A Time for Reminiscing

TW: death from cancer

Mason Behrmann smiled wistfully as he glanced down at the old photo. The photo was of him and his late wife Brianna’s wedding day. A tear rolled down his cheek as he stared at the photo. He remembered that warm late July day many years before when he took his vows of marriage to Brianna. That day was the happiest day of his life. Oh, how he longed to be with her one more time! One more touch, one more kiss, one more word of encouragement, one more day in her presence.

The events leading up to that day were surreal. Looking back, he was amazed how quickly the wedding came together; it was a sign that he and Brianna were meant to be together. From his perspective, the universe conspired to bring Mason & Brianna together. There was a cancellation and the wedding was moved from the following Labor Day weekend to that July, a span of 14 months earlier. The invitations were sent out and returned quickly. Mason’s brother David officiated the wedding. Everything came together perfectly. His elderly mother Marilyn stood next to her grieving son, comforting him as best she could as he reminisced about his and Brianna’s wedding day. (Mason’s father Dan had died a few years earlier.)

He arrived at the wedding venue shortly after Brianna and her bridal party. Mason and his party changed into their wedding tuxedos and they looked sharp. He remembered waiting for what seemed to him like an eternity, but in actuality it was only an hour and a half. He talked intermittently to his parents, getting last-second advice and wisdom from them.

He remembered that it was a beautiful day: sunny and warm, but not too warm. In other words it was a perfect day for a wedding. He had checked the weather on his weather app and it was 82 degrees when he checked it, with a forecasted high of 87 degrees.

Mason and his parents were instructed to take their places at the front, near his brother David, who was officiating the wedding. His future brother in law Josh and the string orchestra were playing prelude music as the other members of the wedding party began marching in. After a dramatic pause, Brianna marched in on her father’s arm. Mason thought to himself, she is absolutely gorgeous, and she’s coming towards me! I am the luckiest man walking the face of the earth. I can hardly wait until David declares us man and wife.

Although David only spoke for a few minutes, Mason felt like he was droning on and on and on. Finally, after the vows were said, Mason recited a poem he had written to Brianna expressing his love for her. He remembered seeing a tear escape Brianna’s right eye, and him wiping it off. She laughed and smiled demurely. Then he separated her veil and kissed her softly and with feeling. After David introduced them as Mr. and Mrs. Mason Behrmann, they looked at each other as if to say, “FINALLY!”

The rest of that day was a whirlwind. There were pictures to be taken: lots and lots of pictures to be taken! And they took them! He began tearing up again upon reminiscing about the first dance with Brianna. He remembered vividly how she looked, how she felt next to him, how soft and tender she was, about how much they said “I love you” to each other throughout that song. They were lost in each other until Brianna reminded him that the song was over, and that they will have the rest of their lives for moments like that. She kissed him and smiled sweetly at him before dancing the father-daughter dance. He remembered beaming proudly as Brianna and her father danced. Then it was his turn to dance with his mother Marilyn. He danced a number of times, mainly with Brianna, but also with his now-late grandmother Eleanor. He especially remembered the wedding night when he and Brianna made love all night. The chemistry and passion and love between them were amazing. He remembered being worn out afterward. They gave all of themselves to each other that night and for the next 32 years. He wanted one more moment with his Brianna. Then he wept.

Days earlier, Brianna had passed away from breast cancer. They had been married for 32 blissful years at the time of her death. She was survived by her husband Mason; six children: Danielle Walker (Seth), twins Jon (Bethany) and Sam (Alyssa), Katherine, twins Isabella and Ivy; two brothers, Tyler (Tamara) and Josh (Lola), and mother in law Marilyn, three grandchildren, and numerous nieces and nephews.

