Lost

I lost my cat. My poor little cat wandering around the busy city of Chicago. I should go up and look for her but I can’t. I feel bad for the little white cat with the soft fur whose wandering lost. But I can’t get out of bed. My head won’t let me even though my heart’s telling me to just stand up and get shoes on. The poor little cat whose meows were like little bells ring-ringing. Lost. I lay in bed and looked up at the white popcorn ceiling. I should go up and maybe make posters or just go outside and look, but I can’t. My head feels heavy. The cat whose fur was white as snow is probably soaked with mud by now. The poor little cat, the poor girl lying in this bed. I want to look. But something is stopping me. I’m stopping myself. I don’t want to get up. Everything about my life is empty. The cat walking down the alleys through Chicago confused and lost. The poor poor cat. Lost and confused. I'm drowning in these thoughts that just won’t stop. Stop. Just stop. The cat walking around the city hunting or maybe hiding from all the strange noises and people. Buses and cars hurrying down the streets. Noisy people always talk-talking that never stop and just listen. Listen. Nobody listens, nobody understands. The cat's name. Her name… Penny. Penny the white snowflake cat with the little ringing meows that never stop. They never stopped, always talking but now the whole apartment is quiet. Always noise somewhere but just quiet now. Snow. It's snowing now. Snow is nice and quiet with the calm gray skies. The cat will probably freeze if I don't go out and look for her. I should go. But again something is pulling me down and not letting me leave this bed. Leave. I want to leave but people think I'm crazy who would want to leave a life like this? This. This place is quiet without her, without him, without them. Nobody but silence. S-i-l-e-n-c-e. The snow isn't really snow, it's like slush. The snow turns into water droplets sliding down the window. Thoughts slide-sliding.   Thoughts. Too many of them. Penny the cat alone. Meow-meowing all alone now. What to do, what to do. What should I do? I should ask for help. That's what people said. But I don’t listen, never listen. Tap-tap-tap-tap. Tap. Where's the tapping? I lift my head up just barely and look down the hallway but there’s nothing there. Nothing there. Never something there. Always empty. Empty like me. Tap-tap-tap. There's a little ringing-like a little bell. The cat her meows were like little bells. The tapping doesn't stop. My head hurts. It gives me a headache. Head-Ache. I look at the snow and the water sliding down my window. But a little ball of snow is sitting there now. Tap-tap-tapping the window. Meow-meowing with a voice of a little bell. The cat. The cat found her way home. I slowly climb out of bed and open the window. I immediately feel the cold of the wind. Penny gratefully leaps into my arms. I wrap her in a towel and carry her in my bed with me. Soon she yawns and falls asleep. Asleep. I wish I could forget all my problems like this little cat does with a single yawn. Work. Problems at work, so many problems. When was the last time I went to work? The cat. The snowflake cat lost in the snow. Found her way home. Found, not lost anymore. Lost. I should get up and go to work. But my head still hurts and I still can’t seem to get out of bed.