GRACE TO BETTER

Scheme, manipulate, deceive and shun, these are all things we face on the road to better. The world is cruel and crumbling at the knees of the people who roam it. Lies soar, the women beg, the children have become lions and yet they call it fair. A system of thieves and dragons, you either live or live dead, either join the game or be at the mercy of it. 

Until You showed up. 

Sleep 

It was Benevia, in the year of the reign of King Ozed. I was ten years old then, a refugee is what they said I was, I didn’t know any less, and wasn’t told anymore. As they wheeled me into the wealthy city; among the steel, the salt, the baskets made of horsehair, and heavy rods of iron, in that 312 pounds cart of despair, every ounce of me wanted to turn back. 

Suddenly, we came to a halt; we had arrived at the port. 

Wake up 

I wake up immediately to the sound of Aunt Maggie yelling at us “maggots” for duty. I can’t put aside the nightmare I just had, I look to the mat next to me in that ill-lit room of dowdy, gloomy grey, mouldy, abandoned and joyless, to see no one; I let out silent wails, this dream grieves me more than you would want to know. A “refugee,” I’ll do whatever I can to escape that identity. 

Every night and every moment I close my eye, it taunts me. This is not the first time. 

Lilia strolls past me as I hurl my pitiful wails, now it’s easier to be jealous of those your haters because they're always on your case. That was me to Lilia, in this sickly orphanage, through my one eye that could work, she was ever pretty as she was manipulative. Her glaring eyes meet my burdened one. As aunty Maggie continues her taunting exclaims, I dash out of my bed and cover my blind eye with its patch. 

My life’s a cycle; wake up, fight, not fight but be a liability. They use my brain but don’t care for my heart, simply get to shore and they’ll tell you what pitiful task they want you to do. 

I specifically have the power to read minds, I guess I forgot to mention at the beginning of this tale that I live in a world of magic. Our powers range from fire, ice and all the Disney magic to the dungeons and dragons and the powers less wanted like mine.

“Shut up,” “No one wants you here immigrant,” “the devil’s eye,” it begun again. Everyone had woken up, and begun to stare at the one, half blind magician, whose origin no one really knows.  

The real battle has always been with those you have to call “family”.  

From the rear ends of port, I read the minds of our enemies, the Euravians, and the world’s dummest group of bandits, the Scorvigians. I guess I understand why the king lets children fight for the kingdom, we’re orphans; we get the job done and we’re free, all he has to do is feed us the scraps that fall from the zoo.

As we make our way back to the orphanage, I hear shouting, I hear rejoicing, in this desolate and desert town, how could it be I wondered. People ran the opposite way. 

After a long wake, sleep 

“For you to be a prodigal son, you must have a father to go home to, right?", said the still, small, squeaky voice.  

I was in this gross field, withered lilies flooded the landscape, the sun was darkened as though covered with ink, and there I stood, alone, a girl dressed in white cloth. I saw a woman ahead, brown hair, pale skin but her eyes were as crystal as mine, her smile met the horizon, I thought I had seen the one to go home to. I took a few steps, feet trembling, I was a needle away from her when I heard the ghost’s voice release, “Don’t touch me” 

Wake up 

I was chasing the wind then, all the people had made their way to the town hall, I crouched, I scraped, and there I was in the front of the crowd pierced by shoulders and kneecaps far heavier than mine. The king was ready to make an announcement, he begun, “Citizens of Benevia! A big hunt will soon begin. Into the enchanted forest near lake Aniva, I have laid a hidden treasure. Now, you’re all wretched enough, poor enough, there’s nothing to lose and yet you have everything to gain. The winner gets one wish whatever it is, granted! The hunt begins in an hour, make alliances at your own risk.” 

I could read his mind and hear him say, “Like old Scrooge would always say, we must decrease the surplus population.,” he continued aloud, "Get the treasure and return back before midnight in three days! Good luck!” 

Without a thought, the entire multitude had scattered, a whirlwind broke loose, some ran to get food, mothers abandoned their children, I could see Lilia dashing off with some other girls from the orphanage. I first thought I should join them, but the voice from my dream spoke up, “Don’t touch me”. With my one eye that could work, I ran with the little strength I had, throat burning, heart scorching, I hurled myself into the nearest sailing ship, hopefully they were going where I was going.  

“If I don’t have a home to go to, I’ll make one for myself”. 

