Chasing Waterfalls

 I needed a change. A change in scenery, a change of pace, and certainly a change of people. The suitcase landed on the bed with a muted thump, which was quickly followed by the sound of clothes being thrown in haphazardly. I moved through the room like a tornado, throwing anything I might need into the lavender suitcase.

The rushed and angry motions soon led to tears that blurred my vision. I stopped my mad packing and sank to the floor. How had it ended up like this? We had been so happy, hadn't we? I did everything right. I was loyal and loving. I bought her flowers and showered her with affection. Why did things end up the way they had?

I angrily wiped the tears away and stood up to evaluate my packing. There were definitely enough clothes, I had packed my sneakers, and my toiletry bag was lying on top. This would have to be good enough. With one final angry swipe at my face, I zipped up the suitcase and grabbed my phone. 

Opening one of the many vacation rental apps on my phone, I searched anywhere. The first thing to pop up was a tropical beach condo. I stopped. The beach had been her favorite. 

I kept scrolling, looking for something, anything, that wasn’t the beach. After four more beach rentals I paused on a cabin. It was perfect. Great reviews, not around people, and most importantly not here. My fingers pressed book before I could think twice. A few more taps on my screen booked me a flight and car. I wiped the tears from my face one more time, grabbed my bag, and left to find the change I needed. 

*   *   *

The lush forest gave way to a small cabin. I stopped the car and opened my door. The sounds of rustling trees, birds chirping, and a stream mumbling filled my ears. I inhaled deeply. Wildflowers, pine trees, and dirt were the next to take over my senses. For the first time in weeks, I felt a small bit of peace. This is what I had needed. To get away, to not think, to get out of the twisted lies and broken feelings. 

I walked to the passenger side door and grabbed my suitcase, lavender, like my favorite flower. The suitcase bounced on the rough ground as I made my way to the cabin door. Even though it was small, the cabin was well maintained. The exterior had been painted with a fresh coat of white paint and the pale blue door looked as if it had just been replaced. I pulled out my phone to check for the code to let me in the cabin. As I did so, a message caught my attention. 

Ashley, 2:42 pm: Hey, can we talk? I’m worried about you.

I stared at the message in disbelief. Was she serious? What gave her any right to be worried about me? She was the reason I wasn’t alright. She had chosen to hurt me. 

I aggressively swiped the notification away and pulled up the rental app to find the door code. 33592. The keypad dinged with each number before popping the lock open. I shoved the phone into my pocket, making a mental note to write the number down so I wouldn’t have to look at my phone again. Wouldn’t have to be reminded of her when all I wanted was to forget. 

The door swung open to reveal a well decorated space. It was mostly one large room, with a bedroom loft over the only enclosed area, which I assumed from the pictures I had seen was the bathroom. The small kitchen had wooden counters and a white tile backsplash. Large windows above the counters let in natural light and made the space seem larger than it was. I looked over to the other side of the cabin to see a living space, complete with a turquoise velvet couch, a gray velvet chair, and a hammock seat that hung from the ceiling. 

I threw my bag on the chair and collapsed on the couch. The stress from the last few days began to seep out of my body. I reminded myself that nothing that had happened there mattered here. I stared up at the ceiling and tried to remember the mindfulness technique that my therapist had shown me. Something about noticing 5 things I see, 4 things I could hear, and a few other things that I couldn’t remember. 

5 things I see. I see the ceiling. I see a plant. I see tears running down Ashley’s face when she knew she had been caught. 

No. Stop. That’s not here. 

I see trees out the window. Was that a bird that just darted by? Okay, I’ll count that. I see her falling to her knees begging me to stay, promising me it had all been just a mistake. A one time thing. 

This isn’t working. 

With a sigh I got up off the couch. Maybe a hike would help? That had always seemed to ease my mind when I was a kid. I looked through my suitcase for the pair of hiking boots I had tucked in there and put them on. Grabbing my car keys, I headed back to my car and pulled out the bag I had brought for hiking. Whistle, rope, GPS, snacks, water, and anything else I had thought to put in there. I looked around for some kind of path to follow, anything I could use to start going. Searching the underbrush, I realized that I would have to start by walking down the driveway. Not that I minded too much. The cabin was remote, and even the walk from here to the road would be a good hike. 

The forest sounds accompanied me as I walked. I relished the way the walk felt. The slight burning building in my legs, my back being stretched out after hours of travel, my face being hit by the air moving out of my way. 

Ashley had never liked hiking. Never really like the outdoors in general, really. Her idea of fun was shopping or going to the movies. And it had always been her way or the highway. She had never let us do something that I was passionate about if she didn’t like it, even if just to make me happy. 

My foot caught on a rock and I began to tumble towards the ground. With a curse I threw my hands forward to catch my fall. The ground was hard and unforgiving and my wrists throbbed in protest. 

Just my luck. 

I pushed myself off the ground and looked around for somewhere I could rest a moment. A fallen tree caught my eye and I walked towards it. My hands throbbed. Looking down, I realized that there were cuts that had begun to bleed. Another curse left my lips as I reached the fallen tree. I sat and began rummaging through my backpack for the first aid kit I knew I kept in there. 

Maybe this had all been a bad idea. Maybe I could forgive her, give her a second chance. A tear fell from the corner of my eye as I found the first aid kit and began wrapping my hands with bandages. Maybe I should go back to that cabin and text her, let her know that I was willing to be forgiving. 

I stood and turned back towards the cabin. But, had we even been happy? We had been together for over three years. Three years that I had loved her and I had thought she loved me. 

I turned away from the cabin and continued on my hike. A bird called through the forest, and another answered it. The leaves rustled in the wind. If she had truly cared about me she never would have betrayed me like this. I paused and inhaled the smell of dirt and the faint fragrance of flowers. No. There would be no second chance. Not for her. 

I noticed the sound of water somewhere nearby. I began to walk in that direction, wanting to see even if it wasn’t an established path. I carefully stepped over roots and bushes until I made it to a clearing in the trees. Before me was a small waterfall; tumbling over the rocks until it reached a pool of water at the ground. 

A small gasp escaped my lips and I stood in awe of its beauty. A large rock rutted from the ground nearby, and I headed over to it. I sat down on the rock and took another look at the waterfall. It was breathtaking. This is something that I never would have seen with Ashley. It wasn’t something she would have been interested in, so she would have insisted that we go somewhere else. To see something that we could see in any town or city. Something unremarkable. 

I pulled my phone from my pocket and turned it around a few times in my hand. I pressed my thumb against the screen and watched it light up. My finger tapped the messages app and then hit Ashley. I read it through one last time before hitting the block button and the delete button. 

Gone. She was gone from my life now. I exhaled a breath I hadn't known I was holding and I felt a weight lift off my chest. It was time to rest and heal. I looked back towards the waterfall and smiled.