me and "you smell like other people's mistakes" literally made me smile. The story has strong momentum, carried by concision and strong imagery ("a shark catching scent" is another great one). I saw "punchy" in one of the other comments and I think that's an apt description.
I also appreciate the elliptical structure: you leave enough unsaid to inspire the reader's imagination.
I did feel the use of the word "like" became monotonous. While the similes were strong, for sure, and added flavor to the story, I'd suggest incorporating some other literary devices (synaesthetic imagery, metonymy, personification, etc.) to add some variety.
Overall, I felt engaged and curious, less like I was reading and more like I was being propelled. I enjoyed reading it and the last line made me curious about what's next for 'Jane' -- if that's her real name.....
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Thanks for the feedback. You’re 100% right on the similes. They are my crutch.
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