Sleep 

“Grace!”, “Grace!”, yelled aunty Maggie on my second day at the orphanage. I wasn’t the shortest kid, not the ugliest, but I was shrivelled and dirty, half blind and deficient. 

As she yelled persistently, all eyes were now on me. I had only gotten this name two days prior, so it took getting used to. I was still in a panic and like a baby calf, I wiggled my way out of my bed, weak and crippled, with jelly legs and a headache for the world and called out, “Yes Master.” As the mockery and chatter soared instantly, and the thoughts of all running through my brain, I only continued to call “Yes Master,” because that was all I was taught to say.  

Wake  

“Yes Master?”, called the smooth gentle manly voice before me. I quickly rolled back away from within his reach and stretched out my fists as though I could defend myself.  

I cannot.  

He looked familiar, he looked confused and decided to also strike me a pose, only, he couldn’t keep a straight face long enough and burst out in laughter. Involuntarily, I burst out in laughter as well. This exchange of joy continued on for about ten minutes till I realised the shame of the situation. He got me vulnerable quick. Although I hadn't laughed for eternity. 

Who was this stranger and why had he not yelled me out of his ship. He looked more like a father than my Master, asked me some questions and I answered to the ability I had been trained to speak.  

He responded that we were near the forest, and offered to take me into his team to find the treasure in the enchanted forest, offered to give me food and said he knew someone with healing magic who he thought could heal my eye. 

I declined.  

The moment you accept help, I have learnt that you accept captivity. I know the pattern, I become a liability, and my helper gets angry when I don’t yield the results they had desired to get from exploiting my power, exploiting my brain, exploiting me. I told him that once we get there, I’d be off, and I would not be paying him any money for letting me ride in his ship. He accepted.  

A bit longer awake 

I had arrived among a massive group of others; my mysterious helper was afar off. I never even asked for his name, don’t care for it anyway. Some of the king’s royal court welcomes us at the border lines of the forest.  

Weapons were being given. Some received swords, some ancient scrolls, some ancient beasts. When everyone was set and allocated a form of help, I raised my hand up as high as it could reach for I hadn’t been given anything and they responded, “There’s nothing left we’re afraid, we guess you’ll just have to survive on your own." I heard a voice way in the front yell, “there’s a hamster spirit here!!!”, and the court responded, “Well give the girl and let’s begin the hunt!  

A small, brown and sickly spirit looked at me and I at him, it gestured a smile and then the gun shot, the hunt had begun!  

Sleep  

We used to have a pet cat in the orphanage, its name was Gerald, it also was sold because it had been exploited to the point where it couldn’t bring forth anymore. Animals also have powers in our world, some teach techniques and tactics from old skilled magicians, others give abilities based off the animal they are. Gerald used to be a fighting spirit, gave his partners the power of speed and predatory eyes to spot its enemies from afar off. Yet, there it was, sitting in my lap on a cold winter day, shrivelled and shivering just as I was. There was a boy, a few years older than me, who would always come watch Gerald and I, sometimes he’d play with us, sometimes he’d even talk with me. He had black hair and black eyes, but his heart was made of pure gold. His parents were rumoured to have been servants in the king’s palace before they passed. He was sick. While his mother was still pregnant with him, the women in the castle were beaten, she had not yet known she had a baby, and so when he was born, he had an enlarged heart and weak bones, I don’t know the make-up behind it and neither did he, all we children ever knew was that he was dying. Due to the bruises and unfair treatment she endured, her body failed in the day of her delivery, so she died. Soon, at the age of fifteen, he had died as well. 

Barely awake  

The spirit and I had been making our way into the forest. This was no ordinary forest, hailstone fell, blizzards and sorcerers. The forest had become a battlefield and that’s why I decline joining teams. If I can avoid being exploited, I can win. The hamster spirit was charitable, his name was Potter, with a few of my favourite berries, his huge eyes had brightened, his skin began to liven up again. We talked, and instantly connected; now I know I’m talking about a hamster, but he told me, “You’re better than this”.  

My mind had brightened, and it was as though a weight had lifted off my head and withered heart. I was ready to find the treasure and ask for my sight. If I ever felt like I could trust someone, it was this hamster, it sounds crazy, but I’m broken enough to know it’s true.  

We would walk down a path, encounter a dead end and have to redirect ourselves, Potter would get tired, and I would stay awake to watch over both of us with my one good eye, a role I have had to play most of my life. I would journey a bit from where he was sleeping to find and mark the tracks where others we’re buried, those would be places we wouldn’t go.  

