Shooting Star

 The night air is cool and damp as it blows through my hair. As I stare up at the midnight blue sky, a star gives off a faint flicker. My mind goes back to a happy time when we first met. 

There you were tall and handsome. Your eyes were blue like the sky on a warm summer day. I watched you as walked across the room. I could not stop smiling and wondering who you were. You asked if I had ever ridden on a motorcycle. When I replied that I had not, you grabbed my hand and off we went on your bike. You were different from anyone I had ever met. I felt comfortable, safe, happy, and free. In the moments we were together, the world stood still.  

It seems like yesterday that we met. You were so different from anyone I had ever met. You were a free spirit who took chances in exploring every life's adventures that came along. I was a dreamer who wanted to change the world. We were two carefree and idealistic romantics who dreamed of a wonderful life together. 

You pointed to a star far away in the galaxy. It was a shooting star. We made a promise to each other that night. Every night we would look up at the sky to find the brightest star. It would be our special star. It was our spiritual connection in a vast universe. Thinking we were one and the world was ours.

We talked about the world and how we would make it a better place. When you talked about the future, your eyes lit up and a smile came across your face. My heart raced as I listened, and we planned our lives together. We would marry and raise a family. Our home would be a haven for all our family and friends. We were the center of the universe. Our lives would be simple and separated from the world. You would write novels from your studio that overlooked the beach. We would travel and see the world together. We would fill our home with love as we watched our children and grandchildren grow up. Where did that life go? What happened to all our dreams?

That first night we shared our secrets, discussed ideas, and debated politics openly without fear of repercussion. We took long rides, sat on the banks of the rivers, and threw stones across creeks. Sometimes we just laid in each other arms on the ground staring at the sky and said nothing. It was a carefree time for two young people who found love one special night.  

I remember those evenings long ago as if they were yesterday. We planned our future. Isn't it sad how life changes people and things? Dreams fade away and people move on taking different paths.

You went to the military. I went to college. In those few short years, our lives changed. You came home with a vision so different than mine. People told me that our dreams and hopes could never be. Life is not based on foolish dreams, but reality. So I gave up those all hope and became a member of society. I traveled to those places that we spoke of visiting together. I tried to imagine that you were with me, but the image had faded away. Isn’t it sad how time changes things? 

I never forgot our times together or when you were back from the service. It was our last time together before we left our dreams behind and moved on to separate lives. You had a surprise for me and took me to a jeweler to look at an engagement ring. You proposed. I refused. As I walked away I turned to see you there at the counter with the ring in your hand. The image of the surprise and hurt on your face remains engrained in my mind. You were so spontaneous and fun-loving, but I had changed. Sometimes, I think about what might have happened if I had accepted. Ah, but there is no need to think about it. Perhaps it was our destiny to live two different lives.

What happened to our dreams and life? Our life's journeys took different paths moving us in opposite directions. I married a man who I thought loved me as you did. I lost the desire to be a free spirit and began a life of ritual. I had a new life with a new husband, a son, and a great career.  I had changed and became among face in the crowd. You married a beautiful lady and had a house full of children. Forgive me for wishing that it was myself instead of her. Sometimes I would drive by or and turn into your drive hoping to get a glimpse of you, but I never did. I stopped at your dad’s business to ask about you a couple of times. Hoping for a chance that we would meet, but you had made dreams with someone else. 

As time passed my life shatters into broken pieces with miscarriages, abuse, and divorce. I was on my own with my young son. We moved into an apartment on a quiet river. Every night I would walk out on the pier and find a star and wonder if you were looking at it too. Then one day, you called. You needed someone to talk with who understood. So, we met at a lighthouse on a quiet beach in January. Do you remember? Both of us searching for something to revive our dreams. Both of us were alone and hurting. On that day, we began a new journey sharing special memories and dreams of years ago. 

We began our journey fifty years ago. It has been like a ride on a motorcycle with bumps, turns, forks in the road, but always together in spirit. On that evening, many years ago, little did we know that our dreams were just dreams and how our lives would turn out. You are living a wonderful life with a beautiful wife and a loving family. I share my life with my soulmate who treats me like a queen. Our families have blended even though we lived far away from each other. 

There is never a day that I don’t see that handsome, and charming, blue-eyed man that walked through the door that night. I feel the passion; I hear your laugh; I see your smile and remember our dreams. Perhaps in our next life, we will meet again and continue those dreams and hopes of fifty years ago.  

But tonight, just like every night for the past fifty years, I will go walking, looking up at the stars. I look for that special star. My sight is not as good, but it will not be hard to find. It is the brightest and largest star in the sky because it is filled with memories of our hopes, dreams, and love from over the years. 

I feel the wind blowing through my hair and I feel the mist on my face. I close my eyes and whisper your name. Thinking of what life might have been if we had continued our journey. I wonder, could you be looking up at the same star and remembering those nights long ago when we gazed at the stars and talked of our future? Will you send me a sign to let me know you are gazing up at our star too? Then a smile comes to my face when I see a shooting star as it races across the sky. You are there.