Second Chance

Second Chance by Henry Farley

I opened the door and saw a young teenager staring back at me. She was short, about five feet, with red hair, deep blue eyes, and a pale complexion with a few freckles on her cheeks and nose. The anxiety of coming to my door was plain to see on her face and trying to smile she said, “Hi.”

“What do you want?” I replied gruffly, which cut short her smile and she chose the best words to continue.

“I suppose you’ve been on the ale again, which is why you’re grumpy this morning.”

The cheeky young mare? “Who do you think you’re talking to? If that’s your attitude, you can fuck off.”

“I’m talking to the man my mother told me is my father!” she replied, looking straight at me with a challenging gleam in her eyes. My God, with such brazenness we could be related. Her colouring and face were her mother’s, but her willingness to meet adversity head on was down to me.

Who am I kidding? Why would someone like her come to seek me out? If she was my daughter, her mother would be Evelyn. We were school sweethearts and inseparable when I got her pregnant, which at sixteen was too much pressure for both of us. Evelyn’s parents were all for terminating her pregnancy, but she was adamant about keeping the baby which I couldn’t understand. And now the child that separated us is standing at my door.

“You may be my daughter, but what made you come to seek me out after so many years?

“Why now, as I’ve learned to cope without you in my life? Is that what you mean?”

“Yes, I guess so.”

“Mother has little in her life now that I’ve grown up and plans to emigrate to Canada in less than a month’s time. I didn’t want to leave the UK before meeting you and asking a few questions.”

The more I looked at her the more familiar she became. I could see Evelyn’s passion in her eyes and felt the openness of her soul in her search for her legacy. “You’d better come in,” I stuttered, stepping to the side to let her pass me. As she entered, I ushered her into the living room. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Not right now. Ask me later, if we’re still talking to each other,” she replied coldly.

As she walked into the living room, she glanced quickly around the place to get any clues of my past life from the pictures, ornaments and furniture. The sparse room didn’t give away any secrets. She sat down on the settee, still looking around to grasp onto something she could relate to. “No pictures of my Mum or her family?” she asked.

“I’ve only got one picture of her and its too small to hang on the wall,” I replied.

“Can I see it?

I went over to the dresser, pulled out the top drawer and took out a locket that I had given Evelyn sixteen years earlier. The heart-shaped locket opened with two pictures on the inside faces of the adornment. She had given it back shortly before I left her. Handing it to the girl, I said, “This trinket is older than you. It wasn’t expensive but meant a lot to us at one time. I gave it to your Mum on her fifteenth birthday.”

The girl took the open locket and studied the two photographs inside, curious to see what her parents looked like when they were the same age as her. Her face mellowed, and she smiled at one corner of her mouth, pleased at what she saw. “How long after giving Mum this locket did you leave her?”

There’s no stopping the knockout punches she’s throwing at me. I can’t blame her as I didn’t get in touch with her over the last sixteen years, apparently forgetting about her at Christmas and on her birthdays. “It wasn’t as straightforward as that! Shortly after we’d both turned sixteen, Evelyn told me she was pregnant. We were both scared and after talking about it we decided to get her pregnancy ended.”

“You wanted to abort me?” was the indignant response.

“I’m telling you as it was! I felt relieved and thought my only problem was getting the money for the abortion, but when we spoke again Evelyn wanted to keep the baby. It didn’t matter how much I cajoled or threatened her she was adamant and I couldn’t turn her around. She told me she couldn’t take a life, especially when it was one we made together.”

“Why didn’t you accept that?”

“Give me a break girl, we were so young and I didn’t understand how to deal with the problem other than by getting an abortion. It seemed the easiest thing all round.”

“The easiest thing for you!”

“I’m not trying to defend what I did. I know it was wrong, but I can’t change that now.”

“So, you left a sixteen-year-old girl you were supposed to be in love with, on her own at the most critical point in her life.”

That hurt, but the girl was right! “What’s your name?” I asked, trying to knock her off track.

“What’s my name? Is that important!  You want to put a label on somebody you’ve never taken an interest in?”

“Give me a break, we are family whether or not you like it.” Her directness and the look of her mother had convinced me she was my daughter.

“It’s Carrie Ann,” she replied. “I’ve never taken to it, but its not as bad as Evelyn.”

I smiled, remembering Evelyn’s fondness for the name.

“What’s so funny,” asked Carry Ann.

“When we were very young, even before we were teenagers, your Mum was crazy about a group called the Hollies. They were very popular and had a chart topper with a song called Carrie Ann.”

My comment struck a chord within Carrie Ann and her brittle demeanour appeared to soften on hearing the reason behind her name, childish as it may have seemed. It was transitory, “If everything was so rosy, tell me why you left her.”