Time seemingly stood still as Mason was staring intently at that photo. The photo represented the best years of his life. He had accepted an analyst position at Chandler & Rowan, LLC, in Los Angeles, CA. He worked there less than a year before accepting a junior executive position with Honda of America. He worked with Honda for just over 30 years before he took an early retirement package, as the company was downsizing in the wake of a shrinking economy and stiffer competition from new, upstart car companies. He spent his retirement years up to this point taking care of a very sick Brianna. It pained him greatly to see his wife declining rapidly. He had always remembered her as a beautiful, strong, vibrant woman that was full of life and had a zest for life.

He stood strong in front of his family but privately, he wept. He knew that her end was near, and that he would soon be a widower. Mason himself was in good health, even though he had a heart attack shortly after he turned 40. As for the kids, Danielle is married with a son (Oliver) and a daughter (Evonne). Jon is married to Bethany and they have a son (Matthew). Sam is married to Alyssa but they have no children. Katherine is not married but she is in a relationship with her boyfriend Zach. Both Isabella and Ivy are college students at Ohio State University (their mother’s alma mater) and are majoring in computer science and engineering, respectively.

Mason checked on Brianna. He had been sleeping on the sofa next to her bed. This was his way of being with her, and he hardly left her side. She opened her eyes, smiled, and with all the strength she could muster, said, “Good morning love. I love you.” Mason gave his familiar sweet smile upon hearing those words yet again, yet they felt good to him each time she said them. “Good morning sweetie. I love you too.” Mason knelt down and kissed her on the lips, knowing that this would probably be the last time he would hear those words from her. He recorded those words she said for posterity.

“I see your tears. It’s okay. Remember that I will always and forever love you.”

They were soon joined by their children and grandchildren. Each one was crying tears of sorrow as the children and grandchildren bade Brianna goodbye. Brianna knew that she was surrounded by her loved ones. Mason sat by her side, holding her hand as she looked at him, smiled, closed her eyes, and took her last breath. Then the heart monitor flat lined. At that moment, she had passed on. She looked like she was in a peaceful sleep, having made peace with herself and her family. Mason wept like he had never wept before, not even at the deaths of his dad and grandparents. Mason’s children and grandchildren wept with him and surrounded him with their love and support.

In the days ahead, Mason and his remaining family received a lot of support from other family members, friends, and neighbors. Jun Park and his wife Amy flew in from Los Angeles to lend support to Mason. He was repaying the good that Mason had done many years earlier when he flew to Inchon, South Korea to lend support to Jun when his mother passed away, plus the two couples grew their friendship even after Mason moved on from Chandler & Rowan. Jun and Mason embraced and Mason bawled on Jun’s shoulder for a good long time.

Mason and his oldest daughter Danielle collaborated on arranging the funeral services for Brianna. They spared no expense; they wanted it to be simple yet beautiful. Within a few days, everything was paid for, and the arrangements were done. First was a viewing of her body from 5-7 PM on Thursday. The casket was surrounded by beautiful flowers and pictures of Brianna from her infancy to her most recent birthday, when she began to feel ill, unaware that she had a rare and aggressive form of breast cancer. Mason soldiered on; perhaps collaborating with Danielle on the funeral arrangements was a good diversion from the pain of the loss he had suffered. Plus having one of his closest friends in Jun Park being there for him helped.

The viewing in the chapel room of the funeral home was well-attended. There was a steady stream of visitors there to pay their respects to Brianna. One of them was Melanie Zane, who was helping to run the gymnastics academy when Brianna became too ill to run the academy on a daily basis. She hadn’t seen Mason since that interesting night many years before in nearby Anna. She was prompted to go pay her respects to Brianna, having worked for her shortly after she escaped her awful situation. She remembered the kindness that Brianna had showed to her when she was down and had been friends with her since then. She and Mason had long made peace with their previous relationship. Even in her early 60’s, she was still beautiful, still had those striking blue eyes, but her hair was mostly gray now and she had gained some weight. She never married after her divorce, although she had a couple of relationships that didn’t work out.

She saw Mason and gave him a warm hug. He reciprocated the hug.

“I’m so sorry. Brianna was a great boss and an even better friend to me.” Melanie said her voice cracking. “She gave me a chance when no one else would. Now I’m a school counselor and have been one for over 20 years. I’m going to be one as long as the school district lets me!”

