Emilia

Why do we wait, Emilia?

Why do we wait for the sun to rise, for the sun to reach at its highest point, then we once again wait for the sunset. At night we wait for the moon to shine, for the stars to twinkle, until the moment the sun rises again.

It is all a worthless rhythm of time, a pattern that revolves around old Chronos, the tic and tac of hours spent to reach that precious moment.

I only knew of waiting as a bizarre childhood dream, like “Why do we wait that we would grow up one day” and “Why do we wait for the time that we could reach our dreams.” Yes, Emilia. Waiting for me was no extraordinary experience. Waiting was only a glimmer of an unreachable hope. It was just the working of an optimistic mind of yours ticking with all of its otherworldly business.

You once said that there are a million things in life worth waiting for. What are those things, Emilia? Tell me about the dream we could’ve spent together, the paradise that we would’ve bathed under the tender wings of Cupid. It could have been the moment of my life but-

Why did we wait, Emilia?

Why did we stare at the shining lights of Paris when we daydream of amorous memories? Were we dazzled by the bright lights that blinded us to reality? Why did we stroll along the roses of Damascus without savoring their scent? Was that an effect of a clogged nose, or a life sick of all its pleasures?

Everything is vanity, Emilia. Quoheleth gave his dreary alas to life, but we could’ve lived life to be more than a lifetime. Alas, Emilia, why did we wait when life could trap us in its deadly spindle, on the web of its caprice and charm. Life is too short to wait any longer, but why did we choose to linger?

Why did we choose to linger in the sands of time when we can get lost in its dunes? Why would you struggle to survive in the deep blue sea…

when you could peacefully drown?

I remember, Emilia, when you said that there are a million things in life worth waiting for. Yet what is left to wait, Emilia, if the world were to end all of a sudden? If our world were to be gone forever, what are the things that we could wait for? I remember on our first date, I noticed that you wore a rose in your bosom. The innocence of your buxom chest was complemented by the single thorn that pricked your pristine skin. Such precious ivory, decorated with a drop of scarlet. Such delicate gossamer, pricked by the thorns of an unsuspecting rose.

Such crimson rose, only to wilt in a matter of days, or weeks, or a month? Forever? There is no such thing as forever, Emilia. I am not Dr. Heifingger to reverse the scales of Father time by bringing you back with the delicate waters of the Fountain of Youth? I have no intention of prolonging our suffering in this world only to see the happiness of what’s next? Life is just a vapor, Emilia. Why did we wait?

Why did we wait when the feeling was there in every moment that we met? Why did we wait when our intentions were pure and we both had a future-wrapped in each other’s arms? Why did we tarry on our way to love when Cupid was only at our door, waiting for the perfect moment, the strike of the clock, for our hearts to beat together.

No. This can’t be. You said that if I truly love you, I could wait a day more. I could take a week, or a month? Maybe a year? Decades will pass, centuries, and millennia? But why?

Why could’ve you let me wait when the moment has passed by, when fate forbids us to cross ways, when life will no longer be our witness as the sun moves over the sky and the moon shines under the rain. Why did you leave me under the drooping tree by the well, like Cinderella with a broken slipper, but with no more fairy godmother, no more hope, no more faith, and no more love for you.

For what tonic can heal a loveless heart?

You said time heals all wounds. Just wait for it, you said. Just move on, just go over with life. But I can’t. My eyes still hunger for your lovely face. My ears still desire your sweet voice. My nose still craves for your lovely scent that lingers in my room after the loveless encounter that we had, the meeting that never was but will still remain in my mind. I’m afraid to say this, but I’m still waiting for you, Emilia...

Yet time came through.

Yes, Fate binds lovers together.

Yes, Cupid made me a way to your life.

Yes, you let me into your heart. You let me be your one and only man . You made me spend moments with you that I will no longer wait for, that I will experience and cherish forevermore. We had sweet talks under the moonlight, under the endless glimmer of the stars we kissed goodnight, bidding farewell to the sunrise that we will never wait.

We are now timeless, Emilia. We have been petrified to stay even if the world stops moving and our hearts stop beating. That night, I never bade goodbye to you, and I never did, and I never will.

Our time was ready. Bells rang and the air was heady with the scent of romance. Candlelight shone through the windows of rose and the portals of dahlia. Everyone was there to witness that we will become as one, forever and ever. All I waited was love: surpassing even the world that keeps us apart...

You were always beautiful in the radiant white dress, Emilia. I finally waited for our moment to arrive when your ivory skin once again showed scarlet.

 Not the scarlet I loved, but the crimson I dreaded.

Your blood mingled with the red carpet.

Your body riddled with bullets from the betrayal of your once-broken affair.

Why did I wait, Emilia?

Why did I wait when all I could have had was you, my jilted lover.