But nothing was making sense. Nothing was piecing together, it felt more like an endless arena of blood and depression than anything else. One day, I stumbled upon one of the children from the orphanage, ten others had died, only her and Lilia remained from their group, the next day I walked past her dead in a cluster of vines. I searched my heart for grief but found none, all of them would call me devil, and yet I’m still alive. 

Why am I still alive? 

Sleep 

On the morning of the day I was sold to my last Master, in the open air of the port and much anticipation, I felt a little nudge of hope. They told me he was a kind and wealthy man and that I would serve his concubines and be friends with his many daughters, I thought it was fair. Where I had come from, the people of Benevia were admired and outside that horrid cart, everything felt like Heaven. Few weeks after I moved into their home, my Master’s tolerance with me began to shrink for I had no special skill or knowledge of dancing and table manners, none of these mattered before. Soon, I was plagued with magnis, what you would call a brain tumour, only, because it was linked to my powers, I would have excruciating pains in every part of me, screaming and wrenching at the top of my bowels for help. 

But no one came.  

I began to be treated by the family doctor and this made my Master detest me even more, everything I did made his daughters angry, pulling, twisting, and jerking at me, I would go days without being given food or water. I wasn’t even living anymore, and I was far too frail to play at their own game, later, I was given away to the orphanage. I promised myself to trust no one and find my better, my home, my freedom and vowed to purchase it with my own money. 

Wake 

What was meant to be three days had turned into three months, Potter and I had lost all the food we had, and I was beginning to doubt there was even any treasure or if the king just brought us out here to mock and kill us. Potter tried to constantly encourage me, but I could see light and hope disappearing from his eyes. 

I pressed on. 

From all the tracks I had crossed out and the paths I had explored in secret, I thought I had found it, dead in the belly of the forest, I thought I had finally narrowed down the location of the treasure. Immediately, I told Potter and we were both thrilled with joy. It was late then, so we decided that at first watch the next day, we would set out for the treasure. 

I lay down under a slimy and sleeping tree and thought to myself, “This is finally it; I am better than this”. 

But, when I had woken up, I saw that Potter had gone and so had my map of the treasure.  

My blood grew cold instantly. Where had he gone and why?  

It wasn’t an option, I had to move, and I had to do it fast. If someone had kidnapped Potter, I needed to hunt them down. Through the vines, and past crooked ways, between heavy boulders and angry people who stood in my way, I sprinted, I stomped, I carried on, vaguely I could remember where I was supposed to go and where to avoid and suddenly, I fell. 

Sleep 

I could remember, days before they told us that mystery boy had died, I saw him out in the rear, he was painting, he was also moulding something. I didn’t want him to see me, so I crouched behind a rock and watched like he would watch me. Then he called my name, “Grace” 

Wake finally 

There I stood in a cage, before me were many spirits, angry spirits, heavy spirits, mocking spirits, black spirits, and bruised spirits and they all carried on in that song of ridicule at me  

“There she is, monster"," No one wants you", "Blind fool”, then even louder they began to yell in an aggressive song, “You’re better than this! You’re better than this!”. It hooked me at the throat, then I saw Potter, not in the way I had known him but in skin as black as theirs and his charitable eyes had now become deadly arrows. 

He held in his hand what he said was the treasure, tears flooded my eyes, the weight of this betrayal consumed my spirit and mind, I can’t even begin to share with you what he was thinking of me. The cage was dark and dreadful, it had to be the worst place I had ever been led to against my will. He told me they were making their way back to the king to get their wishes. I just couldn’t comprehend how the spirits had turned on the humans. Moments after they left me locked in that cage, I wept and screamed on the top of my lungs and just like before, there was no response. 

Until he showed up. I was asleep, I was weak, I was hungry, I was hopeless and then through the curtain of my tears I could see him, my Saviour. Within seconds, he tore the vines that held the bolts of my cage, the spells were broken, and he carried me out in his arms.. 

Every step he took brought forth light, the leaves were clearing for us, he was warm, he was safe. I couldn’t lift my head up to see his face, but he let me know I was okay. We walked far away from that cage, gently and slowly, it was as if time had stopped for us, and I was not a heavy load on Him. Down on my path I could see the multitude of wicked spirits dead and bruised, then to his left arm I saw glistening, the treasure, I wanted to ask his name, but then there was light.