A Slab of Rock

A Slab of Rock

Okay, so the Polar caps melted and the world flooded out like they had predicted. Some people had boats and they were okay in that respect, but the only food available was fish and birds. Of course, there were alliances formed, more like gangs if you want. In that crazy, insane period, the human race was trying to figure out how it was going to keep alive.

The thing was there really was no warning. Sure, the scientists or authorities or whoever you want to say had warned us about it, but the rush of water was like instant. It was supposed to happen gradually, but the one part fell off and then it was like BANG! A giant wave of water came down from way up the North pole and just flooded the planet.

It was unstoppable. 

I was working as a junior executive back then and was eyeing a quick and steady rise to the top. I had met the CEO and joked with the guy. The only thing that stood in my way was Brenda Richards. She was also young and ambitious.

Have you ever hated someone so bad that you closed your eyes and wished they would just disappear or that their head would explode? Well, that is how I felt about Brenda Richards. Of course, I don’t think she was exactly enamoured with me. At the Christmas party one year, I barfed on her. Yeah, it wasn’t exactly one of my proudest moments.

We were rivals. She stole my lunch too many times to count. To get back at her, I put tobacco sauce on my slice of meatloaf and she bit into it. There were also some jalapeño peppers in that hunk of meat. She almost burnt her mouth. She ran around screaming for water. Never again, did the little witch steal my lunch.

It was with great trepidation that we were sent together on a conference. She went to our supervisor and complained not about me, but that she couldn’t make it and on and on like some teenager. 

“You’re going. This is a good opportunity and you don’t want to miss out on it.”

So she went along with it.  

We were supposed to sit in the same row cause that was what the tickets stated, but princess talked some fat, sweaty guy to move his impossible large ass next to mine.

She thought this was funny.

So to get back at her, I persuaded the flight attendant to tell princess that Mr. Fat Ass had a crush on her and that this bag of peanuts was a sign of his affection. She made the ugliest face ever and that was good enough satisfaction. Actually, being next to the fat was a good thing.

The plane went down. Not sure what happened exactly because I had drifted off to sleep and suddenly the emergency buzzer went on.

Believe me, I woke up in a hurry. My eyes popped open and everything went into overdrive. We were over the Pacific Island. The gigantic tidal wave that would turn earth into Water World was just a couple of hours away.  

The rest is kind of a daze. I remember walking up in the water floating atop the fat guy whose name I never got. Except there were sharks all around and it was kind of a scary moment. There was a slab of rock not that far away, but too distant to try and swim to it.

There was luggage scattered throughout the water and I managed to grab some of it not knowing what was inside. Eventually, I landed on the slab of rock having swam my ass off with the sharks nipping at my heels. I used the plastic suitcases as protection. The one shark really put a dent into the one and it is something I will keep and tell my grandchildren.

The slab of rock wasn’t exactly a flattering place to land on, but it was way better than being shark bait. I sat on the rock watching those fins swim around inviting me to play a very crazy game of tag that was declined.

In the suitcases, there was enough clothes to last several months. One of them was my own, which was a real bonus. Another belonged to the big guy that I had dubbed Hank because he was as wide as a plank. Hence, Hank the plank and I liked it.

The dude’s shirts when tied together made a pretty strong net. I used the shoelaces of his extra sneakers and made myself a net. The net worked great and I was able to scoop up a number of fish. After exploring the slab of rock, I found a natural geyser and the water was drinkable. So the survival work was half done.

For shelter, I simply made a tent out of all the clothes from Hank the Plank and the other clothes that I had found. One person had a beautiful number of blankets and comforters. They protected me from the elements. So I has food and water and shelter. For fire, I just used an old pair of glasses I found in one of the suitcases and put some clothes on fire.  

There was no wood on the little island save a little tree that had poked its innocent head out of the rocks. There was no real attempt to use it as kindling because it wouldn’t have lasted long. The only problem was the loneliness.

I wondered how everyone was doing, my parents, brother and two sisters, aunts and uncles, my grandmother and all of the people that were part of my universe.

In an effort to shake off the depression of feeling like I was the only person on the planet, I went exploring the slab of rock.

It was an easy rock to climb and once I managed to get to the top, there was vegetation growing there and a number of different birds roosting. I made a mental note of saving a few small rocks in order to nail some and provide a different source of food.

I had been rock hopping for over an hour and nothing, I mean nothing in the world could have prepared me for what I saw on the other side of the this slab of rock. There, huddled in between two rocks looking sick and malnourished was the greatest nemesis in my life: Brenda Richards.

I cursed life and the pilot of that plane. Why bring him into it? I don’t know it just seemed like the thing to do. She turned around and saw me with those red, tear-stained eyes and screamed.

“Howard Mapleton, what are you doing on my island?”

Her island, yeah right, it was my island. I had already decided that this unattractive, unimaginative slab of rock to be HM Island, home of the king of the world.

I did my best Humphrey Bogart impersonation. “In all of the slab of rocks, in all of the Pacific Ocean-

“Shut up, asshole.”

“Goodbye, princess, let me see you steal my lunch now.”

I laughed and hopped away like a mountain goat.

It was three hours later, while I was enjoying a pretty good buzz (someone had managed to stash those little bottles of booze they give out on some trips), when I heard that irritating, scratchy voice.

“Hey, this place is like the Taj Mahal.”

I popped my head up and screamed.

“Go back to your little rat’s nest, princess.”

“I am starving, I need something to drink and I am freezing. Here you are living int he lap of luxury.”

“Yeah, take a good look and make a memory so it will last longer. Get outta of here.”

“Oh, so you’re going to let me die?”

