Run

“You can't run forever,” I said. He didn't care. He put the bare minimums in his car. Shit like toothpaste, shampoo, soap, money, clothes for wherever the fuck this moron thinks he's running to. “What, you gonna drive to Mexico or Canada or fly overseas? This doesn't make sense. Look, I know jail sucks, but you'll just be in there for a little bit, do your time, get a job, and get back on your feet, man. If you run away, you'll be looking behind you all the time. Suppose you need to gas up. What? You gonna fill up and run? Suppose the bastards have cameras? Idiot. You need to think this through. What if your kids wanna talk to you? What? You gonna get a burn phone? How you gonna keep paying for food and drinks? Where you gonna live? What? You gonna be a homeless person digging through garbage cans? You'd be better off in jail where at least they got clean grub. Maybe not tasty, but clean.”

I'm talking to deaf ears and I know it, but if something I say gets through this knucklehead, it'll be worth it. “Think about modern technology. Remember, 1984? Not the year, you idiot, the book. Big Brother is Watching. There are satellites. They know where you spend your credit cards. Where will you get your bills now if you drive off to Butt Fuck Egypt? Really, really think this through man. Even if you are imprisoned and convicted, you can always appeal, man. The state has to appoint an attorney to you. Ok. Look, you leave everything behind, maybe get an attorney to change your name, paint your piece of shit car a different color, get a new social security card? Is that your plan? It'd be cheaper just to pay the fucking alamony man.  This doesn't make sense. You can't go to a food bank because they'll ask for your name and then the cops'll find out and your ass'll be in jail. You can't leave the country by plane, because the FBI'll stop you. So, let's hear it; where the fuck you gonna go to get outta this court ordered payment of alamony other than jail? You got a friend? Right. You called them and they said they could live with you until shit cools down. You don't get it. This shit's not gonna cool down. Your ex isn't going to get bored looking for you and neither are the cops. Your friend'll get sick of you sooner than you think. Where's this idiot friend of yours? Where? Ok, they're in the country. What state? Oh, yeah. That'll fucking work. No, it won't. Suppose this friend calls a tip line and is just in it for the money. Suppose he's dealing drugs and the police get a warrant. Where'll that leave you? Or suppose you run outta gas or money to get gas on the way there. Then what? What, is this guy gonna drive for hours to grab your sorry ass or what, you gonna hitch hike? People don't hitch hike anymore. Or suppose you get a flat, you get a fender bender, or one of a billion other things happens on the way to this asshole's house. What you gonna do? You ain't gonna call me to help you, 'cause I'm the one saying you should let the police or an attorney help you. Don't go this alone and don't go to this guy. You can't run forever. Moron. You can't hide forever neither. And when the cops find you, don't run away 'cause then they'll have you for resisting arrest. Ask if they have a warrant and look at the goddamn warrant. I'm telling you, stay here, call an attorney, maybe the attorney can stop the arrest and get you a trial. You'll probably lose the trial and go to the slammer anyway, but at least you won't be wondering around like a hobo.  

You're gonna do it anyway? Okay. Which way you gonna go? North, east, south, west? You don't know. Well, you got directions to your friends house, right? You'll print it off the computer you're leaving behind. Great idea. You realize the cops'll probably have your license plate number, right? You gonna do what, now? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard and trust me, I've heard from a lot of dumbasses. You really think that you going to Goodwill and buying an old license plate and taking yours off and putting that one on is going to work? No. Why not? Think about it. The police see an untagged, unregistered license plate, you think they ain't gonna pull you over for that? They are. You think the DMV won't notice. And what happens when you gotta renew the handicapped tags. You didn't think of that now, did you? You gonna leave those behind? What? You gonna buy a wheelchair at Goodwill too so you can go further? Idiot.  What? Maybe you be so stupid, I gotta talk to you stupider. You go, bad idea. Cops catch you no matter what the fuck you do or where the fuck you hide. They got satellites and see everything. You hiding, dumbbass idea.  

Fine, go. I can't stop you. You are a grown man, even if you ain't acting like one. You're acting like a kid who's in trouble and instead of taking responsibility, is running away and hiding thinking his parents'll never find him. It's bullshit. Fine, fine. You're an adult, you know what you're doing. Your attorney doesn't know shit, but you, you know everything. Maybe you can see in the future and can see yourself in a small prison. Or maybe ET 'll lend you his bike so you can fly away from the cops, right? Idiot. Remember, you're the one who cheated on your wife. That's why this bitch divorced you and why your kids ain't talking to you no more. You got everything you really need, 'cause remember, the cops're gonna take all your shit and auction it off. Don't call your kids except from burn phones. Don't go in any convenience store, 'cause they have cameras. No, no. Hide the rest of your sorry life. Run and hide. Hide-n-seek with cops. Fun, fun, fun.  I'm telling you. Stay here, let them arrest you, have them show you the warrant. Don't run. You're not listening to me because you're a drunk, because you're fiscally irresponsible, immature, what? Why can't you understand? You're going to jail no matter what. The question is are you going to do this the right way or the wrong way? There are satellites, cameras, this ain't the 1800's. There's no where you can go. Absolutely no where.