Mason couldn’t help but smile at the irony and humor of Melanie, even though he was experiencing the crushing grief at that moment.

“Thank you for coming to pay your respects, Melanie. That means a lot to me and my family.”

“My pleasure Mason. I can see why you married Brianna. She was amazing.”

“Are you coming to the funeral tomorrow?”

“Yes, I plan on it.”

“Good. See you tomorrow.” Melanie hugged Mason again and then hugged each of her children and grandchildren as she left.

As she exited the chapel, Matthew (age 5) asked his grandfather, “Who was that?”

Jon was beginning to chastise his son but Mason held his hand up, as if to tell Jon, “It’s okay. Let him ask.”

Mason and Matthew found a bench to sit on and to talk. “Matthew, she was a woman that I liked before I married your grandmother. She’s a long-ago friend of mine. I’ll tell you more about her someday.”

“Oh. Okay.” Matthew said. He then returned to his father. Mason took a few minutes to compose himself before leaving the chapel.

Mason returned to his vast house. He thought to himself, I’m not going to need all that room with Brianna gone. I think sometime after the funeral I’m going to put the house up for sale and move back to Mom & Dad’s old house. I do not want to get married again. I had 32 of the best years of my life with Brianna. Who else can compare to her?

Mason awoke early to get ready to go to the First Christian Church in Sidney, where he and Brianna had been members of the congregation since they moved back to Ohio shortly after Danielle’s birth. That was the location of the memorial service, followed by the procession to the cemetery, and then a brief graveside service. The reception/luncheon at the church would follow. Mason would go with Jon and his family and for the reception he would go with Sam and his wife.

The church was spacious and airy, and seated close to 1,000. Brianna was a much-loved woman. She always had a kind and gracious word for everyone. The church was packed. Besides her family, many of her friends and colleagues in the education field (including many of her fellow coaches from other schools) attended. Jun and Amy Park were there as well to lend support to Mason and his family. Tyler and Tamara comforted Mason, and Tyler and Mason shared a good cry prior to the service beginning.

The service began with a soloist performing “It Is Well.” The pastor prayed, and then he spoke his beginning remarks. After the soloist performed another song, the pastor spoke briefly about life and death as they pertained to the seasons of life. It was a beautiful and touching sermon that had many people in tears, Mason included. The pastor gave his benediction and after the postlude, the casket carrying Brianna was wheeled to the hearse. After a few minutes of Mason and his family accepting condolences, they were ready to leave to the cemetery. The car carrying Mason would be right behind the hearse, and there would be a long procession to the cemetery, which was 1.5 miles away.

At the cemetery, Josh played a song that Brianna absolutely loved and had requested to be played at her funeral. He finished the song, and did great to hold in his tears. A few people gave brief eulogies. Within 30 minutes, the service was over. Mason thanked everyone for coming to pay their respects to Brianna and invited everyone to the reception at the church reception hall, where lunch would be provided.

Lunch consisted of a choice of baked chicken or meat loaf, rice pilaf or mashed potatoes, green beans, salad, and for beverages, coffee, water, iced tea, or various sodas. This was Mason’s first really good meal in nearly a week, as he hadn’t felt like eating since Brianna’s death.

Mason went to every table thanking them for attending and that he appreciated their attendance. He caught up to Melanie after a vast majority of people had left. Melanie expressed her condolences again. Mason thanked her for attending. After a few minutes of small talk, she slipped him her phone number.

He waited until the last guest had left. It was just the pastor, Mason, and Mason’s family left. Mason thanked the pastor for being there for him and his family through this difficult time. After a few minutes of conversation, Sam approached them.

“Dad, are you ready to go?”

“I’m ready, son. Let’s go home.”

A few minutes later, Sam, Alyssa, and Mason returned to Mason & Brianna’s house. Sam & Alyssa decided to stay the night with Mason, as they wanted to be there with him. They didn’t want him being alone, at least not that night.