The thought crossed my mind.  

“Gimme one good reason why I should rescue you?”

“Because, it would be the Christian thing to do. What would you mother say?”

“She’s not here right now.”

“And, besides, we are colleagues.”

“Fine, you can come and stay at my side of the slab of rock.”

Then I started to giggle.

“What is so damn funny?”

I was going to tell her that she could stay on my side only if she took her top off. You see, Miss Brenda had a real nice pair. She always wore these tight blouses and really filled them out quite nicely. She was the old standby at the water cooler when nothing else exciting was going on.

My colleague Bruce had a real thing for her. She wouldn’t give him the time of day.  

“Come on, princess.”

She slowly crawled to a spot atop of the rock and sat down.

“Here, have some water. Drink it slowly or you’ll choke.”

She drank slowly and you could see her life signs spring up. Dehydration is one of the worst feelings in the world.

“We have fish on the menu and nothing else. Sorry, forgot to go grocery shopping today.”

She didn’t even smile.

I slid her a piece of fish and she ate it slowly while drinking more water.

“How did you make it here?”

“I swam. What about you?”

“I took a helicopter.”

I bit my tongue.

So we sat there in total silence for a long time.

She looked at me and I knew that she was going to ask me a question.

“Can I stay here tonight?”

“Why?”

“Cause, I don’t have anything to eat, nothing to drink, no shelter and no fire. I will die over there. Do you want me to die?”

Although she had been a thorn in my side from the first day I met her, I didn’t have it in my heart to let her die.

“Fine, you can stay here, but you have to be nice. I don’t want to hear your sarcastic remarks or putting me down in any way.”

She made a face, but nodded her head.

“Okay, I will be on my best behaviour.”

“Great, you can help me fish. It is a difficult task to do one by oneself.”

She was a good sport about it and we managed to catch enough fish for a decent meal. We had to because now there was two of us.

It was dark and in the far distance a boat cruised by.  

“Do you think we should flag it down?”

“How, we don’t have flares. I doubt they can see the fire.”

“I guess so. How long do you think we are going to be stuck here?”

“I am not sure.”

It was late at night and as she had fallen asleep. The moon hit her face just so and I thought that maybe we weren’t friends, but we were island mates. She looked beautiful in the moonlight.

The next morning we had breakfast.

“I have a real big favour to ask you?”

“And that would be?”

“Will you do aerobics with me? I mean we just can’t sit around because we will get fat. Fish is good for you but like anything else too much of a steady diet and the pounds will be added on.”

“Sure, I’ve never done aerobics.” That was a lie because I had joined a class once when I was hot for this girl. I got a major leg cramp, made an ass of myself and never talked to the girl ever again.

So we went to the top of the slab of rock and shoed the birds away long enough to get a good workout. The problem was that the sun was beating down on us and we worked up a pretty good sweat.

“I need a shower.”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

“Come on, I know a spot.”

Surprisingly, she took me by the hand and we ran to her side of the slab of rock and there was this little whirlpool that included steps. It looked comfortable and in a second we were inside. It was like being in a jacuzzi because the swirling water was hot and messaged every part of our body.

Miss Brenda had stripped down to her panties and bra. Did I look? I was helping not to stare. But, I did and she caught it. However, there was no disdain, nasty remarks or anger. Just a sexy bat of those long eyelashes and a smile at the corner of that beautiful smile.

We walked back to our little camp and saw a boat way out there.

“Quick, get down.”

I did but wondered why she would do such a thing.

A few minutes later, she popped up and smiled.

“What was that all about?”

“Well, when I first landed here, I couldn’t wait to get off. But, then, we discovered each other I guess you could say. You are a good boy scout. There is also the fact that I am not sure who is on that boat. They could be mercenaries or pirates or just really bad people.”

“You are right.”

So we sat there in the afternoon and watched a pod of whales swim by and it was very nice entertainment.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“I know that the cretin Bruce had a thing for me which would have never happened in a million years because he was just too creepy.”

“Okay.”

“Did you ever have a crush on me?”

“Well, I don’t think so. I mean you are an attractive girl and all — I will give you that much. But we were such rivals-

She kissed me.

We both looked straight ahead and then held hands.  

“Okay, practical situation, we don’t have condoms and cannot take the chance of creating human life. There are no hospitals or doctors around. So, that is going to curtail things.”

“I guess so.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun.”

She looked at me and for the first time I didn’t look at her like some rival or nemesis. She was lovely in that afternoon sun and wanted to have sex with me.

“Well, I will confess something to you. There were a lot of suitcases and one of them must have thought they were going to get very lucky, because they were packing.”

She smiled.

In that afternoon sun, we did something that neither one of us ever thought would ever happen. It was great. She was an unselfish lover.  

The days moved on and it was just great. We were two lovers on this slab of rock going naked in the whirlpool, sleeping together on a makeshift bed under a rigged tent making sure that each time we used a condom and tried not to think that sooner or later we would run out of them.

They say everything happens for a reason. There was a reason why the polar caps melted and a giant wall of water wiped everything out. There was a reason why we were on a plane and it crashed and we landed on this island together. There is a reason that the slab of rock was very high and managed to be above the elevated level of water. There was a reason why we melted away our differences.

We were all cozy in each other’s arms watching the sun go down. It wasn’t paradise, but it was just spectacular.

“I hope we never get rescued.”

“Neither do I.”

We smiled and kissed just as a whale jumped out of the water and splashed down.

“Did you make a wish?”

“I don’t have to. My wish already came true.”

She kissed me and we snuggled close together to watch the sun sink over the edge of the world.