“When your Mum wouldn’t change her mind about her pregnancy, no matter what I said, I tried to scare her by pretending to leave. My parents signed papers for me to join a Transatlantic freighter company sailing from Liverpool to Hoboken. The journey to the US took about 6 days and I expected to see her again in about two weeks.”

“Very juvenile.”

“OK, but don’t you see I was! That was the entire problem. It was a big mistake because instead of returning after two weeks, I ended up facing a US court charged with manslaughter.”

It was a black period in my life. When we got to Hoboken my ship mates played a well-intentioned prank on me by getting me drunk and setting me up with one of the local prostitutes who frequented the New Jersey bar, we were in. She had a pimp who wanted to see her work for him 24 hours a day and didn’t like her freelancing. He came up to the room while we were in bed, dragged her to her feet and slapped her hard. I got out of bed to try to protect her but he knocked me down telling me to keep my nose out of his business. I picked up a whiskey bottle and hit him on the back of his head.

“How did that happen? Who did you kill?”

“It’s a long, convoluted story, but they sentenced me to 5 years in a juvenile detention centre and I served three. The time wasn’t hard, but I worried about Evelyn every day of my confinement. Knowing you were born while I was in prison, I also worried about you.” Carrie Ann shrugged, showing no other sentiment to her “so what” reaction.

“When you came back, did you try to see Mum?”

“Yes, I did. My parents contacted the UK government about my arrest and after they sentenced me, we made a request to allow me to complete my sentence in the UK. A political argument broke about the confidence the US had in me serving the custodial sentence they had passed. The wrangling continued until I’d virtually served my time and there was little benefit in being returned.”

“I understand, but did you try to see Mum?” Carrie Ann reiterated.

“Of course, I did. After my release, I got back to the UK as quickly as I could. I went over to Evelyn’s house and saw her sitting in the front garden with a man. You were playing on the lawn. They seemed close and affectionate towards each other, and I didn’t want to make life any more difficult for her if she was trying to rebuild her future.”

“I can’t believe this,” came a dismayed sigh from Carrie Ann.

In an attempt to reassure her I said, “I know I haven’t provided money for your support, but I’ve been putting money away almost every week since my return, which I planned to give you when you reached the age of twenty-one.”

“You are a stupid man! First you make this childish trip to the US and end up going to jail, and second you see my Mum talking to a man and assume she’s in a deep relationship. And because of these two stupid acts you lose out in getting back together with her and miss my childhood.” Carrie Ann let her stern exterior drop and I could see her lips trembling and tears rolling down her cheeks. I sat down on the settee next to her and put my arm around her. For a moment she pulled away, but then snuggled in close to me and started crying profusely. “Don’t you know, we don’t want your money, we want you!”

“When you were born there was nothing I wouldn’t do for your Mum and now, there’s nothing I won’t do for you. I know I don’t deserve it but please let me be a part of your life now,” I pleaded.

“What are you saying? What about my Mum? Your lover!”

I stared blankly at Carrie Ann. “I’ve spent every day of my life thinking about Evelyn, wondering what she was doing and longing to see her again. I’ve stayed out of her way and gone back into my cave to lead a solitary existence without stirring for the last 12 years.” I smiled at my daughter and said, “I would do anything to turn the clock back, but I can’t.”

“Don’t you love her anymore?”

This time I started crying spontaneously. “Evelyn was and is the love of my life and I know I let her down badly. It wasn’t intentional, but that doesn’t excuse the way I behaved about the pregnancy. I’ve never gone with another woman, or even wanted to, since I left your Mum and I will always love her, no matter what her feelings are towards me.”

“I said you were a stupid man, didn’t I?” said Carrie Ann, wiping her nose. I don’t know who you saw when you came around to see Mum, but I can tell you she’s never had a single boyfriend since you left. Not for the lack of opportunity. There were plenty of would be suitors, even with a young kid wrapped around her neck. She didn’t want them.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s still in love with you, you moron!”

Good news can hit you as hard as bad news sometimes, and I felt myself being lifted by the knowledge that Evelyn still loved me. I couldn't believe what Carrie Ann had said, although my happiness was tinged with regret at the time we had missed as a family. Putting my head in my hands, I sat back down, exclaiming, “I don’t believe it! How lucky can a man get?”

“You know, I didn’t want to like you when I started on this venture. To me you had let Mum and me down out of selfishness, but I continued because of Mum. She never said a nasty word about you and always told me if I found a man like you, I’d be lucky. Now I can see what she meant.”

“That’s wonderful, let’s celebrate! I must have something we can drink in the fridge.”

“Wait! I never told Mum I was coming over here until this morning. It startled her at first and then she got nervous, worrying about how we would react together. Happily, I can tell her we’re going to get on fine.”

“I can’t tell you how pleased I am. Let’s celebrate,” I repeated.

“The three of us should celebrate together, Dad. Mum’s waiting outside in the car, why don’t you ask her in. This is your second chance. Don’t mess up.”